I've neglected my writing! But I'm back with lots of stuff!

it’s slowly exiting,
this feeling losing,
the more time you give,
the more time I crave,
my mind wandering with opportunity,
you’re loosening your grip,
I’m gaining lead,
The further you fall behind,
Afraid of being all alone,
While you’re the centre of attention
I’m counting what’s missing,
On both hands.

Figures it takes a whole lotta shitty luck to make me start writing again....
~*~
My heart just exploded,
Sadness attack,
You just abandoned me again,
Prolong my destruction,
You know it well,
How it wears my happiness into shreds,
I won’t remember our good,
When I’m past recovery,
Will you deal with this?
I am matches,
Once I start I can never stop,
Addiction junkie,
Aching to escape,
From all that ails me,
Try to heal me with a soft I love you,
But it’s just a band aid,
Temporary fix, you asphyxiate me,
My obsession to suit your idea of perfection,
But my best is never good enough,
Running myself into the ground to become your everything,
Why is that my objective?
I’ve been so hollow for so long,
Why the sudden rush of substance now?
Always locking away the feeling,
Never could bear to taste the sting,

Sorry it's taken so long, been caught up with skool and the boy.. too many things going on!!

We’ve been running smoothly
With some starts and stops
My head hasn’t been hectic lately,
Like a clear day, I have no thoughts but you,
When I’m seething you soothe me,
There’s no love like I’ve found in you,
It’s unexplainable,
Thought I was untamable,
But I conformed to suit you in any way you please,
Unbound, ready for release,
Stunning like the stars,
You’re catching me,
I willingly,
Forget my identity,
Stake my claim under your frame,
Live like I could die,
Swallow my apathy,
How clever a disguise, to hide what’s inside,
But I let it bleed for you to see,
Those stolen moments where I recall,
The first striking revelation,
the need for you in me.

All thoughts lost,
When looking in your eyes,
Blood runs heavy in my cheeks,
When I’m under your arms,
I’m in the safest place,
Finally finding home,
With you,
Discovering a deeper trust,
I never believed,
Wanting you always near,
Never been like this,
always needed only myself,
but I weakened for you.

I have to know everything,
Can’t keep me in suspense, it kills me,
So far, so long the hours seem,
I’m trying to keep myself preoccupied,
Impatience gets the better of me,
This imminent calling,
Cannot wait to have you here,
This bitter need to take you in,
If repetition replaced,
I couldn’t stay,
It’s fetching, daunting, desiring, alluring, inescapable, rushing, folding, falling,
Frequency embedded,
Must have it all, or grant me nothing,
Can’t stand to want you the way I do,
So addicting, refreshing, repulsing,
The essence of my vitality,
Lighting my spirit,
Setting me ignited,
Peel myself away,
from you so,
magnetic, unguarded, unbound,
poisoning my thoughts, my mind,
with your temptuous disposition.

Can't stand to hear it,
Not your voice again,
I'm on a rampage, attacking all pieces of you left behind,
Soon there will be nothing left,
It feels so good to be free from your fair-weather behavior,
You know I missed your touch,
selfishness got the better of you,
Thinking of me first,
I wish you could have,
Buying time until I broke the code,
Now I know your secrets pouring out,
Hush hush up, don't let me catch on,
You don't want me to get gone,
Wondered why I got no reply,
You can't keep me on the sly,
Everlasting light, you're slowly dying,
Litigate your malevolent side,
What gives you the drive?
To mess with my mind.

Maybe things would be different
If I stayed with you
But I finally believe,
We were never meant to be,
All the lies people are saying,
They feel like truths,
You're just here to disappear,
Forget the past, we've evolved too far from that,
You know I was sorry,
I've felt you sinking for so long,
What do you want from me now?
Since you've been wishing me away,
Now you want me?
Even though I've wanted you back all this time,
You're not running as deep as through me,
Can't stand the things I'm hearing you've done,
Hate to believe them to be true,
But I have this ugly feeling,
You aren't the way you used to,
Pulling me in your undertow,
i can't refuse you,
no matter how strong the salt stings.

Yes I remember,
Every whispered word,
Every kiss and broken promise,
Your words don’t mean shit anymore,
Now you’ve taken everything,
We built and burned it to the ground
Is she really worth wearing me down?
And it’s so serious now,
Losing my mind, left in the dark,
Omitted so much I needed to hear,
Never predicted you’d fall so fast so deep,
My hope revoked,
Here I go, the window, just to feel,
so bled, so dry, so many questions why,
no rise, no smile for sunset,
I hate to want her to hurt you,
But I can taste vengeance,
Laid thick on my tongue.
Failed to keep you,
Can’t be a weapon to defeat you,
So much I needed to say,
But I can’t form the words,
Given no opportunity,
I’m so wrong,
I can’t erase the stupid things I never meant.
You’ll never comprehend the significance,
The tremendous pounding of blood speeding through my veins,
Every time I sensed you in the room.
I try to disguise how embittered I am.
Never felt so unwelcome inside myself.

New additions to our household, my baby girl Etnie the pug and V's little man Harley!

On a cold night,
The sky had never seemed so black,

Caught by surprise,
Knocked me off my feet,
Took me like a hurricane,
Touched me like I’ve never been tainted,
Pulling me in against you,

It took me so long to get here,
But I blame it all on meeting you,
Feels like there’s nothing I can’t do,
I’m afraid I’m going to lose you,
Before we get a chance.

If you’re going to let me down,
Make it quick and painless,
I don’t think I can wait another minute more,
Before I drive myself crazy with possibilities,
They’re endless, my mind is thirsty for the truth,
It’s been a long time since I felt so sure of someone,
But maybe it’s just the rush of adrenaline,
I’m awaiting disappointment,
What else could it be arising?
I could never be good enough for you,
Bad news, the phone is silent,
Every noise I hear stirs this sick feeling,
Seems I have so much to say every day that you don’t call.
Drink away this despair,
Blur the sweetness beyond recognition,
So I can’t overanalyze,
Rehearse my lines,
Just to forget as soon as your voice sounds,
So I lay with all these thoughts to sort,
Keep me awake, come find me somewhere in my sleep,
what is it that keeps you feeding me suspense.

Struck down,
I am ignited,
Words fumble softly,
Strong and resounding,
Where we’re tangled and met,
Unlaced and exposed,
There’s nowhere to hide,
And I’m fine,
For once I’m right,
A darker shade of gray,
I’m honestly lost,
Shake these thoughts,
Purify my mind,
I can’t say aloud,
What you wish you knew,
Ideas I can’t scratch away.
My mind, can’t make itself,
Stop thinking,
Time is ticking,
One breath closer,
To sinking,
Will I break before morning?

It was forever ago
We met and our story set
You played guitar with such deliberate delicacy
And reckless ability
I set my sights on you,
3 years didn’t matter,
our nights in the summer,
you watching me waste away in your arms,
forgetting what distance would come between us,
surprised the memories have come out so vividly,
a painless departure only seemed possible,
after I pushed you so far from me,
left you devastated,
so young I couldn’t devote myself to anyone,
but holding on so tight,
you were my spine, keeping me together,
every thing you told me was the truth,
and every thought you occupied,

broken hearts mended and torn,
so many tortured times you told me I was right,
but I never really meant it, hoped it wouldn’t last,
I kept close, to keep the warmth in your heart growing,
but you drifted and I wandered,

now we’re trying hard to live our separate lives
you’re doing so well without me
but it’s not working, I’m finding holes everywhere,
in this shitty plan,
why didn’t you tell me about her,
I’m so angry you shut me out,
where is our ending?
Please tell me there’s a twist around the corner,
A letter reopened,
I know I need you now.

Here I have imagined us
Under these constellations,
No complications, just this winter's white,
Have I executed a place in my mind,
I never knew before,
I'm standing on this high hill of hope,
watching what I'm wishing for,
fighting for foolish things,
I don't want to be alone.

Not that I ever complied,
Lied to myself,
Fulfilling my need,
With all these hateful things,
All the faces,
I never wanted to be,
Bled my plea,
To you on my knees,
Now that it’s switched on,
Does it compel you to?
Sell it soft suspense,
Have I sold you too?
Let it wind you up inside,
Scream in sweet release,
A tortured tongue trips on the truth,
Sway me into oblivion.

I’m not waiting up for you no more,
I’ve washed my hands of your drama,
Always getting in our way,
I’ve put forth everything I’ve got,
Still it’s never enough, you’re draining me,
Drawing all the life out of me,
I’ve got no more energy to spare,
Wasting it listening to your lame ass excuses,
I tried what I could to salvage what I felt,
But love doesn’t want to stick around anymore,
Intensity dove underground,
You have been found impeccably further than thoughts care to wander,
You’re growing fonder, but I’m sailing away.
On soft seas, burning remnants of you to dust,
You send sweet words to capture,
You aim is useless and it hits me,
But I don’t sense a difference,
Actions speak louder,
You’re throwing me off with your inability,
To bring yourself to me.

You don’t have it in you,
The right words to keep me,
Or the actions to make me want to stay,
I knew it all along,
You maintained that I was wrong,
Now you don’t disagree,
Just pretend I never said anything.
I take offense to your irresolution.
You’re not spontaneous like me.
A repetitive cycle, winding up the same.
what's the purpose?
My spite for you, my misconstrued mystifier.
Why don’t you ever change?
Since you know the story well.
I can’t be pacified.
False hope with no avail.
You just keep putting me off,
So get drunk and say sweet things,
you’re not getting anywhere.
I remember every scratch you etched into me.

Won’t you leave me lying here?
In this hole where I buried myself.
I’m treading water,
You’re pulling me underneath the surface,
I didn’t ask for your return,
Exchange you for new,
Suffering through inescapable you,
Say you will, but you never will,
Avoid your faults, they only anchor you further,
Losing interest, losing patience,
What haven’t I done for you?we’re still getting nowhere.
dress me up like your girl,
where it’s quiet, when no one’s around,
It’s too soon to make your move,
distance is your biggest foe.
Scrape me off my feet,
I’m not obliged,
If you can’t take the time.

Siren sings loud,
I’m up in the crowd,
First to fail you,
A wildfire in the rush,
Soft cement, I’m motionless,
Applauding the cause of my fidelity,
The pages and pages upon which I poured,
I penned for you,
A fair fight, measured in mended hearts,
Who’s will be last broken?
Merit my efforts,
Summer still carries on,
No matter what you hide,
It hasn’t dried up and died,
Best to pretend, best to outrun everything,
Suspended in sound,
Forget everything up until now,
It's inevitable, we're not where we belong,
smoke filled room,
it echoes in emptiness without you.

What’s the word to describe this,
Degree of loss of sanity,
I held you once for sweet eternity,
Or so it seemed,
But I wound up to push you down,
I flew back when I caught my breath,
But irony beat me to you,
Flawed a fantastic light,
It’s only rational,
that eventually you will find me,
early 80s baby, did we make history?
I made a mark, stuck hard,
but you peeled me off, to move on,
it’s getting late, can you take me home?
Screw all your common sense,
It never won you anything but intellect,
Still your face never fades to grey,
When my eyes say they want to stay.