This one's a little dedication to someone ...

You may see me as I see you
But instead of you seeing me, I see right through you
In this room with a two-tone view
You make it so easy to terrorize you
You reflect and retract
Retreat when I attack
Too cowardly to offer explanation
And instead reply with agitation
What are you running from?

I’m sure you had good grounds,
To keep me from being around,
It didn’t seem rational back then,
But I won’t be found back there again,
Risen above my irate state.

Funny to look into the past
To figure out what made me want us to last,
Doesn’t make sense anymore,
For graceful adoration, this time I implore,
You search for standards you’ll never attain,
Painting your exterior to mask uncertain pain,
What is it that eats away at you?

You give yourself away in your transparent armor,
Concealed in sheep’s clothing as a dissolute charmer,
It doesn’t embody the person I thought you’d be,
I can’t help but worry, that’s just the nature of me,
Always appears you’re hiding something,
Maybe it’s not worth it’s losing everything,
i just hope you’re happy someday,

how complicated your life looks to be,
am I exaggerating the extent of your misery?
Less mystery after once seen,
You can’t expect forgiveness if you don’t come clean,
I just want to know why you act this way,
I’m not the only one who sees it, think what you may.
Even if I offered my solace, you would turn me away,
I hope there’s a contented light about you one day.

~*~

And you typed out the sweetest things
the entire song and it’s contents,
how you felt,
how I felt too,
and it all melted away,
I can’t seem to pass it,
I’m caught in the breaking, still frozen,
Paralyzed by the end of the surprise,
I can’t believe it’s come to this,
I only listen to the songs that describe you,
And how I feel,
How you used to feel,
I hate to see the confirmation coming,
Must’ve forgotten what I look like,
You haven’t seen the change,
This time there’s no room for improvement,
Why am I running, pretending it never happened,
As if my pace quickening kills the sound,
You’re sending me somewhere I can’t stand to be,
So much for the truth, now who’s insecure,
No one’s ever turned me into this,
Needing never wanting more,
How endless you appear,
I’m sorry for the damage,
It’s only fair I take the fall this time,
You stopped me when I thought I was right,
And you’ve lost your compassion,
Again and again,
You’re the ghost of my conception,
All this trouble I’ve caused,
It cost me you,
and how you felt,
And how I’ll always feel.

Don’t expect anything from me,
I won’t warn you before I leave,
And when I’m gone I won’t think of you,
Keep my head looking forward,
You will stay where I left my defeats,
As far as I’m concerned,
I kept the promise I made,
5 days until I can breathe,
without your insensitivity,
past your pale pollution,
I thought you’d separate yourself from the rest,
But you proved me so wrong,
I vow to be the one who you let get away,
And I travel so far while you wonder who you are,
Find yourself incomplete in my absence,
There will be no disarming captivity,
I was a fool to my own judgment,
But I won’t be beaten by your successions,
Why should I accept your irreverence?
How can you hold so much distaste,
for someone you once claimed to love,
confused by flirtatious invitations you were sending,
and you become so detached from our conversation,
finally you justify your answer I didn’t want to hear,
delegating the dissonant lapse unto me,
you’re so thick you’re not worth the dereliction.

Would you still care
If our goodbyes were said yesterday
I can promise you this time
If I show you how remorse fills my veins
And how the darkness enfolds me
Would it change your mind
I’m tripping into every black hole
You choose to disregard what you see of me,
This lengthy despair you’ve set in stone,
I can’t evade,
But are you unguarded inside?
Do I break right through?
Do you stand by those fierce words you preach?
Why has everything evolved around you,
Swallowing my world and displacing it with your own,
I can’t elude your soft face and playful smile,
It’s the worst thing for me,
I’ll never heal without you.

I hate to admit,
And it’s gone but I still need it,
The lyrics describe it seamlessly,
“Our love was comfortable and so broken in”,
you never said you didn’t still feel the same,
I’m too afraid to ask,
Why am I dwelling on the chance?
I should have moved on,
But I’m certainly unsure,
I wish it wasn’t so calloused,
This art I’ve created,
Of losing and then penitence,
Initiation is a task you avoid altogether,
I’ll let you go as soon as my loneliness subsides.

Slowly burning in my own hell,
Wish I had someone to assist in my escape,
The future is dim and littered with contusions,
All the good is beyond many sunsets,
Never nearing the ending,
Reminders of my useless absorption,
How it looks from the outside,
Avarice, an understatement,
My every want is handed to me with no complication,
This isn’t me,
Circumstances are essential,
An unfair affair,
Guilt overwhelms me,
Seeing the likes of repentance for ridiculous matters,
Why generate shame for every object bestowed to me,
Such a burden I’ve suddenly become,
An unjust judgment to which I am indignant.

all i feel,
i am hollowed,
an empty vessel set out to find you,
what's taking so long?
a regression to the beginning,
sometimes it's hard to take the truth,
another loss to suffer through,
i'd like to think my luck's finally changing,
but still the same scenery seen,
bring back vitality from it's long hibernation,
falling into the extent of only endings,
the outlook isn't promising.

what made you say those things,
so out of the blue,
while you chase the room,
staring at your own reflection,
and all the pretty faces,
how am i supposed to take you seriously?
you & your wandering eyes,
i see you for what you really are,
so please stop trying,
the effort is a waste of your precious time,
it's to what you're bound by blood that i adore,
perilously poised,
you think your charm cannot be resisted,
an explanation you waited too long to release,
why now?
your sudden delayed honesty,
i sense you know better,
you pursue what you find,
naive vulnerability,
assured you can steal a weakened heart,
you appear to hold so much wreckage,
i don't know the truth to your character,
why do you act as you do,
following what loathed you've grown used to,
where's your will to change?

Here's a nice little Valentine's Day poem for ya!!!

There were roses in my mind,
But you had died,
Today was just another day,
Like all the others,
over years and landscapes,
pretty things that were deceitful,
in between I lost easily,
not so quickly regained,
my balance is faltering,
thinking how far away you seem,
as long as I keep my eyes on the road,
didn’t want to lose my place in oblivion,
Opulent with lacking prevalence,
Who will be the next to come,
No one appears to possess the proper nerve,
I’m just a spectator in this round,
It’s been running dry ever since it began,
A fatigued heart lies futile,
would it save my existence to know,
to hear the words I’ve chosen for you to speak,
a home for unattainable broken reminders,
every day is just another excuse to render you alive.

Taking control,
A restoring energy,
Thrown into a means to better myself,
Soon you won’t recognize who I am,
A new reflection to please,
This is for me,
Inspired by scenes I wish to attain,
I can’t wait to see surprised wide eyes,
It’s all been done before,
I won’t be an exception,
It starts inside,
An added radiance to my exterior,
Cut loose from the past,
Tonight holds a different meaning,
I refuse to settle for anything less,
All your games have been retired,
I will tell you exactly what I think of you,
Everything you wish to ask,
I’ve always been on your side,
I’ve played your breed of pretend for much too long,
You live in a world of dreams,
It’s time to come down,
Can you last or will you wilt?
Strife only makes me stronger,
So do your worst.

Feeling your presence surrounding me
Your warmth behind me
Trying to sway with you
Wishing you a little closer
Until distance disappears
What I put away resurfaced to find me
Rosy with temptation
If I could persuade your lips
An embrace bursting bliss
Always close to something
Never leading me quite near enough
Every visible indication lies
I’m so unsure
I want to see beneath your emotive eyes
Answer your questions of curiosity
i’d promise you the skies would never fold,
under pressing steps of heavy feet,
only to hear your intense professing,
you're everything i've been searching for.

these things you've shown me,
i do carry them with me,
everywhere i'm seeing,
what i should have,
in red and blue,
i wish i could give to you,
all i have to last are memories,
are you listening to the sound,
my world crashing,
i guess you've changed but i remained the same,
seeing the beauty within the circumstances,
one day you will recognize the light,
that dawned on us,
we were untouchable and sturdy,
i'm sorry i got scared,
such a short ride to reality,
don't let me fall alone,
i know you're smarter than you seem,
i want the safety of your love,
how can i acquire what i came for,
you're not willing,
my hands are unwelcome,
how could i?
use this selfish deviance,
i demand your confession,
how much you've been holding back ,
unleash the passion you've built up for me.

Maybe I can start another life,
I told you what I came to say,
I thought I couldn’t be brought down,
Always imagined you’d be an easy one to catch,
You’d be there for me when I was ready,
But you informed I was too late,
Had it in the back of my mind,
But I didn’t want it to be true,
I’ve lived without you,
I didn’t want to continue alone,
You’re a strong believer,
everything happens for a reason,
I disagree,
Now I feel I delved too far,
Gave myself away without delay,
Can I put an end to missing you?
I could use some good news,
On this bitter day,
I turned another year older, and I feel 85,
Everything should be glowing,
but all I feel is what I’ve lost and what I’m longing for,
I finally know what I want,
And it’s so far out of reach,
Maybe I don’t like who you’ve changed into,
But it doesn’t affect the amount I’ve felt for you,
I hope my words rest you assure,
time without end, undying I cared.

Why has it taken so long,
To feel like you were ever there,
I’m just as frightened as I’ve always been,
I don’t know who you are,
must have been my mistake,
never had the nerve to speak,
to tell you that I feared you most,
Never felt like I could ask you anything,
I used to blame you for my struggling,
There’s so much confusion,
All I am is another expense,
An occasional obligation,
Unaware of my substance,
any abilities I bear,
The leak in my composure,
The damage you’ve built within me,
Moments like this when I break,
You’re a stranger,
a thief to my affection,
When I’m so far it’s easy to forget,
“I love you” voided,
your distaste for the word,
only your face is familiar,
you’re an empty vessel,
I take with me only angry words to remember,
I am the bind to a life you left behind,
You taught me how to accuse,
How to run from everything that matters,
To disguise this embittered hole.

And I should watch my mouth,
Wash it of all the things I say,
Without being careful, I am hurtful,
I don’t mean to cause your tears,
You have a way of making me feel so guilty,
Countless efforts I endure to for you to avoid,
But you disregard all I lay before you,
The first to put my defensives up,
The last to let them down,
I have nothing to hide,
But in you I cannot confide,
Wounds even I could never understand,
Have gracefully grown with me,
But still this happiness inside me I carry,
In my darkest moments you pry into my mind,
Hoping to withdraw this irate poison,
But behind it I am frail,
Pulling myself in all directions,
Offering solace, all I can give,
Its my corrosion,
You never retire from your efforts to salvage,
Despite their unremitting failure,
Set your exertions to rest,
You can’t destroy my demons.

This place I hate
How I can’t do anything
Even in my own space,
Trying to mold me into another you,
I’m not like you, I’ll never conform,
Close my eyes and in the darkness
I can flee from your interrogation,
Think without hearing your opinion,
I never asked to hear it,
So leave me alone,
Every minute there’s silence, you’re invading,
All the words I say slip through your mind,
Lost somewhere, why can’t you listen?
Living isn’t easy when you’re always on my back,
What gave you reason not to trust,
Or the notion that I can’t think for myself,
Are my decisions to your revulsion?
this life does not belong to you,
you can’t live again through me,
there’s no sense in telling me,
my goals, my dreams, who I should be,
it’s a fictitious understanding,
I won’t measure up to your expectations,
I won’t even bother to try.

You’re waving wildly and you’re frantic,
How can I fall when my heart is retracting,
I thought I could, I was sure I would,
Burning my tongue while I think about you,
Wishing that all things were simple,
I just want to sleep until this ends,
Never mean to hurt anyone,
Always works out that everyone’s alone,
I’m sorry I can’t be that person,
Spilling lies, convince reality to part,
Doomed to skip the highs of life,
I believe I’m cursed,
I know your intentions were sincere,
But suddenly the room grew crowded,
I choked on your incursion,
You tell me all these things you think I am,
I’m not sure you know what really rests inside,
Forget my face, obliterate my eyes,
It’s been done before,
You could never love someone as severed as I,
Embedded in my mind, scenes I’ll never see through,
I write the words I feel, do they ever feel them too?
It’s a sadistic cycle,
Where’s your expressive side?
This gift I exude, an attempt to defy,
Each too spineless to respond.

An abrupt secret slipped,
Wasn’t quite surprised,
Pushed to the back of my mind and it was gone,
Away from sight until you appeared,
I laughed off the accused,
But I kept truth to myself,
A smile inside when you were near,
Knowing how silent it should be,
Even as I felt it, knew it would devastate,
You can’t be right for me,
Even if I sense it,
It would decay,
Damaged hearts stay,
I could never wound you that way,

I want to be the one,
to preclude your obliteration,
laying beside you,
wishing you’d be the first to move,
how would I assess it,
if it’s the last thing I need,
but pungently longed for,

why does this exist?
Bounded by your emitting heat.
Readily weakened into submission
But inhibition always follows,
Can’t see past what keeps me hesitating.

i can see when you're talking,
and you look at me,
there's no one else,
how can i imagine you this way?
never believed i could see you in such a soft light,
scent of you behind me,
hard to admit, is this what i want,
so strange, so peculiar,
i can feel within my skin,
i'm going to run,
i don't want to ruin you,
leave you wondering if i'm ever coming back,
when i want to be alone,
i want you with me,
if i gave in,
fear would shake me,
it wouldn't be long until you've found i'd gone,
you're the one person i can't do this to,
how did i find this feeling inside?