In the eyes you used to see me through,
Maybe I get a little confused,
It won’t last,
Don’t get so uneasy,
when you see me walking past,
down hallways that exist in your mind,
I have to relive so I don’t forget,
Could be a sign,
You were meant to be mine,
I wish my heart to stone,
I’m bored debating the politics of being alone,
I’ll let you draw the conclusion on your own,
I promise I’ll stop saying how I miss you,
It seems to have lost it’s charms too,
It’s always me finding you,
But I’m leaving it,
Bittersweet endings,
You never heard of.
~You weren’t aware,
I could never find nerve to speak it,
So I keep it unspoken,
Let you go on unknowing,
Chemicals leaking,
Feelings i’m not dealing with anymore,
It’s better to be oblivious,
You don’t know how much trouble I’d be saving,
Tell me different, what would the option bring?

It was vague, you were there,
you were blurred in visions of heat,
it was a moment captured long ago,
came to revisit from my memory,
in this sudden haze you had me,
taken quickly I was high off the amazement hidden in your lips,
You speak to me on a new level,
as if I had dissipated,
fallen closer as a friend,
somewhere deep in my mind at night,
you transcend,
I know what you're after,
everything alters with seasons come and gone,
never will I fully let you go,
And you cross my mind, time to time,
but you've made a home here,
you keep quiet, arising sometimes,
I can never quite make up my mind,
do you leave your door open for me,
If I crawled in would you take me honestly,
But i'm aware reasons behind,
why i'm not beside you now,
they seem so unclear.

Do you wait for me to slowly melt,
into an unpleasant human condition,
so you can find some fault in me,
I was never perfect, it's obvious,
why don't you love me anyway!
I suppose i've carried on too long,
why am I still thinking it could be true,
we'd never stand a chance,
I will falter and you will fall,
have you grown so sturdy,
you tower over me,
i'm here,
i'm the one waiting for you to come around,
funny how positions flip,
I haven't yet decided, it's taken me years to get here,
to reach uncertainty,
beaten in the back of my mind,
this jury can't agree,
i'll always want you,
and to run from you,
what scares me?
do you know?
you can read my mind,
and I know yours better than my own,
you're desperate and loathing,
i'm just bitter,
let's connect!
we could destroy the world with intellect,
I don't want to cause harm,
but maybe you can offer me damage this time,
I'll admit I miss you tonight,
what was my reason,
so irrelevant now,
how could you forgive me so easily?
so cold, so cruel, so ignorant back then.
~A slight longing for the past,
the nights I was falling over,
but you were contagious, I couldn't resist,
the first true person,
embeded with my trust,
the first I want to turn to still,
all these things that live and breathe inside me,
why did I lose the moment,
was I right?
why am I still second guessing?
should I try to mend this,
would you even want me?
long after the picture faded,
silent with the sound of heavy rain,
and your kisses,
that summer night.

the accused cannot be held,
for innocence grips behind,
i'm always guilty to you,
you never rest until you know,
every word exchanged,
what's wrong with wanting more,
if it's all in my head,
there's nothing coming,
i'm sinking underneath,
where's the one to pull me from destruction?
was I the reason, I know i'm not,
it's just imagination,
with the idea set,
why is he silent?
actionless,
after he speaks curiosity,
wait, is it my turn to take the reigns?

Should have kept the words inside,
Now you follow my every reverie,
As if it’s full of important memory,
All things I think and feel,
Every emotion I deemed real,
You take it deep within you,
To believe my false interior,
I warned you,
But it sounds too close to truth,
Twisted with desire and wicked deception,
I aim for destruction,
Unconsciously, the ruins trail
Corroding everything I wanted to last,
why do I devise these plans to entice?
All laughter ends in desolation,
Never am I allied with censure,
I didn’t mean to let you break,
I must have been made to be alone,
Cannot let one get by,
These resilient walls,
Assembled to attack,
Constructed to protect,
Have I grown to be this way?
The heavy haunting in my head,
My heart,
You know the laceration,
I think that I’ve lost you,
But I never belonged to you,
Did you engrave it in me to set astray?
Maybe I’m just running,
Did you teach me to conceal til I collapse?
As if an empty lesson could be contained,
Should I be condemned for the mold you left for me.
It’s hard to forgive when I don’t have the answer,
And I’m too afraid to ask.

jumped the imminent gun,
it was bound anyway,
but if you could change,
if i could transform,
maybe happiness could override,
i am one for derision,
fixed my back against foray,
slippery words sliced between,
lips hidden but revealed unapprised,
the implication reigns,
a constant worry I could live without,
mark me selfish,
mark me unjust,
I would have tried for you,
I was not built to bend,
unforeseen constraint,
apology without repentance,
cast your judgement,
mark me mistaken,
mark me iniquitous,
cannot say i'm appeased,
misplaced attempt to convince,
worthy of delay.

They’re crawling on my skin,
Invading my security,
and warmth I’ve felt within,
Losing my place in stability,
indecision over our demise,
have you gotten further behind?
What you want I can’t give you,
So what makes you stay?
Have I become a opportune diversion?
Is it dying as fast as it began?
There’s not enough of me to suit your needs,
Could you prove me wrong?
Would you say you’d live without it just as long,
I can’t resurrect wounds that never healed,
Awkward exposure I must to evade,
you want to liberate me,
But I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready,
How have you made it this far?
Won’t be long before you’re turning back,
If I could have you without obstruction,
if you’d be willing to sacrifice,
No one could make me change my mind.

I can read the disappointment in your face,
Surfaced and hung heavy in your eyes,
We can still cross that line,
When it comes down to due time,
An uncertain hesitation,
But I want to forget my fears for you,
How can I give you nothing in return,
I feel so demanding,
How can I show you I’m grateful?
How can I keep you here,
This is how I let go,
I don’t know how to say,
You mean this much,
Are my actions amiss?
I’ll never understand,
Why I find it so hard,
Can you linger through it,
Until I find my way,
How far can we go
Without losing you,
Without losing myself,
Arrantly vital to you,
I just wish it didn’t subsist,
As if discretion could be followed,
I will dissenter in the end,
Longing to offer what I can’t impart.

The longer I wait
The less I believe those benevolent words,
Is this a test?
Sorry I’m not as structured as the rest,
I live concealed,
I hide the best I can,
if you don’t chase me, I won’t return,
it’s not to say I don’t feel the same,
as if my effort weren’t little enough,
you were on an elevated level,
so why should I try,
if I’ve never been good enough to suit you,
you may say a modest otherwise,
but you can’t view this through my eyes,
Do I deserve the elated state I disguise?
Can’t you see I’m separating?
My decadence released,
I’m struggling, but what for?
Neurotic illusions,
Only demise can arise when perfection is present,
I doubt the trust you lay before me,
If you cared that much would I know it?
I feel ashamed burning time much too quickly,
your euphoric eminence inculcates,
how could I learn to erase your essence.

the art is in his voice,
where he sings so gracefully,
folds me in sweetly,
and I stand capsized,
drawn into his world,
where it is only I and the sound,
all distractions cease,
I follow with an eager heart,
all directions commanded,
like a sleepwalker inside a utopian dream,
trapped but I never want to leave,
new tattooed part of me,
I am his addition,
the darkness has faded,
flood of brilliant light,
his wisdom and elegance,
a match for me to make,
while they fall apart, he falls together,
his beautiful transition,
in the wake of my eyes,
skin i'll never touch,
absence of flaw in his design,
the radiance I feel.

how ungrateful you've grown,
in such high regard i held you,
now you've tripped over swollen pride,
I hate the transformation,
the things you said you'd never be,
all just bullshit that you kept feeding me,
i'm taking the time to remind,
that the lustre inside you has died,
I saw you fade, felt you fold,
you're dancing on disgrace,
lost warmth within your face,
a shame to lose someone who meant so much.

Thought I’d never see such a vile glow,
And it struck like a hurricane blow,
it was present but it was my own,
an abysmal self creation,
what happened to my absolute dedication,
a shattering silence infusing the room,
piercing our hearts far too soon,
rolled back to the beginning,
this time hoping to collect the winning,
your universal generosity,
a parallel to my perspective,
if I could give a little more,
your candor conflicts my independence,
you’ve ended my life’s penury,
I expect your words to be full of meaning,
Will not allay false assurance,
Say straight what you portend,
Don’t make me retreat to my defense,
Never a reason to retract into refuge,
Are we ephemeral, can we transcend?
Overrun with alacrity,
Do not arise in vagary,
Conversion to my recidivist form,
Labeled laconic,
that’s who I’ve always been,
a series of sinuosity,
your beguilement remains ubiquitous,
reach me while I’m isolated,
watch my belied emotion decant,
I will repress the fallaciousness inside,
And fight for our fortitude.

From the initial sting,
You had this plan,
How suave and smoothly you’d take me,
Whisk me from existence as I knew it,
Lock me in and then unravel yourself,
Show me your unexpected nature,
Fall in line with the rest,
Trick me into short lived bliss,
Surreal spontaneity used only to get through to me,
Are you doing this for yourself?
Make me feel what you think I want to feel,
Nourish words that can’t be real,
I’m tired of the same old careless ways
You appeared to be an exception,
but I was fooled into trusting you,
how can I rely on a striking façade?
All along I thought you weren’t getting to me,
That I’d shrug off any careless actions,
But I’ve discovered I was wrong,
The dark skies are rolling in,
And where are you to greet them with me?
How hard can it be,
to keep arrangements you made with me?

Watching the water,
Waiting for what’s harder,
Didn’t want to miss out on good things,
Waiting for what’s to come,
What’s next to discover,
Curiosity catching hold,
Where will you take me?
Suspended in your arms,
Held up,
Used by the light in your eyes,
Maybe I won’t mind,
Will I linger for longer?
More than “I’ve been here before”
Seems apparent, evident in my skin,
Just a little fierce and with slight fear,
I will detach from obstruction,
Would you lie to keep me here?
Can you wait as long as it takes to get there?
Lavished saccharine acclaims
My essence: raw and innocent,
Can I contend?
Dulcet compliance.

How can I learn to be carefree?
Still and not struggle,
A stare that cannot break,
How it feels to fall fast,
With speed agile,
Sets me uneased,
I don’t want to surrender,
I fear you won’t be there when I wake,
How did I become someone,
You chose to adore,
I never imagined you’d grow more divine
Than at first glance,
So many confessions,
Innocent professions,
I’d answer only for you,
I’m at home, I’m myself with you,
Tell me everything there is to gather,
It’s clearer this time,
So much simpler this time,
I’d like to stay just like this,
Lay in the weight of your selfless kiss,
Untouchable, wrapped in this moment,
Just as we are,
As close to perfection as we can attain.

Good to know it was good for nothing,
Since when has a solid effort meant,
When we’d come all this way,
Thought support would be appreciated,
You’re making it not enough,
It ceases to be,
Anything in relation to me,
But it’s always a different story,
Tell me your side, it wins flawlessly,
You imply that I have nothing,
Nothing in comparison to you,
Only shallow opulence,
you own and display,
you’re too ahead to care to see behind,
that’s where you’ll find me.

in a new state,
a fresh development,
can you bear it, can you stand it?
close your eyes if you don't like what you see,
it will remain, it will never go away,
for once i'm taken much too sweetly,
what makes this different from times before?
you shone and you were glorious,
now you're set to destroy,
unconsciously swathed in envy,
how can I revive your precedent glow,
the one in which we savored untouchable memories.
am I stealing the light you wanted for yourself?
I can't suppress what can't be found again,
could we compromise, slip with a concession?
this is the first and I pray the last,
so now are you convinced of our value?
dismissing as lies, all the truths I bestow,
All I crave is the paradise of our past.

Still Unfinished...

what's left to unfold?
perhaps fall apart and fall away,
lessen the effort,
leave it unresolved and awaiting closure.
will it ever reach down to you?
what's the easiest path to access,
enrapt in the mirror,
unfurling new complexity,
may an ease creep into your sleep.
choosing to keep your misery for mystery.
is it enough to suffice?
replace the trace of happiness......

Is it supposed to be this easy?
makes me wonder why I ever settled before,
the first sincerity I believe,
an honest voice,
to divulge to a trusted soul,
no one's ever tried to know me like you have,
how did such sweet conditions find me?
it all fell together effortlessly,
am I doing the right thing?
seeking ways to break this complacent state,
a chance to ruin my elated tenure,
would I take it?
should these thoughts run me weary,
as they settle themselves in a lucid light,
I welcome you into the weakest part,
I hope I draw close to your ideals,
I fear that I will fall behind,
get lost in a digressing occasion,
when I hesitate will you dissuade me from giving until there's nothing left,
is your patience refined,
polished for my fresh attempt,
have you constructed an image of my existence,
with the history and words I offer,
do you know me now, what have you found?
who have I grown into?

seeing what i looked from so far up so close,
the picture paints itself more divine,
is it fooling me?
is this a conspiracy, can it be real?
feels like I never missed a day,
even if I found the words to describe,
could I use them to their best?
loneliness & emptiness has dispersed,
what's left for me to use?
i'm heading back to where i belong,
but will you come along?