New additions to our household, my baby girl Etnie the pug and V's little man Harley!

On a cold night,
The sky had never seemed so black,

Caught by surprise,
Knocked me off my feet,
Took me like a hurricane,
Touched me like I’ve never been tainted,
Pulling me in against you,

It took me so long to get here,
But I blame it all on meeting you,
Feels like there’s nothing I can’t do,
I’m afraid I’m going to lose you,
Before we get a chance.

If you’re going to let me down,
Make it quick and painless,
I don’t think I can wait another minute more,
Before I drive myself crazy with possibilities,
They’re endless, my mind is thirsty for the truth,
It’s been a long time since I felt so sure of someone,
But maybe it’s just the rush of adrenaline,
I’m awaiting disappointment,
What else could it be arising?
I could never be good enough for you,
Bad news, the phone is silent,
Every noise I hear stirs this sick feeling,
Seems I have so much to say every day that you don’t call.
Drink away this despair,
Blur the sweetness beyond recognition,
So I can’t overanalyze,
Rehearse my lines,
Just to forget as soon as your voice sounds,
So I lay with all these thoughts to sort,
Keep me awake, come find me somewhere in my sleep,
what is it that keeps you feeding me suspense.

Struck down,
I am ignited,
Words fumble softly,
Strong and resounding,
Where we’re tangled and met,
Unlaced and exposed,
There’s nowhere to hide,
And I’m fine,
For once I’m right,
A darker shade of gray,
I’m honestly lost,
Shake these thoughts,
Purify my mind,
I can’t say aloud,
What you wish you knew,
Ideas I can’t scratch away.
My mind, can’t make itself,
Stop thinking,
Time is ticking,
One breath closer,
To sinking,
Will I break before morning?

It was forever ago
We met and our story set
You played guitar with such deliberate delicacy
And reckless ability
I set my sights on you,
3 years didn’t matter,
our nights in the summer,
you watching me waste away in your arms,
forgetting what distance would come between us,
surprised the memories have come out so vividly,
a painless departure only seemed possible,
after I pushed you so far from me,
left you devastated,
so young I couldn’t devote myself to anyone,
but holding on so tight,
you were my spine, keeping me together,
every thing you told me was the truth,
and every thought you occupied,

broken hearts mended and torn,
so many tortured times you told me I was right,
but I never really meant it, hoped it wouldn’t last,
I kept close, to keep the warmth in your heart growing,
but you drifted and I wandered,

now we’re trying hard to live our separate lives
you’re doing so well without me
but it’s not working, I’m finding holes everywhere,
in this shitty plan,
why didn’t you tell me about her,
I’m so angry you shut me out,
where is our ending?
Please tell me there’s a twist around the corner,
A letter reopened,
I know I need you now.

Here I have imagined us
Under these constellations,
No complications, just this winter's white,
Have I executed a place in my mind,
I never knew before,
I'm standing on this high hill of hope,
watching what I'm wishing for,
fighting for foolish things,
I don't want to be alone.

Not that I ever complied,
Lied to myself,
Fulfilling my need,
With all these hateful things,
All the faces,
I never wanted to be,
Bled my plea,
To you on my knees,
Now that it’s switched on,
Does it compel you to?
Sell it soft suspense,
Have I sold you too?
Let it wind you up inside,
Scream in sweet release,
A tortured tongue trips on the truth,
Sway me into oblivion.

I’m not waiting up for you no more,
I’ve washed my hands of your drama,
Always getting in our way,
I’ve put forth everything I’ve got,
Still it’s never enough, you’re draining me,
Drawing all the life out of me,
I’ve got no more energy to spare,
Wasting it listening to your lame ass excuses,
I tried what I could to salvage what I felt,
But love doesn’t want to stick around anymore,
Intensity dove underground,
You have been found impeccably further than thoughts care to wander,
You’re growing fonder, but I’m sailing away.
On soft seas, burning remnants of you to dust,
You send sweet words to capture,
You aim is useless and it hits me,
But I don’t sense a difference,
Actions speak louder,
You’re throwing me off with your inability,
To bring yourself to me.

You don’t have it in you,
The right words to keep me,
Or the actions to make me want to stay,
I knew it all along,
You maintained that I was wrong,
Now you don’t disagree,
Just pretend I never said anything.
I take offense to your irresolution.
You’re not spontaneous like me.
A repetitive cycle, winding up the same.
what's the purpose?
My spite for you, my misconstrued mystifier.
Why don’t you ever change?
Since you know the story well.
I can’t be pacified.
False hope with no avail.
You just keep putting me off,
So get drunk and say sweet things,
you’re not getting anywhere.
I remember every scratch you etched into me.

Won’t you leave me lying here?
In this hole where I buried myself.
I’m treading water,
You’re pulling me underneath the surface,
I didn’t ask for your return,
Exchange you for new,
Suffering through inescapable you,
Say you will, but you never will,
Avoid your faults, they only anchor you further,
Losing interest, losing patience,
What haven’t I done for you?we’re still getting nowhere.
dress me up like your girl,
where it’s quiet, when no one’s around,
It’s too soon to make your move,
distance is your biggest foe.
Scrape me off my feet,
I’m not obliged,
If you can’t take the time.

Siren sings loud,
I’m up in the crowd,
First to fail you,
A wildfire in the rush,
Soft cement, I’m motionless,
Applauding the cause of my fidelity,
The pages and pages upon which I poured,
I penned for you,
A fair fight, measured in mended hearts,
Who’s will be last broken?
Merit my efforts,
Summer still carries on,
No matter what you hide,
It hasn’t dried up and died,
Best to pretend, best to outrun everything,
Suspended in sound,
Forget everything up until now,
It's inevitable, we're not where we belong,
smoke filled room,
it echoes in emptiness without you.

What’s the word to describe this,
Degree of loss of sanity,
I held you once for sweet eternity,
Or so it seemed,
But I wound up to push you down,
I flew back when I caught my breath,
But irony beat me to you,
Flawed a fantastic light,
It’s only rational,
that eventually you will find me,
early 80s baby, did we make history?
I made a mark, stuck hard,
but you peeled me off, to move on,
it’s getting late, can you take me home?
Screw all your common sense,
It never won you anything but intellect,
Still your face never fades to grey,
When my eyes say they want to stay.

We wind up here again.
At last you’re coming back,
With one binding breath,
You’re laying on the charm,
For some reason you can’t seem to get enough,
What compels you to continue when I drive you away?
And I’m so uninvolved, distracted, but curious.
How far will we push this time?
No one ever saw what I did,
There’s not much appealing anymore,
And once I’m fed-up with you,
Hello, hi and a smile, here you are,
Waking up where you want to be,
And I’ve given up going easy on you,
you must sense the prospects growing,
your efforts subjugated,
my mind inflated with richer possibilities.
I know now, what I’m capable of attaining.

~*~

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It was this guy's (my roomie's boytoy's) suprise bday party at our place on Sat. Here are some of the highlights!

This is one of my fav photos.

Now I’m so accustomed to your way,
If you’ve got someone to fill the place,
Why should I matter anymore?
Well I hope she’ll never leave you,
All this “our friendship is important”
Blown out the window, bullshit,
You’ve had all this time to catch up,
But you never tried,
Why pretend when you see me?
Can’t you help yourself?maybe the miles between are a good thing,
I’m tired of losing sleep,
Mourning over our broken ties,
Kuz it was never me that mattered,
It was having someone to fall back on
When your head was a heavy cloud,
I’m glad I served you well,
And if you need me, I might think about sticking around,
It’s hard to accept that someone else is walking in my shoes,
Filling the richest thoughts in your mind,
And the heart I used to own.

Desperate to seek the truth,
Imagining you showing up at my door,
Take me in your arms,
Tell me you’ve loved only me,
Always me,
She was just a summer fling,
While you were waiting for my return,
If you knew I was a sure thing,
Would you run back to me?
I’m so mad at myself,
For hesitating an eternity,
What could I say to convince you,
That it should be us, not you and her,
Do I still reign in your heart?
Do you shut her out kuz I taught you to?
I can’t stop my brain from ticking,
Funny how when I ask what’s new,
You don’t mention her existence,
Do you think I’d already know?
how would i?
how long has it been?
No wonder you’ve been so preoccupied,
I guess my sneaking suspicion was right.
I hate knowing, I hate thinking of the two of you,
And what we could have had.
Maybe you’ll miss me too much to stay apart.
You were my everything for many years,
My safety net, incase I tripped over my life,
Now I’m headed backwards at 100 miles per hour,
And you wouldn’t know it.
Call me a home wrecker, I’ve come to claim what’s mine.