This would be my very own photo of Mr. City and Colour.

After taking in the beautiful man that is Dallas Green live, I was completely enthralled by his talent and presence for the remainder of the evening and most of the next afternoon. I discovered that his immaculately perfect sound could not be captured in a recording studio. I had never and probably never will again be in such awe by an incredible human being. Maya was knocked off her rocker as well. Her expectations had been blown away. We both walked out of the venue that night helplessly in love with Mr. Green. It was well worth the hour long shiver session waiting in line to get in.

So disheartened,
My chest feels vacant,
Every sound radiates in my head,
Unable to sit still,
Until I hear your voice,
My lungs are collapsing,
Barely breathing,
I am anticipating your arrival,
I’ll never see your face,
But my hopeful heart won’t rest,
I will drown in your words tonight,
Spilling off the page and creeping under my skin,
I let you invade,
Better late than never,
Tell me it’s still living inside you,
it’s what you’ve been waiting for,
all this time has just been a façade,
kept in a cage,
Let me out baby, set me right,
I feel so messed up, so out of control,
There’s no pleasure in trailing the past,
If you’re absent from the part you play.

If I don’t have you,
How will I ever know myself?
Could you come perambulating?
And I will take you in,
Return to me, you can’t stay gone forever,
What if you do?
What will become of me?
I’ll just fade into the background,
Never shine like I could beside you,
i left my heart at your last show,
a year ago september,
you rose and I fell,
she was watching,
and I’ll never hear goodbye,
the way I wanted to,
even if I fought, would I still lose?
Is it worse for us to end this way?

I am here,
Whittling away,
Giving up easy,
You were never a quick catch,
Wandering somewhere alone,
Avoiding attention,
While I’m pouring my heart into effort,
That you ignore.
Why should I bother?
you won’t throw me a reason,
Feeling so inclined to let you be,
Forget the way you make me feel,
So swollen by your misdirection.
How you’ve undermined my intentions,
As far as I can manage to get from you now,
Show me your cold shoulder,
It’ s better for me,
Sick of trying to prove,
How good I am for you,
Baby we’re done.

Don’t you see
How weighted we are?
Will love prevail this time?
Has it ever before?
I know I know
How empty you’ve felt
But if you’d let me linger,
I could fill the void,
You might be a lot to manage,
But i am stronger than perceived,
Opening and closing,
I’m counting days til we meet,
Did you find the place where you left off?
Buried under heaps of heavy sky,
I’ll dig a trench to keep you safe,
By the side of the road,
Watching speeding cars pass,
Searching for your face,
Spot lit by the sunlight,
Here you come to save me,
Flames eating at my halo,
These poisoned ideas,
You could take me to a desolate place,
I wouldn’t tell,
How typical a tale,
To kill my pragmatic legacy,
But you make my mind crawl,
Into corners I never knew hid in my head

All the contradictions,
Bled me nowhere,
Just left me lying empty,
The thoughts that meandered my way,
I’ll pass off as your confusion,
Tear yourself between misdirection,
Gun me down,
They’ll keep coursing through me,
I’m still moving,
Letters that you’ll write,
Filling up the sorrowful room,
Who’s going to read them, with as much dignity?
I held you high on a pedestal,
But stole the weight from under your feet,
Now it’s all you’ve got,
Ceaseless and unchanging,
Seizing and phasing

I wish I had known you,
When you were alive,
I would have loved you,
Shown you the reasons,
This world couldn’t have gotten on,
Without you,
Hearing your voice,
Much too late,
What drove you to leave this way?
Can you watch what’s happening,
Where you are?
Know how heavy our hearts are to carry?
I could tie yours to mine if you came back,
If you floated down to meet me,
I’ll save a place,
Every chord inspires me,
I couldn’t care more,
About your misses and arrows,
Leading me to tomorrow,
Erase the puddles that clouded your judgment,
And crowded your heart,
We could be unhappy and belong,
Rock me to sleep

I’ve lost you now,
My heart won’t sing a sad tune,
Not for you,
Underneath every hope,
My layer of misery,
Has been revoked,
I don’t feel the sting,
Every day that you’re not here,
Is one less lonely,
Steps closer to the right one,
I know what I’m searching for,
Someone to wake me with a sweet melody,
I might live a long life on my own,
but I have all I’ll ever need.

I’ve fallen in love with a song,
A face I see in photographs,
There is no future,
But this romance with his words,
My thoughts embodied,
Echo in my room,
Invading my head,
Will I meet you when I rest my eyes?
Take me to your world

My mind is so clear
With the sun in my eyes
Squinting out philosophies,
The highway brings such a sense of clarity,
Here nothing can taint my mood,
I can forget the madness of reality,
What you meant to me,
Isn’t near as impacting,
At this speed,
There is no stopping my spirit from soaring,
Why can’t I feel this way every day?
Free, running where I want to,
Remembering moments I wish I could go back to,
Meet me in my mind

Here I am with my heart on my sleeve,
Holding it out to you,
And you shut me down,
Give me reasons kuz I don’t understand,
Every sign you give me is a go ahead,
That you wouldn’t mind being mine,
But I lay my pride on the line,
Only for you to decline,
The way you look at me makes me believe differently,
Like there’s a story hiding,
Contradicting words with your actions,
I can’t count on anything but confusion,
When will this torture end?
Truths reveal themselves so I can just move past,
I’m trying so hard to show you,
Who we could be together,
But you’re shying away.
Do you embrace your darkness?
Revel in your pain?
Kuz I am the remedy,
Ready to take you somewhere you’ve never been.
I don’t know what you want from me.
All the effort that I’m making,
To save you from your sorrow,
Seems so desecrate.

How long will it take
For your heart to heal?
Loan mine out to you,
You can keep it like a secret,
if you like how it feels,
can you push aside your pain
to make room for me?
Am I wrong to assume what I see before me is real?
I can’t continue to contain myself,
On the verge of spilling everything,
And you see how untied I’ve become,
First time finding it’s not a waste of time to wait,
Guilty of giving too much to a taker,
You’re hollowed out,
But she still finds a solution to drain you dry.

Putting an end to my ambivalence
All I see is you,
and the light in my eye flickers,
knowing I’ve found you,
in a sea of unfamiliar faces,
it’s yours I long to caress,
take hold of in my hands,
the lines and creases,
I’m learning this language,
As fast as I can process,
Your elegant imperfection,
how it makes me ache to love you,
while I fall I’m afraid to let go,
incase you change your mind,
you could be mine,
what is it that imprisons you?

I might lose my mind,
With all these convictions you’re throwing,
No one knows who’s telling the truth,
How can I want more,
When I don’t know you,
Sending me fleeing for safety and sanity.
I’ll hide out until your secrets are revealed.
Stop tracing my footsteps,
Only I can be me,
You can’t breathe down my back,
And expect me to stick around.
I don’t want to pick someone up
Who’s always down.

A sordid design,
Hide it in my eyes,
To steal thoughts from you mind,
Make them my own.
One weary tear,
A collision of unkept words I swept for you my dear,
Tracing panes of long passed days,
Where I have waited.
Your careless lines echo in my ears a thousand times,
Belied tonight,
I won’t fight sleep to keep you from my dreams,
Devised a plot to invade your thoughts,
But you beat me at my own game.
I have let you wander on.
What lies will be replaced with truth?
Below the tide, time’s ticking. Grace in regression.

Delegate your ways,
fierce and devestating,
morose and impending.
Enrapture me.
Breathe in, smoke out,
piercing my dialect,
innocuous claims,
deterred only for a moment.
My heart stops.
Slow down,
take me in,
we will break apart.
Meander near,
find yourself here.
Tied to your affliction,
ceased to tame me.
The crimson I bear,
longing to remember the heat between our tangled souls.
You remain my fondest memory.

Thought I had it made,
Thought I had it coming,
Was sure I could have you,
But circumstances always change when they’re relied upon,
I faked brave for you,
Made my move,
As much as I tried,
Everything came untied,
Blamed myself for the destruction,
It must be me,
I can’t keep taking the weight on my shoulders,
How many more times will the fault be mine?


Days gone by,
Bring me closer to realization ,
I might love you,
How long will we wander separately?
You know I’m not going anywhere,
The look in my eyes is changing,
I can’t hide its growing strength,
What are we delaying for?
All the time you take,
Makes me anxious,
Close to admitting,
Fighting the impulse,
Afraid to hear your reaction,
Would you say we‘re better off this way?

In your presence,
My body numbs,
How I would like to get closer,
Could all these images in my head
Ever be real?
I do not wish to risk my chance,
And let the excitement of possibility swell,
are the thoughts in your mind stirring?
I’m getting carried away,
Take me in, fold me into you,
We could talk like strangers,
But lay like friends,
How many hearts have you broken?
Seal your confessions,
Fill me with your history,
Why do we keep meeting?
What I wish I knew,
From what your implications say,
I might not be too late,
would you save me from a callous world?
Entering without warning.

how do they find me?
it’s like a repetitious sad sorry song,
how many times will i meet the same person in one life?
make me your prisoner,
break me down until i’m at your mercy,
when will it be on my terms?
learn to let you down,
every time i try and fight,
i surrender under pressure,
wanting you to never let me go,
why do i think time might change your mind?
i’m only abdicating my power,
so tired of forever being underfoot,
why do i have to be everything to everyone?

this is how i say goodbye,
i came apart for you too many times,
i can’t stand beside you,
when you treat me so badly,
when the moment hits, you’re saying what you know i want to hear,
after i’ve given in, you toss me away like I don’t mean a thing,
i’ve seen who you are underneath,
my ears take in the stories miles long,
what you’re doing purposely,
maybe one day you’ll grow up,
show up at my door with an apology,
i feel so stupid, mistaking your lies for truth,
my hopeful heart, deceived by you,
now i’m letting you out from under my skin,
get out, get gone,
i’m going to be the first to break this habit,
burn this bridge, i’ll never cross again,
may life be good to you.

i don’t want to know you,
i wish i could take back all the feelings i wasted on you,
you don’t know what you want,
but to plow through me,
ruin my defenses,
i am vaccinated against you,
try me, see how far you get this time,
you’re every shade of wrong,
i hope you find some answers,
how’d you get so fucked up?
you weren’t that way when I knew you,
you’re not even alive,
what took ahold of you,
made you into this monster?
every time you’re begging me in the dark,
save yourself some dignity,
just leave me out of your life.

Elusive and irreplaceable,
Tender taste of your lips,
Too hazy to recall,
Maybe it’s my mind’s creation,
Maybe it’s loneliness’ urgency,
How much convincing would it take?
To pick up my phone,
What would I say to you,
Without fervency?
Would you deem me forlorn?
Can I wait to discover your thoughts of me?

how can i be in this place?
twice removed,
now i’m stepping into my old shoes,
but once it’s over,
there is no ever after,
there’s no point in holding on to something, never coming
you may be, everything to me tonight,
but tomorrow you’ll be a stranger,
it’s ridiculous to carry this false hope,
to anticipate you coming back to me,
every amber light,
i’m better off oblivious,

i have tried,
every way to be wise,
but you dig the deepest trench in me,
letting my emotions run wild as rivers,
i couldn’t come by cause i knew,
how effortlessly you weaken me into submission,

i lose my mind,
when you pull me in,
press my face to yours,
feeling how much you need me,
space becomes our enemy,
what we’ve held back escapes,
furious and sententious,

what i’d invest in you,
ready for the chance to fire away,
it’s not me, it’s the company,
i’ve expired overnight,
a taste just to remember,
what it is you’re not missing,

you’ll say what you have to,
vanish when i ask too much,
you’ve poisoned me,
led me to the edge,
and attached anchors to my feet,

i am a last resort?
the last on your list to cross?
untangle this confusion
i can’t go on presuming.