The man with the crooked mouth,
Mesmerized by it’s movement,
And his clear eyes,
Shifting calmly but with artful suspicion,
Sustains mystery, shy away from the probing eye,
Something so unique and incendiary,
Impossible to withdraw from watching,
Often a figure in my dreams,
He imbues me,
Permeated by his emanated longing.

Coiled around your shadow,
I cannot reach inside you,
You refuse to give me a glimpse of what you hide,
Slow and deliberate,
I am circling you,
Imagining you with me,
And the bliss we’d rouse,
It’s a sickening thought,
To become those we deride,
You bonafide acerbity
Sometimes I see your affection,
appear and fade before you notice that I’ve caught on,
a faint light, but still burning behind two windows,
evolving, not fast enough to include me,
being your placate playmate,
leaves this abyss you forget to inject with your empathy,
my importunate pleas aggravate your response to me.
The part that hurts the worst is why you cut me off so suddenly,
I swear I want you as you are.

Every minute you are remembered,
I see your name and know you’re breathing,
My eyes are fighting tears,
My heart races faster,
You’ve become this chimera,
A constant thought impossible to abandon,
I wrote my love for you,
I’m still waiting,
Even just the acknowledgement of words swallowed,
Will lay my mind to rest,
Somehow I’ve been running without blood in my veins,
You took it all away,
I hate the numbness I’ve befriended
after years of missing you,
you were my extension, the part that encapsulated vivacity,
I simply decay at the slightest association,
I can’t keep myself intact.
I wish it were your arms collecting the fragments that once reified me.

You had me when I ran with fire in my eyes,
The wind could never slow me,
Too wild to be tamed,
Too ignorant to be aware of the world,
There must be better out there,
I never second guessed my choices,
Reality was much harsher than expected,
I never lost anything of value,
Not until I realized what I found in you,
Couldn’t handle complacency,
Never felt I deserved the euphoria I held,
Instead of loving you like I should have,
I turned you away.
Mourning the death of our affinity,
Nothing rests comfortably,
With this part of me absent.

This will pass,
i’m concealing apologies,
that want to find you,
but it’s your sorries I’m not expecting,
you know how hard it’s been,
for me to sit and wonder,
since you’re withholding validation,
what’s the point in hanging hope on a baitless hook,
in an empty sea,
watching my words incase I trespass your safe grounds,
taboo topics I transgress upon,
and you take them like a witness to a murder,
no one plays the arcane contrivance better than you.
I’ve tried but you’ve uncovered every entry.

Don’t make me a damsel,
Slippery imputations slithering between painted lips,
Stop rendering me helpless,
No more deliberate misconceptions,
Just to draw attention to the worst in me,
Your restrictions are exhausting,
I shouldn’t have to defend myself against your fiction,
You’ve never been on my side.

Almost forgot your existence,
Accepted the idea our paths weren’t meant to join,
But your beautiful face resurfaced in a place I didn’t expect,
My mind keeps rehashing the evening,
Searching for indications,
That my hopes might have motive to soar,
The first to strike my interest,
While the others are amenable,
You’re the latest enigma,
I can’t resist unraveling,
Fraying from the inside,
My credence deteriorated as your mouth moved,
Curiosity’s affliction,
What feelings arise when I appear in your mind?
While I’m wishing you oblige,
will resolve terminate the allure?
I'd rather be apprised.

Another heedless mouth,
When will I meet the last time-waster?
Are we so desperate, we’ll lay fueled by intoxication?
I’m always the one caught in crossfire,
Naïve to believe a chance might be worth taking,
Romance is deliberative plea,
To those with broken egos/to the pitiful egotist in need.
They’re all vampires.
It’s a shame how disillusioned I’ve become,
I feel nothing when the anesthetized elucidation arrives,
Is it wrong to wait for the archaic concept of fervor to return?
I’ll quit liaising with the same syndication.

I hit the trigger to turn your toxicity on,
Where in the night did I find it?
The first could be no mistake,
If I found myself in your arms twice
Finally released, I felt at ease enough to be me,
You seemed pleased until the light licked your window.
What wore off in two hours time?
Grant me mercy, toss me a clue,
What instantaneously changed you?
From entertaining my lips to recovering from the blade of your sharp-edged tongue.
You held me tightly,
but I awoke shivering from your imprudence.
Were there words that displeased you?
As soon as I allowed myself to let you in,
you morphed into this monster.
It’s the unwarranted actions that bruise me,
I can’t forget the way it felt to be pressed against you,
There are no breaks,
only loss after loss for nice girls like me.

i'm not one to disguise my feelings,
I could tell in your tone,
it hung heavy in the air,
I left my mind on your lips,
unaware of anything but your touch,
and being ajoined by legs locked together,
last night,
my mind can't stop meandering back,
I couldn't stay for fear of where my hands would lead me,
i'm wishing to prolong the moment and our mingling heat,
in my head i'm crawling underneath your covers and your comforting arm,
every melody becomes our rhythm
and the rise before I crash into you,
i'll keep your kiss with me,
until the urgency strikes us again.

how many are you going to go through,
before you cease licking my plate clean?
when this comes full circle,
you'll be wishing you played your hand differently,
I should pass you my book of numbers,
so you can finish what unwritten law you've broken,
you know how to suffocate a dying song,
show me some remorse,
i'm not the forgiving kind,
I keep all your faithless actions,
locked in my memory,
it's a lucid fact that you're not changing,
latch on to your own dreams,
stop tracing where my steps have been,
to prove you're good enough to have what once was mine,
fill your pockets with my past,
take all you can carry,
you'll never be better than second best.

Coming in waves of twos,
Still I never manage to win,
It’s the wayward ones that find me,
I’m sleeping with a satisfied smile,
But it always fades too soon,

I do this to myself,
Becoming inured to,
This sort of assiduous self-torture,
Every admonition is ignored,
While I’m aware you’re whoring yourself out,
I long to be the solitary,
I feel like a waste,
Filling my head with obstinacy,
And your ascetic prophesy,
I was certain of your quiet covet,
But I am the one you return to,
After all the damage has transpired.
Use me when you’re low,
Just to get back on your feet,
Leave me, until there is no one else.

Beneficial mendacity sustains my resilience,
and my will to adore you still.

Those spiteful words,
They keep jumping around in my head,
I hate what you have instilled in me,
Destroyed my self worth,
Held my head high with knowing,
What I may have meant,
But you broke that vision,
Of all the grand things I could be,
I can’t be sure, you refuse to clarify,
Only set to mystify,
I never get a glimpse to go on,
All those hints you hide in your sarcastic strides,
Why is it so impossible for you to open up,
When you know I’ve never been anything but here for you,
And near for you,
To steer you away from the dark that steals you,
I give every ounce of strength to try and heal you,
But I’m never thanked.
I must dissuade myself from feelings I believed I held for you,
Chock it up to fabrication,
I lay all the blame on you.

My fragmented mind,
A calming obsolesce,
Your presence, once dispersive, I have outgrown
I am renascent without the love of another,
A perfectly timed chasm

Your excuses are so docile and effortless,
All your stories have no ends,
I can’t agree you’ve outsmarted me,
I’ve finally learned not to let you,
I wasn’t dumb, just full of compassion,

It’s hard to detach myself from you,
You’ve been an underlying force in my life,
But this is history now, let’s leave the dust in the pages,
The benevolence, I dropped my own engagements to provide for you,

the adulation I spit to please you,
your unrequited appreciation shamed my benign,
after allowing your hands to reconstruct me,
I felt like a prisoner in the war to amplify you,
Am I the artist to this disaster?

The more I cling to what we have left,
The more eager you are to run,

My body’s ambulant,
But my heart’s held by inertia,
While your eyes were occupied I found a wall to fit between us.

Finally I wrote something!!

Here I lay my armor for you,
Bare my shoulders and brave the cold,
To renege awaiting your embrace,
A subrogation,
I’ll linger years and cling to passing planets,
If gravity defies me.
I’ll attest its purity, if you shed the blinding light of truth.
Precariously prevailed to exalt you where I deemed deserved,
Set to enisle, if you weren’t so enmeshed,
Happy where you can remain, surrounded by stillness,
That which I cannot grant,
Though I am subsisting somehow,
I am fragile in my futility,
This, my final valediction,
I prepare my heart for a hard departure,
From one that I loved so methodically,
I will not feign our fate as auspicious.

Wake me when you remember,
My arms are still outstretched,
Are you ignoring what sits before you?
A letter that embodies me,
If you can’t see me than I can’t be real,
As long as you can keep me a dream,
I’ve got these feet that won’t fail me,
And a love that I can’t pacify,
Even when I’ve caught the obvious,
You avoid the argument,

I am holding my breath for word from you,
Everything I hear sounds like you’re content with your life,
But whose stories are right?
Are things as happy on the inside?
The only man with steady hands,
Who embraced my passion and my pain,
I can’t turn my back these days,
You don’t know how much you’ve enriched me,

I lost the scent of you,
It’s all I had to cling to,
Now the rest is just slipping away.

This is what I’ve been longing for,
The moment you resurface,
With an invitation to respond,
But in what context are you reaching out to me?
I’m regretting everything I said,
How forceful it seems,
What’s better, you knowing? or leaving this unspoken?
I’m not delusional, I understand there is no chance for me,
How can I love you without saying,
It’s hard to be so vulnerable,
Maybe you’re a different person,
But I love who you used to be,
I can keep my secret dreams,
While I’m waiting for you to learn,
All the things that have been burning inside of me,
I can’t waste any opportunity to taste,
The beauty we once achieved.
Just one night,
To belong in your arms,
To share feelings swelling,
to express without speaking,
the adulation thats escaped these lips,

I am so cold sometimes,
I can’t love myself enough to fill the void,
I need to just be,
I’ll show you the empty side of me,
Everything I wanted is gone,
For you and me,
I think it’s too late,
To reshape what I have become,
i’m sorry it wasn’t what you wished it would be,
we all agree,
it was right to walk away,
I’ve been telling you the whole time,
Don’t run me down,
with what mess remains,
don’t fall pray to his pleas,
they rest with all his unfulfilled promises,
sometimes pain is better on the outside,
I’m drinking mine down,
He ruined a city for me,
Too harrowing to pass places sated with memories,
Why were our walls meant to crumble?
Why was it best to flee?
Left me with questions,
I’m not at ease,
Unless I’m feeling heartache,
What’s it like to live without?
I wouldn’t trade you to know.

Don’t underestimate my perception,
It’s painfully obvious,
How you’re putting it on,
Attempting to convince yourself,
Things will work themselves out,
The love has died,
Did it ever exist at all?
you keep dragging yourself along,
The undertow is heavy and it’s winning,
Your painted smile isn’t fooling anybody anymore,
The root of my skewed vision,
Can be traced to the bad decisions you believe in,
the longer you suffocate, the more you harden me,
I can't see the world the same,
Everyone's become an enemy out to damage me,
Sewn deep in my psyche,
There's no chance in hell i'll ever break free.
While your life falls apart, you lean on me,
it's impeding without reliance,
constructing an unwilling cynic,
with all this animosity I hold onto,
I hate the change i'm forced into.

In this city where I live, I am learning to appreciate what surrounds me. Being attacked by all these profound realizations, I'm taking it all in incase it should ever slip away. You are my driving force, the one who inspires me. Eliminating boundaries in my endeavors. I still think about you every day.

I found myself in a world so tainted,
I couldn’t be rescued,
Giving up on optimism,
How small a change could start,
Falling in love with a stranger,
Whose eyes met mine,
With a smile to follow.
Bringing me, the notion of possibility,
And how I could spend these days,
if only we convened.
Compelled to return the site of our connection,
I can’t live just knowing you’re alive,
Is this the face of fate?
Or am I just drawn to the unknown?
Feeling that time is wasted,
when I’m not where you are,
ask me my name,
so I’ll learn more than your demeanor,
beyond your entrancing exterior,
memorized in my mind,
I’ve never been so shaken.