Wasn't it easy to pretend?
but i'm not pretending anymore,
it's everything I mean,
it's about time I was able to discover,
just how long the feelings have been gone,
that's it, and there's the end,
i'm glad it's in the past now,
I realized too late,
I was meant to be the girl you wanted but could never have,
there's no turning back,
I have no regrets,
i'm absolutely dry of anything I once held for you,
don't think for an instant that you had any control over me,
don't you ever wonder why?
all i'm looking for is anyone but you,
you need distraction,
i'm already over you,
please don't flatter yourself,
i'm always the better person,
on the brink of insanity,
living my life the way I should be,
you're isolated in your cold, lonely capsule,
seems a depressing fate is awaiting you,
i'm not surprised,
look how you torture yourself.

It's the little things that matter most, the littlest things can turn a person off. It's the littlest things that can provide a whole new outlook on feelings that you thought were really there.

How big has the void grown?
you know I was your way out,
your only escape from loneliness,
have you gradually begun to see,
just how wrong you've been,
do you want me back in your life?
just say it,
prove to me your worth,
how good things will be,
kuz i'm close to caving,
tell me what i've been waiting to hear,
i'll be the first to say goodbye,
catch a tear in the corner of your eye,
why do you think you're so superior to me?
what makes you so self assured?
where'd you get the confidence?
what gives you the right,
to make me feel so small beside you,
remember I was the one to bend,
to accommodate for you,
I hope you're caught up,
let me let you know,
i'm not burning for you,
not yearning for you,
you're just a washed up lost long ago mistake,
but I want the opportunity,
to walk away from you.

Naters, Thank you so much for being so amazing to me! You've always been there for me!

What I wouldn't give to have you beside me,
my eyes sting when you tell me over the distance how you miss me,
"if I were there i'd lay beside you and play with your hair until you fell asleep"
everything I needed to hear came tumbling out,
what more could I ask for,
the best friend that I ever encountered,
rising in my struggles to support and love me unconditionally,
my life is such a pleasant place,
exploding with vitality,
your presence makes the difference between my good and bad days.


~*~

The letters that I wrote,
I can never send you,
all those emotions, the passion that I unveiled,
you overlooked and dismissed,
threw into the stormy engulfing waters,
tied to an anchor I sank,
how foolish I felt,
buried my head in the sand,
when I resurface will you,
change your mind,
my collegiate assumptions,
but you can't wave your hand and make existing feelings disappear,
you were just as rapt in the occasions as I,
I held it closer and you wished it to wilt and expire,
how could your desperate kisses be announced "so insignificant",
what didn't I do right,
to warrant your revulsion,
was I too willing to give?
now I seethe inside not knowing any truths to your contentions,
the belligerence that blisters,
the foundation of your aim to harm yourself only made me amend with dejection.
Was that your purpose?
Why can't you set this straight so I can understand, why make me wonder?
Why make me despise you for all you've done.
Not even you know.

I have so much work I should be doing. Instead I choose to accomodate my lazy side. A test on Thursday, a layout assignment tmw, work tmw as well. Running on 3 hours of sleep. I don't think life gets any better than this.

I know the strife you've endured,
but if you could see from another perspective,
step out of your shoes,
live again without this heavy heartache,
the ups and downs of love,
leading you to sorrow,
caught in a content corruption,
the sun in the sky,
will shine once again,
If I could steal the struggles,
release you into a bright day,
it will come to you,
exhilaration will devour,
you needn't worry,
luck comes easy,
don't you recognize,
all the potential you possess,
the gazes you absorb with dulled eyes,
despair can't survive forever,
divine moments are on the way,
all the pain from those delicate memories,
will fade with strength,
I sense the will within you,
ease yourself, part with darkness,
graceful misery,
please don't be so sullen,
all wounds heal with time.

A time for change,
everyone around me dances in the spotlight,
i'm heading for the shadows,
there I will remain hidden,
how can I morph into the creature you want more than I,
must I transform into,
a brilliant shell in order to be good enough,
your distinctive taste,
dissatisfied with my current existence,
and still the beauty and truth in my words you could never compare,
with every breath,
i'll show you what i'm made of,
I touched the place you'd never allow yourself to acknowledge,
i'm still waiting for the day,
you return to me to find you can't resist,
surrender before you drown in my compelling seas.

I'd come so far,
I thought I made it through,
ever since you said to forget,
I had myself convinced,
Why am I shaking inside?
you returned to haunt my memory,
the last thing I wanted,
I don't care about you,
I just need what I can't have,
drives me to the absolute end,
every little reminder,
invokes the night's events,
they reoccur in my head,
I felt so strong, so secure,
i'll never admit you're still my weakness,
you're still my enemy,
I will overcome,
I will show you everything you'll be missing,
you betrayed me,
lead by these confessions,
you can't even face me,
you're a frightened child,
plead me, knock down this wall you've constructed,
to keep me away,
but you still see me while you sleep,
or have you erased me from every part of you?