how can i be in this place?
twice removed,
now i’m stepping into my old shoes,
but once it’s over,
there is no ever after,
there’s no point in holding on to something, never coming
you may be, everything to me tonight,
but tomorrow you’ll be a stranger,
it’s ridiculous to carry this false hope,
to anticipate you coming back to me,
every amber light,
i’m better off oblivious,

i have tried,
every way to be wise,
but you dig the deepest trench in me,
letting my emotions run wild as rivers,
i couldn’t come by cause i knew,
how effortlessly you weaken me into submission,

i lose my mind,
when you pull me in,
press my face to yours,
feeling how much you need me,
space becomes our enemy,
what we’ve held back escapes,
furious and sententious,

what i’d invest in you,
ready for the chance to fire away,
it’s not me, it’s the company,
i’ve expired overnight,
a taste just to remember,
what it is you’re not missing,

you’ll say what you have to,
vanish when i ask too much,
you’ve poisoned me,
led me to the edge,
and attached anchors to my feet,

i am a last resort?
the last on your list to cross?
untangle this confusion
i can’t go on presuming.

got my fix
this 4 year itch,
i keep scratching at you,
i can’t be cured,
knowing just how good it could be,
when will this midnight endeavor,
become daily routine?
i keep holding on and hoping,
but your requisiteposition keeps us apart,
i can’t contain this pleasing secret,
your destitution displayed as you devour me,
would you lie to find me here?
i can’t go back,
to who i was at the beginning,
relapse and repeat,
every chance I get,
i’m questioning my stability,
i can’t love any other,
while my heart is in your hands.

i give in to you,
because it’s all i can do,
to find myself helpless in your arms,
it’s achingly meaningful,
i’m an aid to a void,
keeping you warm,
just for awhile,
as the curtain draws,
we’re thrown back into where you and i ended,
i catch a hint of your old sweet soft spoken self,
every kiss is an apology,
one returned with longing,
this is what we will always be,
never embody more,

I remember where I went wrong,
in your presence I fell further,
time rewound to our beginning,
lightning struck the same place twice,
every passionate kiss,
every hurried breath,
memories pulling me apart,
I held it in my hands,
something pure, something real,
I left you in the background,
expected you'd stay forever,
you gave up waiting,
I don't make sense without you.

Startling to find myself alive,
For the first time in a long time,
Attributed my arise to you,
Like lightning you struck me, ignite,
After awhile the fascination faded,
Too soon we’re growing apart,
Wanted to fuse myself to you,
But your attention’s misdirected,
It used to be me,
You couldn’t get enough,
I go quiet,
Ignoring you, ignoring me,
A Speedy recovery from an addiction to my kiss,
How alone I am with you here,
Once you catch me, let me drop
Missed a step,
Reaching to lead me where we’re not ready,
Is it all you wanted?
Your honest eyes plead with me,
But your lips don’t agree.
Where is this extra attention you claim to have saved for me.

your persuasive touch,
instructing me,
the fever in our flesh,
a rise and fall,
the sense of losing it all,
a shake, a shiver,
a fresh fate delivered,
breath, soft as snow,
desirous fires ignited,
a whispered hint of the unknown,
stripped of my inhibitions.

Seeing you, when I first met you,
Something inside your eyes drawing me in,
Imagining what we could be,
You’ve evolved and parted with your ways,
You and I alike,
My mind plagued with thoughts that you wrestled,
These things I’ve thought, slipped when spoken,
I’ve been appending.
Dizzy with temptation,
ignoring the signs that
you and I might be meant to be,
we’re the only ones still standing.
I am coming home to you
The pleasure of knowing your face.

I’m sorry I’m like this,
You should know,
What you dug your hands into,
my world works in rewind,
meet you, lose you, love you,
believe me, don’t flee from me,
you had a long time ago,
lets return the past,
exchange it for new,
I promise to,
Wouldn’t you choose to?
Never thought you’d shut the window,
Maybe she’s got something to be worried about,
A crooked smile, my crooked style
I will love you even after life.

How many people have hated life?
Had no one?
I’m trying my best to be happy,
I’m faking it,
Keep breaking it,
My lonely soul,
I lost my heart to battle,
Thought I had a complacent ending,
The outlook’s bleak,
There’s no vitality,
Every mission’s failing,
Empathy befriended me,
On my own,
I get tired,
I’m getting smaller,
Where will I be?
Envy lives that I can’t live,
Stars are fading in my sky,
Almost hopeless,
Send me a reason to stay,
In this place I’m down,
Sick of struggling,
There will always be someone better.
I can’t find myself.
Mess me up a little more
Just don’t leave me hanging on for nothing.

They’re all the same story
Misadventures, mistakes,
Thieves steal hearts too,
Good luck escaping easy,
Warm nights, incandescent moments,
Never forgotten, bringing despair,
A scar can run deep on the inside,
Bleed every time you appear,
A kiss can hold such power,
Render memories as sharp as knives,
Reminiscing igniting the lost emotions,
A reminder of how alive we are,
Goodbyes we never meant,
I get so angry, it makes me sick,
But I keep it silent,
Don’t want you to know how you get to me,
I swear I’m over you,
Praying for a distracting attraction,
Somebody to save me,
From forever your fool.

I was happy,
I knew who I was,
Until you changed me,
All it took was one kiss, one lived out memory,
Every dream I had about your return,
Breathed in me,
All the emotion I thought lay dead,
Rose and possessed me,
I can’t get back to who I used to be,
My carefully planned life,
I need an answer,
An explanation, scream your reasons,
Demand what you require from me,
I can’t bear this silent treatment you’re giving me,
My pointless pining is destroying me,
Let me loose,
Cut this noose you’ve wrapped around my neck,
3 years waiting to escape,
once released, can’t be contained.

Left here,
Laying with our wasteful actions,
I should just be happy
To have your taste one last time,
But it’s never enough,
I’m hooked and I can’t stop hurting,
Angry whys,
you pretend that I don’t exist
After making it obvious you cared,
I wish you well,
Maybe one day you’ll come back,
Feeling alone,
Fearing I’ll never find someone I love as much as you,
I didn’t know passion until I looked into your eyes,
That night.

I’ve spent this time
Coming to terms
With this nothingness
I wasn’t expecting,
Harboring disappointment
After reaching out to you,
Without thinking the words came fumbling,
But I’m glad you heard,
I don’t blame you,
For not wanting me,
It’s not easy but I’m okay,
You’ve made promises to yourself,
I won’t let this weigh me down.

I lost it all once,
When you became a possibility
The heavens screamed,
Instantly my spirit soared,
I found myself swallowed by desire,
You infected me,
If you leave I will carry on,
Burying the tension inside of me,
It’s all in your hands,
You’re choosing to ignore,
I’ve been denying this sinking feeling,
But I was right,
We weren’t meant to last,
Just gave in to curiosity,
Now it’s conflicting everything,
It was nice to pretend it could be,
Life is unkind.

When everything you’ve wanted
Purges through the surface
Once committed, can’t take back,
Wouldn’t want to for the world,
But when the moment ends,
Hope floats high,
If the past is just passing through,
Don’t let me believe it means anything,
I’m always going to be not quite close enough,
Vengeance is yours,
i should learn to live without ever knowing,
what a second chance could bring,
I must be the fool,
how could I have not convinced you,
an earful of longing,
succession of emotion,
dissented from your resistance,
didn’t it impact you like it did me?
Couldn’t you play it up and mean it?
Guess I was just a fix to aid your loneliness,
I won’t be satisfied until I have you
Is it harder with our history?
i only want you to give in.
so inspired and ignited,
one taste and you’re an addiction,
I don’t want to quit.
One night, goodbye
I’m just that kind of girl,
You thought it’s all I’m good for,
You’re so severe,
Maybe your scars are more permanent than forgettable,
I was easy prey.

Out of my hands,
This urgency to make my mark,
Ink in your flesh,
Don’t forget me so soon,
Haven’t had the chance to blow your mind,
Everything you said was beautiful,
But was it just a ploy?
This is a test,
you’re keeping me waiting,
wretched suspense,
hope is floating into the open sea,
you must’ve been a passing reminder,
luck can change in an instant,
return to me my muse.

Headed on a different track,
Down a new path,
Old acquaintances surfaced,
Expanding my tastes,
Curiosity wrestling my mind,
Wishing opportunities would long ago arisen,
With this space I created, there’s room for emptiness,
Feeling different, but partial to a stranger,
How can I decide when there’s no options given,
I must take my time,
Let it wash into me when it’s ready,
Anxious for something,
watching the day pass by,
there’s no train I’m not on,
please life bring me love,
invest in me,
even temporary,
a burst of vitality,
a hint at my destiny.

I've neglected my writing! But I'm back with lots of stuff!

it’s slowly exiting,
this feeling losing,
the more time you give,
the more time I crave,
my mind wandering with opportunity,
you’re loosening your grip,
I’m gaining lead,
The further you fall behind,
Afraid of being all alone,
While you’re the centre of attention
I’m counting what’s missing,
On both hands.

Figures it takes a whole lotta shitty luck to make me start writing again....
~*~
My heart just exploded,
Sadness attack,
You just abandoned me again,
Prolong my destruction,
You know it well,
How it wears my happiness into shreds,
I won’t remember our good,
When I’m past recovery,
Will you deal with this?
I am matches,
Once I start I can never stop,
Addiction junkie,
Aching to escape,
From all that ails me,
Try to heal me with a soft I love you,
But it’s just a band aid,
Temporary fix, you asphyxiate me,
My obsession to suit your idea of perfection,
But my best is never good enough,
Running myself into the ground to become your everything,
Why is that my objective?
I’ve been so hollow for so long,
Why the sudden rush of substance now?
Always locking away the feeling,
Never could bear to taste the sting,

Sorry it's taken so long, been caught up with skool and the boy.. too many things going on!!

We’ve been running smoothly
With some starts and stops
My head hasn’t been hectic lately,
Like a clear day, I have no thoughts but you,
When I’m seething you soothe me,
There’s no love like I’ve found in you,
It’s unexplainable,
Thought I was untamable,
But I conformed to suit you in any way you please,
Unbound, ready for release,
Stunning like the stars,
You’re catching me,
I willingly,
Forget my identity,
Stake my claim under your frame,
Live like I could die,
Swallow my apathy,
How clever a disguise, to hide what’s inside,
But I let it bleed for you to see,
Those stolen moments where I recall,
The first striking revelation,
the need for you in me.

All thoughts lost,
When looking in your eyes,
Blood runs heavy in my cheeks,
When I’m under your arms,
I’m in the safest place,
Finally finding home,
With you,
Discovering a deeper trust,
I never believed,
Wanting you always near,
Never been like this,
always needed only myself,
but I weakened for you.

I have to know everything,
Can’t keep me in suspense, it kills me,
So far, so long the hours seem,
I’m trying to keep myself preoccupied,
Impatience gets the better of me,
This imminent calling,
Cannot wait to have you here,
This bitter need to take you in,
If repetition replaced,
I couldn’t stay,
It’s fetching, daunting, desiring, alluring, inescapable, rushing, folding, falling,
Frequency embedded,
Must have it all, or grant me nothing,
Can’t stand to want you the way I do,
So addicting, refreshing, repulsing,
The essence of my vitality,
Lighting my spirit,
Setting me ignited,
Peel myself away,
from you so,
magnetic, unguarded, unbound,
poisoning my thoughts, my mind,
with your temptuous disposition.