Why has it taken so long,
To feel like you were ever there,
I’m just as frightened as I’ve always been,
I don’t know who you are,
must have been my mistake,
never had the nerve to speak,
to tell you that I feared you most,
Never felt like I could ask you anything,
I used to blame you for my struggling,
There’s so much confusion,
All I am is another expense,
An occasional obligation,
Unaware of my substance,
any abilities I bear,
The leak in my composure,
The damage you’ve built within me,
Moments like this when I break,
You’re a stranger,
a thief to my affection,
When I’m so far it’s easy to forget,
“I love you” voided,
your distaste for the word,
only your face is familiar,
you’re an empty vessel,
I take with me only angry words to remember,
I am the bind to a life you left behind,
You taught me how to accuse,
How to run from everything that matters,
To disguise this embittered hole.

And I should watch my mouth,
Wash it of all the things I say,
Without being careful, I am hurtful,
I don’t mean to cause your tears,
You have a way of making me feel so guilty,
Countless efforts I endure to for you to avoid,
But you disregard all I lay before you,
The first to put my defensives up,
The last to let them down,
I have nothing to hide,
But in you I cannot confide,
Wounds even I could never understand,
Have gracefully grown with me,
But still this happiness inside me I carry,
In my darkest moments you pry into my mind,
Hoping to withdraw this irate poison,
But behind it I am frail,
Pulling myself in all directions,
Offering solace, all I can give,
Its my corrosion,
You never retire from your efforts to salvage,
Despite their unremitting failure,
Set your exertions to rest,
You can’t destroy my demons.

This place I hate
How I can’t do anything
Even in my own space,
Trying to mold me into another you,
I’m not like you, I’ll never conform,
Close my eyes and in the darkness
I can flee from your interrogation,
Think without hearing your opinion,
I never asked to hear it,
So leave me alone,
Every minute there’s silence, you’re invading,
All the words I say slip through your mind,
Lost somewhere, why can’t you listen?
Living isn’t easy when you’re always on my back,
What gave you reason not to trust,
Or the notion that I can’t think for myself,
Are my decisions to your revulsion?
this life does not belong to you,
you can’t live again through me,
there’s no sense in telling me,
my goals, my dreams, who I should be,
it’s a fictitious understanding,
I won’t measure up to your expectations,
I won’t even bother to try.