What I say is not what I mean,
Surprise,
I’m just as deceptive as you,
Only with a less devilish smile,

Even if I’m too weak to say no,
When you leave my heart hasn’t broken,
Maybe I’m getting used to this pattern,

Every meeting is brand new,
And just as fleeting,
Silence plays a bigger role,
Once time has dwindled,
It feels like September,

I waited to discover brilliance undressed,
instead found you empty underneath.

Alas we reached this point I’ve anticipated,
And while I prepared myself for the gloomy descent,
There is still a bitter sting,
but I won’t cry,
An outside perception clouds my head, I delude myself,
What a harsh reality I awake to find,
No matter what you feel one moment,
It never transfers onto the next,
I wouldn’t take back what’s progressed,
I wish I could bind my hands to keep them from finding you,
All your limits and boundaries are invisible wires I trip upon,
I just want this to be over,
To feel I’ve had my fix of you,
More than enough and never want it again,
I’ve got this image in my mind that I can’t shake,
A merciless body,
Laying beside me at night,
It’s no comfort to me now,
Only a reminder that I can’t quit,
I’ll write your life the way I watched you live it,
Repressed, masking sensitivities with conceit,
It made me sick in need,
What’s wrong with me to fall for such lamented charm.
And yearn for it as soon as the memory of malice fades.

flashes of forbidden moments,
the ones we longed for,
a night that seemed too short,
but worth waiting for,
wished for again,
I know who you are now,
With a twisted vision of you in your head,
You can’t see the good,
The lines my fingers love to trace,
Loathing yourself doesn’t leave room for anyone else,
what we both don’t want, you won’t let me forget,
when I try to break the boundary,
is this a service? a way to spare me?

You can retreat all you want,
Shield yourself from me,
I could be armed and loaded,
Taking aim.
What do you fear the most?
The run of my emotions or asking of your own?
There will be no exchange of reprimandments,
I know better than to unleash these racing feelings,
As uncertain as I am, your ego convinced of my unwavering affections.
Lies that I allow you to believe.

Are you proud to say you’ve guided my transgression?
I can’t feel a thing.
I don’t even ache knowing I’ll never see your face,
Maybe that’s your purpose,
Will this anesthetic last?
I’m using you to destroy myself.