The man with the crooked mouth,
Mesmerized by it’s movement,
And his clear eyes,
Shifting calmly but with artful suspicion,
Sustains mystery, shy away from the probing eye,
Something so unique and incendiary,
Impossible to withdraw from watching,
Often a figure in my dreams,
He imbues me,
Permeated by his emanated longing.

Coiled around your shadow,
I cannot reach inside you,
You refuse to give me a glimpse of what you hide,
Slow and deliberate,
I am circling you,
Imagining you with me,
And the bliss we’d rouse,
It’s a sickening thought,
To become those we deride,
You bonafide acerbity
Sometimes I see your affection,
appear and fade before you notice that I’ve caught on,
a faint light, but still burning behind two windows,
evolving, not fast enough to include me,
being your placate playmate,
leaves this abyss you forget to inject with your empathy,
my importunate pleas aggravate your response to me.
The part that hurts the worst is why you cut me off so suddenly,
I swear I want you as you are.

Every minute you are remembered,
I see your name and know you’re breathing,
My eyes are fighting tears,
My heart races faster,
You’ve become this chimera,
A constant thought impossible to abandon,
I wrote my love for you,
I’m still waiting,
Even just the acknowledgement of words swallowed,
Will lay my mind to rest,
Somehow I’ve been running without blood in my veins,
You took it all away,
I hate the numbness I’ve befriended
after years of missing you,
you were my extension, the part that encapsulated vivacity,
I simply decay at the slightest association,
I can’t keep myself intact.
I wish it were your arms collecting the fragments that once reified me.

You had me when I ran with fire in my eyes,
The wind could never slow me,
Too wild to be tamed,
Too ignorant to be aware of the world,
There must be better out there,
I never second guessed my choices,
Reality was much harsher than expected,
I never lost anything of value,
Not until I realized what I found in you,
Couldn’t handle complacency,
Never felt I deserved the euphoria I held,
Instead of loving you like I should have,
I turned you away.
Mourning the death of our affinity,
Nothing rests comfortably,
With this part of me absent.

This will pass,
i’m concealing apologies,
that want to find you,
but it’s your sorries I’m not expecting,
you know how hard it’s been,
for me to sit and wonder,
since you’re withholding validation,
what’s the point in hanging hope on a baitless hook,
in an empty sea,
watching my words incase I trespass your safe grounds,
taboo topics I transgress upon,
and you take them like a witness to a murder,
no one plays the arcane contrivance better than you.
I’ve tried but you’ve uncovered every entry.

Don’t make me a damsel,
Slippery imputations slithering between painted lips,
Stop rendering me helpless,
No more deliberate misconceptions,
Just to draw attention to the worst in me,
Your restrictions are exhausting,
I shouldn’t have to defend myself against your fiction,
You’ve never been on my side.