Let's make this mess.
I will become a casualty.
A heart to break,
already tread upon.
Incinerate the excitement,
buried by the benal.
I utter with urgency,
swathe me in sinuosity.
Nevermind what's been belied.
Falling for the fallactious.
Aware of what I'm in.

I’ll remain stateless,
Sated with desire,
Felt the electricity igniting between,
You facing me, couldn’t remove the gaze,
Enflamed in the intensity,
Surmounting compulsion to connect,
Your unexpected touch,
Tugging at my clothes, at my heart,
Finding the route into the rabbit hole,
Swallowed with enthusiasm,
You lit a fire that I thought I could control,
Now I’m aching in the places that you gripped.

With no promise of a future,
I tried to take it in my hands,
But I am not strong enough to resist,
I keep tripping on the way down.

I can’t understand the analysis,
the logistics of how it unfolded.
I return to the moment your lips met mine,
and the silence that followed.
Your tongue stole the words.

My inspiration took a vacation. Finally it has returned.

I walk,

while the wind blows my chest open.

I will freeze, if only to feel something,

be it pain, be it blood,

a reminder of any vivacity.

Floating adrift, irrevocably deep,

no call can beckon me.

Suspended in space,

my insides evacuated.

Let my body be barraged by rocks below.

Engraved by apostasy,

Allowing allusory ascention.

..................................................................................................

An autre.

Mountains of morose,

my sorrows can't find a home.

Traveling on my sleeve,

bared by unraveling cloth.

Naked with nowhere to go.

Prevailed permanency.

..................................................................................................

I feel the limits of my strength,

walls I relentlessly tear,

wounded by their constrictive fabric.

Making myself an enemy,

mistaking deception for sincerity.

In naivety,

I proceed as I please.

Eyes above, there is no ceiling.

Braced for the dark descent.

..................................................................................................

An olderish one that is also craptacular...

He sings in a way that soothes me,
mesmerized by the slide of his fingers,
he watches the music as it fills him,
like colours only he can see,
my bones are bared when he fixes his eyes upon me.

Words laced with logic,
a round routine I let you lead,
to sustain what I wish to maintain,
these nights so few and far between.

You publicly profess with uninhibited lips,
but suffuse much separation.

A few bits and pieces I've been working on... which are quite terrible really!

threaten to depart,
we can't afford the dwindling time,
lives spent idling,
I seek perpetual motion,
a need to ascend,
a set of standards,
if you cannot abide, fall by the wayside,
once you kill it, there is no resuscitation,
I won't spring alive,
better bury me deeply.

you've become a sucking hole,
better spent invested elsewhere,
I don't relish these games,
silent and neglectful,
hate to be ignored,
my patience worn,
feeling like a fishing line,
cast away and repetitiously reeled,
it's a cycle that leaves my body sore,
I shall serve you some.
How did this dissention come?
abhorrent irreverence.

A wretched weakness,
I must employ an army to defend,
detonate this vulnerability you've placed upon me,
an incurable curse,
a regrettable reliability,
pestilent predicament you've put me in,
forced into a corner whilst you cowardly escape.

Not so finished...


Weary and worn,
A thin existence,
I tried to revive the days you seemed alive,
But your chest has been vacant since I was a child,
I couldn’t change your despondency.
Cool and uncaring,
You fail to surprise,
With your acrimonious lines,
A speech thick with denigration,
Is this the man that’s meant to shape me?
What could I learn, instruction in revile?
Ensphered by insular certitude…

We sat in the sunlight,
I leaned into you, your gaze drifted away,
Feeling fabricated,
your invested interest,
Oversaturated and heavy,
You placated me until I was willing,

I wish I believed,
A languish pursuit,
Ill at ease,
There will be no resolve in your absence,
Only a longing to move on,

You professed you have oceanic emotions,
Overcome by the rushing sensations,
Perspective comes at a cost.

My tepid attempts at affection,
I respond in haphazard hesitancy,
Still you took me,
You came on strong,
I became transfixed.
Surfeit swelling, weakened by the need,
Shedding patience, shedding armour.

2.
Such a small inkling feeling,
A change in pace,
Enough to subsist upon,
I sense you watching me,
Cloaked in shadows,
You will fall into the sequence,
Of lives imagined and forgotten,
You will let me down,
A sickeningly sweet sound,
So elegantly off pitch,
A cortege in corridors,
I engage in perilous visions,
Malaise in moribund,
Wearing my austerity,
Surmounting part of me.

1.
At the pace we move,
Incoherent, inefficacious,
A state cirrose,
We both can’t be bothered,
Occasional endeavor,
as solicitous solitude assails,
silently assent, indocile

Subservient to your needs,
Trodden by the emission of your heat,
Meet me in Marseille,
Where aberrant, I will writhe,
Elicit sedition, elide the crowd,
Resolute in my captious charge.

My body is diseased,
Vines are strangling me,
I can feel my veins stretch,
On the verge of bursting,
When I need it most,
Sleep evades me.

Wretched twisting in my gut,
Knots rewinding,
Forgotten breath,
Where have you been hiding?

Skin is tight and raw,
Hollowing out sockets,
Bruised and black,
A thin existence,
As the sun is rising,

I’ve got the pushing, pushing on my brain,
Before we’re even acquainted,
I’ve undressed you.
The liberated marauder feeds.

I think I may have skipped a few penned in the recent past. I'm sensing a reason for their omission...

6.
The love of language,
your vetted letters.
Involuntary emission of inexorable exhortation,
react in reservation.
My deviation from formality makes you rescind so,
I hunt for means to lengthen our liaise.
The desire to beckon your attention, sedulously extant
A surreptitious seduction, I am scheming.
Impenetrable, your deflective surface

I will pursue you with vehement veneration,
intent to unhinge.
Disarmed by gentle charm.


5.
It takes a plunge,
sinking beneath the ocean floor.
Cosseted by the entrenching earth,
the heaviness in my chest,
will unremittingly lead me to effusion,
scripted effluency.
Backwards, accelerated attrition,
you’ll regard me an effigy,
inference offered placidly,
an advantage to pick at the prey.
A palpable paucity of cordial contention.
Cage my feelings, in fear of release.

I wait for your words,
knowing the absence of leisure,
your deluging diary.
So I sent with you, a reminding melody,
the only connection held between.
I miss the reticence,
a delay in the momentum of formative exchange.
The faster I create, the sooner it will resume.
I can only impetrate, a thread of thought will alight a compulsion to connect.


4.
Starting from the bottom,
never an easy task.
While I watch the others ascend with no difficulty,
they’ve been born with gifts,
I’ve always fought to acquire.
Allowing self sympathy to consume me,
soaked with contemptuous lament.
Will I deride inside until the erosion kills me?
Fettered by foreboding forlorn.


3.
I can’t make you the villain,
I want you to play.
Expecting you to read my illegible clues,
which no one can do.
Who could comprehend my subtle implications?
On a whim, act to suit my mood,
while I swing, swing, violently,
to a darker hue.
You haven’t met this side of me yet,
but it has been dawning.
Can you deal with the difficulty?
No truer test.
Will my attention digress,
before you quit?


2.
Finally getting to where I never thought I’d be,
didn’t expect it to pan out.
All I want is to be close,
attached by our lips,
wondering where life is leading us too,
taking pleasure in the ride.
The delight seems off kilter,
the high I get from you,
oddly impassioned,
anomalous insistency,
fighting to detach,
there’s a strain,
a struggle to detain my heart
from leaping into your hands,
it might be too late,
already escaped,
and found lodging in your limbs.


1.
Let this be another lesson learned.
Why wait for an unwilling party,
While flooded by winning opposition.
The temptation has recoiled,
I’m no longer your marionette.
Ready to wander in friendly forests,
with arms so eager,
being where they wish.
While you reluct, I am not waiting.
I thought our futures would fuse,
But I waive those expectations.

I resign my rear view mirror,
I’ve spent too much time in reverse.

I can’t ice this fever,
Enough to placate,
This raging fire,
My mind + hearts desire,
A presence permanently etched,
Returning to me unexpectedly,
Nightly,
With a force that fills me,
Between breaths that are hard to catch,
In the still and silent I seek you,
Pleading to feed this appetite,
Scavenging for scenarios to speculate,
Our next encounter,
I initiate and yearn to further,
Could my creativity be leading me to peaks I never intend to climb?
Just delight in its cavernous ecstasy
Encouraged by the images fabricated,
Ignoring the inanity, my inamorato.

I love inspirational music. At last a song that propelled me into writing.




Curse this romantic imagination,
it’s infectious conciliation,
The counterpart of what we can be convinced,
The reality of it is heartbreak,
How we can both be moved by something,
And feel so connected,
While we’re both so far away,
Live such separate lives,
wishing to intertwine,
All that’s yours and mine,
I’ll believe your mind is inquiring,
When it’s still fastened to the seams.
Your general disinterest in analysis,
Questions you will never ask,
another bend, I become lost behind,
what comes next.
Finally a frequency that suits me.
But I’m almost inaudible.

I seek to receive what I can never retrieve.
There must be a cure.
Ultimately what I abhor, I adore.
I must be a masochist, locking myself in your chains.
Nearing the verge of fracture,
I can no longer withstand pretending nor your pretension.
I have been your consistency when you needed me.
My patience has expired, wishing for love to retire.
Poured into a bottomless cache.
A release, some relief, if I must let go.
Too burdensome for my soul to bear at length.
Comfort in leaving the truth in your ear.
Now your response, allow me to predict.

When logic begins to listen to the heart,
What it wants, what it will never have,
Cannot leave the past to rot,
The cycle should have turned to soil by now,
Nothing grows, no richness sown,
Infected by the traces that blight the new.
Irruptive, I’m indignant.
Hell hath no fury like a woman ridden with malady.
Bore by your compression,
bet you wish you could reverse.
Wasn’t such a wise exercise.

More random bits

It’s cruel to guard the truth
All the measures we take to delude ourselves,
Clung to undue hope,
Would be better spent letting go…
But you never know
Won’t let this impediment take control.


This robot heart is revived,
Knots tied and winding tighter,
Answers unknown are grating my skin,
Hung up my sanity,
I didn’t want to be,
Pushing pushing pushing,
If I could infact retract,
I’ve been attempting to recoil,
Impede the incoming,
To reclaim my barren state,
Deflect your desiccated dialogue.

I have finally forced time to rekindle my habitual writing.

Didn’t see a struggle,
When it came to fighting feelings for you,
suppression isn’t easy as planned,
designed to be deliberate,
transient
now an unconventional compulsion,
I find myself acting,
Before thinking,
Admission refusal,
Convincing myself confused,
A dissoluting dissuasion,
I can’t lose you even if wish to,
When I’m waning, I want you more

As clumsy as we are,
a lesson in primacy,
shedding trivial principles
and sovereign intuitive instincts.

I have managed to sneak some poetry into my current design project. Seems the only way I could find the time to write these days.

1.
I will defy
set restrictions
in place by someone else
standards I refute
forego forbearance
contrived for contrition
so long i’ve been desisted by decorous decree
free to follow through uninhibited
activate the unabashed

2.
A day to negate
which i belied at night
a furtive fervour
too much trouble to trace
tepid and taciturn
steps to stave the morose maudlin

3.
Just a quick confusion
before notes start to blur
longing to be left
clinging to the crimson
light in a familiar valley
a chimera in bloom
emotive and alive
married to the paper
crinkled under heavy pens
has sworn its secrecy
most diligently
didactic dictionary staring back at me
the words come with fluidity