flashes of forbidden moments,
the ones we longed for,
a night that seemed too short,
but worth waiting for,
wished for again,
I know who you are now,
With a twisted vision of you in your head,
You can’t see the good,
The lines my fingers love to trace,
Loathing yourself doesn’t leave room for anyone else,
what we both don’t want, you won’t let me forget,
when I try to break the boundary,
is this a service? a way to spare me?

You can retreat all you want,
Shield yourself from me,
I could be armed and loaded,
Taking aim.
What do you fear the most?
The run of my emotions or asking of your own?
There will be no exchange of reprimandments,
I know better than to unleash these racing feelings,
As uncertain as I am, your ego convinced of my unwavering affections.
Lies that I allow you to believe.

Are you proud to say you’ve guided my transgression?
I can’t feel a thing.
I don’t even ache knowing I’ll never see your face,
Maybe that’s your purpose,
Will this anesthetic last?
I’m using you to destroy myself.