My body is diseased,
Vines are strangling me,
I can feel my veins stretch,
On the verge of bursting,
When I need it most,
Sleep evades me.

Wretched twisting in my gut,
Knots rewinding,
Forgotten breath,
Where have you been hiding?

Skin is tight and raw,
Hollowing out sockets,
Bruised and black,
A thin existence,
As the sun is rising,

I’ve got the pushing, pushing on my brain,
Before we’re even acquainted,
I’ve undressed you.
The liberated marauder feeds.

I think I may have skipped a few penned in the recent past. I'm sensing a reason for their omission...

6.
The love of language,
your vetted letters.
Involuntary emission of inexorable exhortation,
react in reservation.
My deviation from formality makes you rescind so,
I hunt for means to lengthen our liaise.
The desire to beckon your attention, sedulously extant
A surreptitious seduction, I am scheming.
Impenetrable, your deflective surface

I will pursue you with vehement veneration,
intent to unhinge.
Disarmed by gentle charm.


5.
It takes a plunge,
sinking beneath the ocean floor.
Cosseted by the entrenching earth,
the heaviness in my chest,
will unremittingly lead me to effusion,
scripted effluency.
Backwards, accelerated attrition,
you’ll regard me an effigy,
inference offered placidly,
an advantage to pick at the prey.
A palpable paucity of cordial contention.
Cage my feelings, in fear of release.

I wait for your words,
knowing the absence of leisure,
your deluging diary.
So I sent with you, a reminding melody,
the only connection held between.
I miss the reticence,
a delay in the momentum of formative exchange.
The faster I create, the sooner it will resume.
I can only impetrate, a thread of thought will alight a compulsion to connect.


4.
Starting from the bottom,
never an easy task.
While I watch the others ascend with no difficulty,
they’ve been born with gifts,
I’ve always fought to acquire.
Allowing self sympathy to consume me,
soaked with contemptuous lament.
Will I deride inside until the erosion kills me?
Fettered by foreboding forlorn.


3.
I can’t make you the villain,
I want you to play.
Expecting you to read my illegible clues,
which no one can do.
Who could comprehend my subtle implications?
On a whim, act to suit my mood,
while I swing, swing, violently,
to a darker hue.
You haven’t met this side of me yet,
but it has been dawning.
Can you deal with the difficulty?
No truer test.
Will my attention digress,
before you quit?


2.
Finally getting to where I never thought I’d be,
didn’t expect it to pan out.
All I want is to be close,
attached by our lips,
wondering where life is leading us too,
taking pleasure in the ride.
The delight seems off kilter,
the high I get from you,
oddly impassioned,
anomalous insistency,
fighting to detach,
there’s a strain,
a struggle to detain my heart
from leaping into your hands,
it might be too late,
already escaped,
and found lodging in your limbs.


1.
Let this be another lesson learned.
Why wait for an unwilling party,
While flooded by winning opposition.
The temptation has recoiled,
I’m no longer your marionette.
Ready to wander in friendly forests,
with arms so eager,
being where they wish.
While you reluct, I am not waiting.
I thought our futures would fuse,
But I waive those expectations.

I resign my rear view mirror,
I’ve spent too much time in reverse.

I can’t ice this fever,
Enough to placate,
This raging fire,
My mind + hearts desire,
A presence permanently etched,
Returning to me unexpectedly,
Nightly,
With a force that fills me,
Between breaths that are hard to catch,
In the still and silent I seek you,
Pleading to feed this appetite,
Scavenging for scenarios to speculate,
Our next encounter,
I initiate and yearn to further,
Could my creativity be leading me to peaks I never intend to climb?
Just delight in its cavernous ecstasy
Encouraged by the images fabricated,
Ignoring the inanity, my inamorato.

I love inspirational music. At last a song that propelled me into writing.




Curse this romantic imagination,
it’s infectious conciliation,
The counterpart of what we can be convinced,
The reality of it is heartbreak,
How we can both be moved by something,
And feel so connected,
While we’re both so far away,
Live such separate lives,
wishing to intertwine,
All that’s yours and mine,
I’ll believe your mind is inquiring,
When it’s still fastened to the seams.
Your general disinterest in analysis,
Questions you will never ask,
another bend, I become lost behind,
what comes next.
Finally a frequency that suits me.
But I’m almost inaudible.

I seek to receive what I can never retrieve.
There must be a cure.
Ultimately what I abhor, I adore.
I must be a masochist, locking myself in your chains.
Nearing the verge of fracture,
I can no longer withstand pretending nor your pretension.
I have been your consistency when you needed me.
My patience has expired, wishing for love to retire.
Poured into a bottomless cache.
A release, some relief, if I must let go.
Too burdensome for my soul to bear at length.
Comfort in leaving the truth in your ear.
Now your response, allow me to predict.

When logic begins to listen to the heart,
What it wants, what it will never have,
Cannot leave the past to rot,
The cycle should have turned to soil by now,
Nothing grows, no richness sown,
Infected by the traces that blight the new.
Irruptive, I’m indignant.
Hell hath no fury like a woman ridden with malady.
Bore by your compression,
bet you wish you could reverse.
Wasn’t such a wise exercise.

More random bits

It’s cruel to guard the truth
All the measures we take to delude ourselves,
Clung to undue hope,
Would be better spent letting go…
But you never know
Won’t let this impediment take control.


This robot heart is revived,
Knots tied and winding tighter,
Answers unknown are grating my skin,
Hung up my sanity,
I didn’t want to be,
Pushing pushing pushing,
If I could infact retract,
I’ve been attempting to recoil,
Impede the incoming,
To reclaim my barren state,
Deflect your desiccated dialogue.

I have finally forced time to rekindle my habitual writing.

Didn’t see a struggle,
When it came to fighting feelings for you,
suppression isn’t easy as planned,
designed to be deliberate,
transient
now an unconventional compulsion,
I find myself acting,
Before thinking,
Admission refusal,
Convincing myself confused,
A dissoluting dissuasion,
I can’t lose you even if wish to,
When I’m waning, I want you more

As clumsy as we are,
a lesson in primacy,
shedding trivial principles
and sovereign intuitive instincts.

I have managed to sneak some poetry into my current design project. Seems the only way I could find the time to write these days.

1.
I will defy
set restrictions
in place by someone else
standards I refute
forego forbearance
contrived for contrition
so long i’ve been desisted by decorous decree
free to follow through uninhibited
activate the unabashed

2.
A day to negate
which i belied at night
a furtive fervour
too much trouble to trace
tepid and taciturn
steps to stave the morose maudlin

3.
Just a quick confusion
before notes start to blur
longing to be left
clinging to the crimson
light in a familiar valley
a chimera in bloom
emotive and alive
married to the paper
crinkled under heavy pens
has sworn its secrecy
most diligently
didactic dictionary staring back at me
the words come with fluidity

I’ve got a lot of pain,
That I work hard to disguise,
Behind each smile,
There lies a suppressed strain

I can feel it coming on,
With a shiver down my spine,

So many wonder why,
But I can’t explain,
Like some fucked up phenomenal eclipse,
With the moon rising, the gnawing starts
I am powerless to its resolute army
Despite defeat, it ceases to deter me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I can be as still as a statue,
frozen as a deer caught in headlights,
it's no surprise,
the product of my mechanical insides,
enacted as a camouflage,
the fear of being noticed,
but never wanting to fade.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You shouldn’t worry I have been unfastened for eons,
But I will forever be able to cradle the one I used to love,
And still watch you leave in the morning,
You might not understand,
But I can live like this,
go years with an absent kiss,
I wouldn’t prefer it that way,
If there’s another choice, I am unaware.

I wouldn’t know what to do with a man like you,
How would I cope?
I’m not used to being copasetic
Cohesive
Molded into what being alone has made me,
Irresolute.
Holding out for something supreme,
I quit taking in the rogues,
A sharp halt to rationing provisions,
Stay open, stay hoping,
Optimism has long abandoned,
But I’ve settled into a blissful unconsciousness
I know nothing but self-reliance.
Everything italics
I kill the idea before it swells,
and wait for someone to hunt me.

We were just kids,
You were a slum I visited out of pity,
during a mission to alleviate my conscience,
Your actions nothing less than contemptible
No matter how much you profess to have reformed,
You are just as misguided as you ever were.
It’s a relief that you’ve discovered you’re inadequate,
Because I’m not strong enough to turn away a beggar in need.

Would it make a difference,
If I bullshit,
What sequence in the universe would shift?
How would you ever know?
Humanity has lost me,
Who would want to be a part?
A society of surface design,
Nothing beyond esthetic,
It’s fucking pathetic,
We’re all too lazy to make a change,
too disinterested to say anything,
attention consumed by our romance with technology,
in love with robots and onscreen personalities
pedophiles and online predators,
could be charming in conversation,
choosing sterile over tactile,
without delay,
I prefer the touch of human flesh,
A prolonged climax,
A physical caress
Nothing is more magnetic,
Chemistry can’t be cumulated via automation.
artificial simulation cannot emulate legit stimulation.

3 Separate tangents, but presented in one go for a quick catch-up!

All this time, I’ve managed to compartmentalize

Keep you out of mind,

Still I hold a shred of hope,

That maybe in the future,

I will be your bric a brac
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

How untamed you’ve become,

It’s laden in your ancestry, A life I long to live,

You construct the profundity I seek,

An exemplary example,

With passion you preach your practice,

Adventure on your tongue,

It’s written in our history,

A connection not undone,

Compulsion to coincide with nature’s implicit delicacy,

We fight for the same team,

Years before we nought knew the venues we’d explore,

Would align our paths.

It’s impossible to ignore your ubiquitous masculinity.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Let me take one moment to address this,

Your impetuous impediment,

Winding yourself in a wheel,

Derailed and headed for destruction,

Too eager to please,

Too egoistic to lift a finger,

Fuck the endeavor to salvage,

May the feeble fall,

If they shatter, you won’t answer the call.

Every woman for herself.

A trite tactic,

Contrived from discordance

A status change, the real reason has a name,

and she’s true to your tastes.

I'm so fucking tired of this,
letting my heart take precedence,
it only curls up next to trouble,
sleeping with an enemy that I know will crush me,
the lengths I bend and extend to please another,
simply sentence me to suffer,
is it a choice?
is the will my own?

A family full of fakes,
if the truth is too painful,
they can't face it.

I like you because you never shield what is real,
I'd rather the injury than the indemnity,
the ones I love are liars,
how am I expected to just accept it?

This spoon you've thrust down my throat,
I've tried to spit out, but you keep forcing your inculcated fiction.

Please bring me amnesty, spare me a life of expurgation,
a profession of pacification.
I won't visit you on the isle of denial.

And I curl up, close my eyes and imagine a cocoon,
crawling up around me,
like a second skin that I can escape in,
turn on the sound, slow and considerate,
my mind racing forward,
scenes, substance of only dreams,
withering under the realm of reality,
inconceivable, simply not feasible.

(A vessel with no words, a shell scratching pen, making hapless marks. Dry is the opulence, drank by avaricious others, til pockets aplenty. Left to remain inane, thought to have surmounted. Your surrogate muse, in proclivity, you address me + I adhere, wishing to remove the label, but it's sewn so deeply.)

This poem doesn't feel finished yet, although I've got nothing to add at the moment.

We can’t leave the past alone,
But still progress,
Have we any traces of who we used to be?
Untied all the knots to each other,
I can’t unfasten myself from you,
I’m tired of giving and not getting back
Impossible to ascertain how far your feelings extend,
Our faces grinning at one another,
Weightless inclination in my chest,
I reel and refrain, from what my body begs me to do,
instead I wait for you to move,
at this rate, we are travelling nowhere,
but safely where we can be upheld,
and composure comes easily.
My absent mind betrays me to amuse you,
As long as I make you laugh,
I’ll be the object of ridicule.

Always a little too honest,
Far too eager to share,
A desire to please you,
Overrides my obstinacy.