I just discovered this old poem in my closet today. I must've written it a long time ago. Here it is.

We've been running smoothly with some starts and stops,
my head hasn't been hectic lately,
like a clear day, I have no thoughts but you,
when i'm seething you soothe me,
there's no love like i've found in you,
it's unexplainable,
thought I was untamable,
but I conformed to suit you in any way you please,
unbound, ready for release,
stunning like the stars,
you're catching me,
I willingly, forget my identity,
stake my claim under your frame,
live like I could die,
swallow my apathy,
how clever a disguise to hide what's inside,
but I let it bleed for you to see,
those stolen moments where I recall,
the first striking revelation,
the need for you in me.

I just deleted at least eight months of writing.. if anyone has any pieces of my book please send them to me! :(

Love means letting go,
It’s because what I feel is so real,
I will sacrifice for your happy heart,
I hope you’re pleased,
With the strength that it took,
Remember me in your next life,
something pure and wonderful,
We had that thrived inside,
Even apart,
While you sleep,
I awake and write,
Passages of memories,
These silent scenes,
Inciting pain and passion,
Free to create any conclusion,
But none as tragic as the truth

Complacency is dulling,
I am numb,
Haven’t grabbed a hold of emotion,
This isn’t really living,
Just a state of observation,
While the world blurs by,
In the center, watching the rain coming down,
Around me,
Tasteless, my nerves never were enabled,
I’ve been waiting for a moment to meet me,
Standing in this place, static in the sand,
I should bid riddance to this invisible force,
That’s suppressing the essence of me,

Could you lend me your sanity,
To fix these jagged holes,
I’ve left them unkempt for too long.

This is not okay,
it’s impossible to unravel,
What’s keeping me glued to the ground,
I can’t move,
Something is pressing me down,
I feel air escaping,
Out of my lungs,
On strike from life,
a much needed hiatus,
please pick me up,
unfold this heap of me,
I can’t break out,

With these tears may a garden grow,
Lighten my load,
Line life with a pretty row,
And with an ambient sound,

Lost my luster,
Giving into your oppression,
Now I’m sick with regret,
A case unkind,
Too many wrongs you have to right,
I’ll make it work
Against your will,

I applaud your assault,
Look at how it flattened me,
Was that the idea?
I started off so strong,
You should have realized,
I am made of diffidence,
Bared by your reticence,

This solemn strain that I have gained,
Loosens knots that I fought to keep tied.

Everything goes wrong,
Don’t say it,
Better luck next time,
Luck is a just excuse,
My tears have dried,
But I’m not calm inside,
i will crawl back into bed,
and stay until somebody drags me out,
when I hear your voice,
i know it's safe to rise from beneath the covers,
if you really cared you'd inquire,
and mop my heart up off the floor,
I tried to be reborn,
but the results just ended up the same,
send me off to the arms of anyone who'd take me,
easier than letting guilt eat away,
what have i become?
this fallen soldier,
in the battle of I against me.

i watched you fall,
and waste it all,
thought love was different,
meant to fill the hole,
but i see it's digging deeper,
creating a place for you to crawl into,
in disbelief, an end to your fake fairytale,
image is more important than the walls crumbling within.

I’ll stay up tonight,
Let you unbind my mind,
I’ve been playing scenes of you and I,
Over in my head,
When it’s lost will I know it?
Seems we’re traveling nowhere,
At the sight of you,
Losing breath, taken by a tremble,
Stronger than the first time,
I laid eyes upon you,
Still we won’t kill the space between,
How much sense are we making?

how these lacerations slip through your teeth,
what I hate in me I see in you,
this is how I nurse my wounds,
how can I change the way I feel inside?
I want to forget my existence, erase the foot prints i've made,
nothing is good, blinder is better,
wind me tight, for I am close to unraveling,
brace yourself,
a sight for pitiful eyes,
hunting myself with little resistence,
all these filthy thoughts,
you can't stop me,
when you say it,
almost giving yourself away,
never more than just a taste,
so keep your distance

i want to go,
where the broken girls go,
to feel beautiful,
where i'm living without all these vacillations,
just when I have things figured out,
you untie my pretensions with your intrinsic opposition.

I don’t know you like I used to,
As bad as I want to believe,
It just cannot be true,
You and me,
never meant to be,
I can’t hold on to you,
And spend my life waiting,
a break to alleviate the desolation I’ve sunk into,
a day that will not dawn,
you would be here if you wanted to,
I can’t harbor false hope that undying feelings slowly swell in you,
I push and I push until i find myself convinced of possibility,
I’ll let it die tonight,
Shed this skin I’ve spent too long in.

Have you exceeded your fill?
When will we hit overkill?
This emerging pause,
How do you decide?
I asked for answers,
But can’t find clarity,
this trial might expire,
will we breathe life into our desires?
afraid to implode,
will I receive you well?
Awake with you beside me?
Are our conversations growing tired?
When will you dispose of me?
The more it drags on,
The longer I’m apart from myself,
Now beguiled,
When will our destruction set in?
I am holding hope so high for you and I,
Once started impossible to stop,
Derail me, let us collide,
With two feet in,
Who will draw back first?
Your operative mouth,
Inciting images my mind impounds.

i'll take on your pain,
if it lessens the impact,
when can we help ourselves?
learn from repeated mistakes,
nightmares won't be reality,
when did the world become so ugly?
beauty can kill,
keeping our mouths shut won't solve much,
our fate can't be left in the hands of others,
one small decision could cost you your life,
what's going to make it right?
so dark, losing our sunny disposition,
what reasons do we have to maintain faith?
let love radiate,
which day will be our last?

What the fuck is wrong with people?????? I am so sad, so disgusted and so sorry to learn that a girl I remember from my home town was stabbed to death...

it's hard to shut my eyes,
when will the blood stop spilling?
how can we live amidst this madness?
safety is a false impression,
I only knew your face,
but the impact remains the same,
how can we trust?
in a sea full of secrets,
anyone is capable of anything,
someone so undeserving,
it's sickening,
how did we raise a society of psychos?
when will tragedy impart?
sorrow encapsulates our hearts.

I learn so much from your misfortune,
you're always trying to do the right thing,
maybe this time will be different,
you control your own happiness,
so choose your battles wisely,
your strength radiates,
no matter how soft you seem on the outside,
I absorb your decisions,
my watchful eye,
while he serves you vilification,
I'm seething in my skin,
I hope you'll be care free,
and find the arms you need,
ones to hold you high,
love you unconditionally,
you come with such a heavy heart.

words come so easy,
when communicating with you,
how do I act when i'm standing before you?
sometimes, I feel affinity with your wreckless ways,
mistakes I make wondering if you'll catch on,
how I worry i'd displease you,
notions I may invent,
to find you reaching out for me,
insinuate what thoughts lay poisoning my mind,
you crept up on me unexpectedly,
discerning the rules you'd bend for me.

Can I let a little lust escape?
suppression always backfires,
into the face of the beholder,
aligned with your eyes, I read what's written,
I believed I belonged with all the others,
what's intended, tell me your objective,
do you hide it well?
conclusion hasn't changed,
make me a martyr,
make innocence fade,
worth working for,
seeing light in darker things,
a sight i've discovered,
addition to your appeal,
resounding,
how could I tell if there's more to your story,
discrepancy,
transition from lonely,
a clause in motion,
maybe you'll meander with me

in my veins,
the smoke invades,
catches in my throat,
a covered get away,
with your back pressed against me,
folding and collapsing,
we're breathing and laughing,
pretend that I don't see disaster following,
allow wind to lift my regrets,
uncover insecurities,
aware of your dispositionm
still I ensued, breaking caution without heed,
take me eagerly,
one simple word swelling in meaning,
inhabit your reaction,
mirrored with my own,
steer myself from treason,
this dignity I fake.

~*~
Let it bleed,
fall to your knees,
beggars dishonesty,
the sharp blade of allure,
calling out to be captured.

wishing that you were nothing,
that I didn't care,
I could be weightless,
your touch is crushing,
you kiss could kill,
it's better to remain detached,
curiosity may deter me,
from paths I chose,
needing, knowing the strength you steal,
wrap me in safely,
so he cannot harm,
beginning ignorance,
never leave me empty, lost,
or without your arms to fasten me,
convalesce from your lashing tongue.

Left, like an open window,
unattended with thoughts of you,
where they travel, a forbidden place,
tell me your purpose for being here.
If there's a reason, set me upon it,
let it shake the ground,
in wondering, will my time ever arise?
an endless pause,
sigh in frustration,
all these actions missing attraction,
unanswered pleas,
i'd rather believe you can't read me,
how blantant in my sinful subtleties,
much to prove,
allure you in a surreptitious manner,
wanting what's never attained,
to create truth from impossibility,
we must have skipped the chase.

This one isn't finished!

Every time I find the strength to ensue the ending,
You hunt me down and drag me back,
When will permanency replace this shaking wall,
I’ve been building between us,
Where I can sleep,
Memories only make me weak,
when the room empties, isolation finds you,
reel me in, you know I’m willing
lay under the knife while you take what you need,
just enough to satisfy until another,
this repetitious repression,
every time my feet leave the ground,
you fracture my wings to keep me captive.

?