how ungrateful you've grown,
in such high regard i held you,
now you've tripped over swollen pride,
I hate the transformation,
the things you said you'd never be,
all just bullshit that you kept feeding me,
i'm taking the time to remind,
that the lustre inside you has died,
I saw you fade, felt you fold,
you're dancing on disgrace,
lost warmth within your face,
a shame to lose someone who meant so much.

Thought I’d never see such a vile glow,
And it struck like a hurricane blow,
it was present but it was my own,
an abysmal self creation,
what happened to my absolute dedication,
a shattering silence infusing the room,
piercing our hearts far too soon,
rolled back to the beginning,
this time hoping to collect the winning,
your universal generosity,
a parallel to my perspective,
if I could give a little more,
your candor conflicts my independence,
you’ve ended my life’s penury,
I expect your words to be full of meaning,
Will not allay false assurance,
Say straight what you portend,
Don’t make me retreat to my defense,
Never a reason to retract into refuge,
Are we ephemeral, can we transcend?
Overrun with alacrity,
Do not arise in vagary,
Conversion to my recidivist form,
Labeled laconic,
that’s who I’ve always been,
a series of sinuosity,
your beguilement remains ubiquitous,
reach me while I’m isolated,
watch my belied emotion decant,
I will repress the fallaciousness inside,
And fight for our fortitude.

From the initial sting,
You had this plan,
How suave and smoothly you’d take me,
Whisk me from existence as I knew it,
Lock me in and then unravel yourself,
Show me your unexpected nature,
Fall in line with the rest,
Trick me into short lived bliss,
Surreal spontaneity used only to get through to me,
Are you doing this for yourself?
Make me feel what you think I want to feel,
Nourish words that can’t be real,
I’m tired of the same old careless ways
You appeared to be an exception,
but I was fooled into trusting you,
how can I rely on a striking façade?
All along I thought you weren’t getting to me,
That I’d shrug off any careless actions,
But I’ve discovered I was wrong,
The dark skies are rolling in,
And where are you to greet them with me?
How hard can it be,
to keep arrangements you made with me?

Watching the water,
Waiting for what’s harder,
Didn’t want to miss out on good things,
Waiting for what’s to come,
What’s next to discover,
Curiosity catching hold,
Where will you take me?
Suspended in your arms,
Held up,
Used by the light in your eyes,
Maybe I won’t mind,
Will I linger for longer?
More than “I’ve been here before”
Seems apparent, evident in my skin,
Just a little fierce and with slight fear,
I will detach from obstruction,
Would you lie to keep me here?
Can you wait as long as it takes to get there?
Lavished saccharine acclaims
My essence: raw and innocent,
Can I contend?
Dulcet compliance.

How can I learn to be carefree?
Still and not struggle,
A stare that cannot break,
How it feels to fall fast,
With speed agile,
Sets me uneased,
I don’t want to surrender,
I fear you won’t be there when I wake,
How did I become someone,
You chose to adore,
I never imagined you’d grow more divine
Than at first glance,
So many confessions,
Innocent professions,
I’d answer only for you,
I’m at home, I’m myself with you,
Tell me everything there is to gather,
It’s clearer this time,
So much simpler this time,
I’d like to stay just like this,
Lay in the weight of your selfless kiss,
Untouchable, wrapped in this moment,
Just as we are,
As close to perfection as we can attain.

Good to know it was good for nothing,
Since when has a solid effort meant,
When we’d come all this way,
Thought support would be appreciated,
You’re making it not enough,
It ceases to be,
Anything in relation to me,
But it’s always a different story,
Tell me your side, it wins flawlessly,
You imply that I have nothing,
Nothing in comparison to you,
Only shallow opulence,
you own and display,
you’re too ahead to care to see behind,
that’s where you’ll find me.

in a new state,
a fresh development,
can you bear it, can you stand it?
close your eyes if you don't like what you see,
it will remain, it will never go away,
for once i'm taken much too sweetly,
what makes this different from times before?
you shone and you were glorious,
now you're set to destroy,
unconsciously swathed in envy,
how can I revive your precedent glow,
the one in which we savored untouchable memories.
am I stealing the light you wanted for yourself?
I can't suppress what can't be found again,
could we compromise, slip with a concession?
this is the first and I pray the last,
so now are you convinced of our value?
dismissing as lies, all the truths I bestow,
All I crave is the paradise of our past.

Still Unfinished...

what's left to unfold?
perhaps fall apart and fall away,
lessen the effort,
leave it unresolved and awaiting closure.
will it ever reach down to you?
what's the easiest path to access,
enrapt in the mirror,
unfurling new complexity,
may an ease creep into your sleep.
choosing to keep your misery for mystery.
is it enough to suffice?
replace the trace of happiness......

Is it supposed to be this easy?
makes me wonder why I ever settled before,
the first sincerity I believe,
an honest voice,
to divulge to a trusted soul,
no one's ever tried to know me like you have,
how did such sweet conditions find me?
it all fell together effortlessly,
am I doing the right thing?
seeking ways to break this complacent state,
a chance to ruin my elated tenure,
would I take it?
should these thoughts run me weary,
as they settle themselves in a lucid light,
I welcome you into the weakest part,
I hope I draw close to your ideals,
I fear that I will fall behind,
get lost in a digressing occasion,
when I hesitate will you dissuade me from giving until there's nothing left,
is your patience refined,
polished for my fresh attempt,
have you constructed an image of my existence,
with the history and words I offer,
do you know me now, what have you found?
who have I grown into?

seeing what i looked from so far up so close,
the picture paints itself more divine,
is it fooling me?
is this a conspiracy, can it be real?
feels like I never missed a day,
even if I found the words to describe,
could I use them to their best?
loneliness & emptiness has dispersed,
what's left for me to use?
i'm heading back to where i belong,
but will you come along?

this is the way your heart speaks to me,
all the right things you've learned before,
refreshing to find a face you can trust,
a gentle soul,
and my ridiculous grin won't win me anything,
a level of comfort that never existed present,
streams of stories while happiness found a place inside me,
an unexplainable bliss, first rush i've felt like this,
the formation of an idea you won't change on me,
what more is there to say.

This one's a little dedication to someone ...

You may see me as I see you
But instead of you seeing me, I see right through you
In this room with a two-tone view
You make it so easy to terrorize you
You reflect and retract
Retreat when I attack
Too cowardly to offer explanation
And instead reply with agitation
What are you running from?

I’m sure you had good grounds,
To keep me from being around,
It didn’t seem rational back then,
But I won’t be found back there again,
Risen above my irate state.

Funny to look into the past
To figure out what made me want us to last,
Doesn’t make sense anymore,
For graceful adoration, this time I implore,
You search for standards you’ll never attain,
Painting your exterior to mask uncertain pain,
What is it that eats away at you?

You give yourself away in your transparent armor,
Concealed in sheep’s clothing as a dissolute charmer,
It doesn’t embody the person I thought you’d be,
I can’t help but worry, that’s just the nature of me,
Always appears you’re hiding something,
Maybe it’s not worth it’s losing everything,
i just hope you’re happy someday,

how complicated your life looks to be,
am I exaggerating the extent of your misery?
Less mystery after once seen,
You can’t expect forgiveness if you don’t come clean,
I just want to know why you act this way,
I’m not the only one who sees it, think what you may.
Even if I offered my solace, you would turn me away,
I hope there’s a contented light about you one day.

~*~

And you typed out the sweetest things
the entire song and it’s contents,
how you felt,
how I felt too,
and it all melted away,
I can’t seem to pass it,
I’m caught in the breaking, still frozen,
Paralyzed by the end of the surprise,
I can’t believe it’s come to this,
I only listen to the songs that describe you,
And how I feel,
How you used to feel,
I hate to see the confirmation coming,
Must’ve forgotten what I look like,
You haven’t seen the change,
This time there’s no room for improvement,
Why am I running, pretending it never happened,
As if my pace quickening kills the sound,
You’re sending me somewhere I can’t stand to be,
So much for the truth, now who’s insecure,
No one’s ever turned me into this,
Needing never wanting more,
How endless you appear,
I’m sorry for the damage,
It’s only fair I take the fall this time,
You stopped me when I thought I was right,
And you’ve lost your compassion,
Again and again,
You’re the ghost of my conception,
All this trouble I’ve caused,
It cost me you,
and how you felt,
And how I’ll always feel.

Don’t expect anything from me,
I won’t warn you before I leave,
And when I’m gone I won’t think of you,
Keep my head looking forward,
You will stay where I left my defeats,
As far as I’m concerned,
I kept the promise I made,
5 days until I can breathe,
without your insensitivity,
past your pale pollution,
I thought you’d separate yourself from the rest,
But you proved me so wrong,
I vow to be the one who you let get away,
And I travel so far while you wonder who you are,
Find yourself incomplete in my absence,
There will be no disarming captivity,
I was a fool to my own judgment,
But I won’t be beaten by your successions,
Why should I accept your irreverence?
How can you hold so much distaste,
for someone you once claimed to love,
confused by flirtatious invitations you were sending,
and you become so detached from our conversation,
finally you justify your answer I didn’t want to hear,
delegating the dissonant lapse unto me,
you’re so thick you’re not worth the dereliction.

Would you still care
If our goodbyes were said yesterday
I can promise you this time
If I show you how remorse fills my veins
And how the darkness enfolds me
Would it change your mind
I’m tripping into every black hole
You choose to disregard what you see of me,
This lengthy despair you’ve set in stone,
I can’t evade,
But are you unguarded inside?
Do I break right through?
Do you stand by those fierce words you preach?
Why has everything evolved around you,
Swallowing my world and displacing it with your own,
I can’t elude your soft face and playful smile,
It’s the worst thing for me,
I’ll never heal without you.

I hate to admit,
And it’s gone but I still need it,
The lyrics describe it seamlessly,
“Our love was comfortable and so broken in”,
you never said you didn’t still feel the same,
I’m too afraid to ask,
Why am I dwelling on the chance?
I should have moved on,
But I’m certainly unsure,
I wish it wasn’t so calloused,
This art I’ve created,
Of losing and then penitence,
Initiation is a task you avoid altogether,
I’ll let you go as soon as my loneliness subsides.

Slowly burning in my own hell,
Wish I had someone to assist in my escape,
The future is dim and littered with contusions,
All the good is beyond many sunsets,
Never nearing the ending,
Reminders of my useless absorption,
How it looks from the outside,
Avarice, an understatement,
My every want is handed to me with no complication,
This isn’t me,
Circumstances are essential,
An unfair affair,
Guilt overwhelms me,
Seeing the likes of repentance for ridiculous matters,
Why generate shame for every object bestowed to me,
Such a burden I’ve suddenly become,
An unjust judgment to which I am indignant.

all i feel,
i am hollowed,
an empty vessel set out to find you,
what's taking so long?
a regression to the beginning,
sometimes it's hard to take the truth,
another loss to suffer through,
i'd like to think my luck's finally changing,
but still the same scenery seen,
bring back vitality from it's long hibernation,
falling into the extent of only endings,
the outlook isn't promising.

what made you say those things,
so out of the blue,
while you chase the room,
staring at your own reflection,
and all the pretty faces,
how am i supposed to take you seriously?
you & your wandering eyes,
i see you for what you really are,
so please stop trying,
the effort is a waste of your precious time,
it's to what you're bound by blood that i adore,
perilously poised,
you think your charm cannot be resisted,
an explanation you waited too long to release,
why now?
your sudden delayed honesty,
i sense you know better,
you pursue what you find,
naive vulnerability,
assured you can steal a weakened heart,
you appear to hold so much wreckage,
i don't know the truth to your character,
why do you act as you do,
following what loathed you've grown used to,
where's your will to change?