I’m not waiting up for you no more,
I’ve washed my hands of your drama,
Always getting in our way,
I’ve put forth everything I’ve got,
Still it’s never enough, you’re draining me,
Drawing all the life out of me,
I’ve got no more energy to spare,
Wasting it listening to your lame ass excuses,
I tried what I could to salvage what I felt,
But love doesn’t want to stick around anymore,
Intensity dove underground,
You have been found impeccably further than thoughts care to wander,
You’re growing fonder, but I’m sailing away.
On soft seas, burning remnants of you to dust,
You send sweet words to capture,
You aim is useless and it hits me,
But I don’t sense a difference,
Actions speak louder,
You’re throwing me off with your inability,
To bring yourself to me.

You don’t have it in you,
The right words to keep me,
Or the actions to make me want to stay,
I knew it all along,
You maintained that I was wrong,
Now you don’t disagree,
Just pretend I never said anything.
I take offense to your irresolution.
You’re not spontaneous like me.
A repetitive cycle, winding up the same.
what's the purpose?
My spite for you, my misconstrued mystifier.
Why don’t you ever change?
Since you know the story well.
I can’t be pacified.
False hope with no avail.
You just keep putting me off,
So get drunk and say sweet things,
you’re not getting anywhere.
I remember every scratch you etched into me.

Won’t you leave me lying here?
In this hole where I buried myself.
I’m treading water,
You’re pulling me underneath the surface,
I didn’t ask for your return,
Exchange you for new,
Suffering through inescapable you,
Say you will, but you never will,
Avoid your faults, they only anchor you further,
Losing interest, losing patience,
What haven’t I done for you?we’re still getting nowhere.
dress me up like your girl,
where it’s quiet, when no one’s around,
It’s too soon to make your move,
distance is your biggest foe.
Scrape me off my feet,
I’m not obliged,
If you can’t take the time.

Siren sings loud,
I’m up in the crowd,
First to fail you,
A wildfire in the rush,
Soft cement, I’m motionless,
Applauding the cause of my fidelity,
The pages and pages upon which I poured,
I penned for you,
A fair fight, measured in mended hearts,
Who’s will be last broken?
Merit my efforts,
Summer still carries on,
No matter what you hide,
It hasn’t dried up and died,
Best to pretend, best to outrun everything,
Suspended in sound,
Forget everything up until now,
It's inevitable, we're not where we belong,
smoke filled room,
it echoes in emptiness without you.

What’s the word to describe this,
Degree of loss of sanity,
I held you once for sweet eternity,
Or so it seemed,
But I wound up to push you down,
I flew back when I caught my breath,
But irony beat me to you,
Flawed a fantastic light,
It’s only rational,
that eventually you will find me,
early 80s baby, did we make history?
I made a mark, stuck hard,
but you peeled me off, to move on,
it’s getting late, can you take me home?
Screw all your common sense,
It never won you anything but intellect,
Still your face never fades to grey,
When my eyes say they want to stay.

We wind up here again.
At last you’re coming back,
With one binding breath,
You’re laying on the charm,
For some reason you can’t seem to get enough,
What compels you to continue when I drive you away?
And I’m so uninvolved, distracted, but curious.
How far will we push this time?
No one ever saw what I did,
There’s not much appealing anymore,
And once I’m fed-up with you,
Hello, hi and a smile, here you are,
Waking up where you want to be,
And I’ve given up going easy on you,
you must sense the prospects growing,
your efforts subjugated,
my mind inflated with richer possibilities.
I know now, what I’m capable of attaining.

~*~

~*~

~*~

It was this guy's (my roomie's boytoy's) suprise bday party at our place on Sat. Here are some of the highlights!

This is one of my fav photos.

Now I’m so accustomed to your way,
If you’ve got someone to fill the place,
Why should I matter anymore?
Well I hope she’ll never leave you,
All this “our friendship is important”
Blown out the window, bullshit,
You’ve had all this time to catch up,
But you never tried,
Why pretend when you see me?
Can’t you help yourself?maybe the miles between are a good thing,
I’m tired of losing sleep,
Mourning over our broken ties,
Kuz it was never me that mattered,
It was having someone to fall back on
When your head was a heavy cloud,
I’m glad I served you well,
And if you need me, I might think about sticking around,
It’s hard to accept that someone else is walking in my shoes,
Filling the richest thoughts in your mind,
And the heart I used to own.

Desperate to seek the truth,
Imagining you showing up at my door,
Take me in your arms,
Tell me you’ve loved only me,
Always me,
She was just a summer fling,
While you were waiting for my return,
If you knew I was a sure thing,
Would you run back to me?
I’m so mad at myself,
For hesitating an eternity,
What could I say to convince you,
That it should be us, not you and her,
Do I still reign in your heart?
Do you shut her out kuz I taught you to?
I can’t stop my brain from ticking,
Funny how when I ask what’s new,
You don’t mention her existence,
Do you think I’d already know?
how would i?
how long has it been?
No wonder you’ve been so preoccupied,
I guess my sneaking suspicion was right.
I hate knowing, I hate thinking of the two of you,
And what we could have had.
Maybe you’ll miss me too much to stay apart.
You were my everything for many years,
My safety net, incase I tripped over my life,
Now I’m headed backwards at 100 miles per hour,
And you wouldn’t know it.
Call me a home wrecker, I’ve come to claim what’s mine.

I always figured I’d end up with you,
I had no idea our ending would come so soon,
She can’t replace the years we spent,
The impact it takes to fall in love,
It’s hard to imagine you with anyone,
Has she taken over the way you felt for me?
The light in your eye when I enter the room,
It hasn’t changed,
Would you believe me if I told you?
Would you even care?
what if I don’t let you get away?
I’m trying hard to keep it locked inside,
But I’m trembling and weighted down,
I don’t want to move,
Just stare at nothing,
Waiting for the ache to wash over me,
I can’t believe my misfortune,
How could I not foresee the irony?
I’m listening to the same songs you held me to,
One summer too short,
I was so happy when I came to my conclusion,
To put an end to our miserable separation,
Now I’m just lost in sorrowful confusion,
Singing myself to tears,
I have a list of songs I’d dedicate to you,
If you would hear me out,
Maybe hearing my voice would make you remember why I meant so much,
Do you notice my heavy footsteps in your dreams,
Making a scene, so you think of me,
Whispering my name to your mind,
"Get up and leave,
You don’t have to wait any longer,
So come on and capture me,"
i’m in so deep there’s no hope for sleep,
you better rescue me,
i'm counting on you.

my body's tired,
still I can't sleep,
All in my head I see her face,
Smitten with what she’s got,
She’d never realize how it was mine,
Why do I keep losing you?
I know where I’ve gone wrong,
We overcame, so why am I sitting here now?
You didn’t want me, you said it once,
As you held my hands across the table,
How could I resist,
How have I held strong this long?
Now it’s all tumbling to pieces,
Now this confession seems meaningless,
If you’ve got something good,
why so surprised to see me?
Wouldn’t you have thought I’d miss you?
I’ve reminded you a thousand times,
I let it slip,
I feel so hollow and swollen,
I’m the one to blame,
But what could I do?
you would have stayed if you wanted to.

Haven’t felt like this in a long time,
Hadn’t heard of the destroyer,
I’m lying on the ground,
I can’t reach my feet,
Every part of me is broken,
I’ve been deserted,
Deadly desolation,
But you’ve got other things to worry about,
The confusion rips me apart,
This artificial happiness,
I’ve been faking,
No one can save me from my sins,
I’ve worked for redemption,
But never hard enough,
Worn through, my love for you is worthless,
How could it have been so easy?
Malicious truth to kill,
All the hope I buried alive,
The first to flee,
the first to fall,
the last to lose this love for you,
so unwilling to replace,
what took me years to find,
haunting exhilaration,
thrilled to finally find,
a century too late.

Wow, talk about bad timing.. ........

Somehow I already knew,
But I refused to believe it,
But I can’t deny your obligations,
Kuz you can’t love me like you used to,
Now that I need you,
You’ve got somebody new,
All the thoughts of us dried and decayed,
Could she be a substitute, holding my place?
I can’t erase the signs of excitement shown on your face,
When we met again in a new light,
cut deep, it caught me by the throat,
I knew by the time I felt sure, you’d be gone,
And I bet she’d never do you like I did,
I’m paying for my mistakes,
the hurt wanting you, but I can never have you,
Can I recover?
Keep it hidden,
So you will never know,
Why must fate choose for me to be alone?
Could you not leave her since I’ve always been the one?
And all those beautiful revelations were lies,
Building me up, to break me,
I can’t say these words,
There’s no “our ever after,”
I swear I mean forever this time,
I know you’ve been here before,
And I will die by your feet,

I’m burning all my thoughts of you,
What I thought you were,
With so many girls,
I’m surprised you don’t get confused,
Now all my questions are answered,
All the mystery has faded,
And left shameful you,
Where’s the guilt, where’s the regret?
You think you’re fulfilling every girl’s fantasy,
Well you never really meant that much to me.

You realize the things you need too late,
And I walked away from the best,
Couldn’t stand being so blissful,
Now my regrets have grown too big,
I can’t see past your face,
You’ve become more gorgeous than I could have imagined,
Your love was unconditional,
I ruined the trust you invested in me,
I’m not asking for a second chance, I’m begging,
I won’t lose you this round,
If only there was a way to show you how deep my repentance runs,
If I had a second chance I would never do those things to you,
You mean too much to me to just forget,
How many more years will you make me wait?

I guess i've been writing too many I can't finish lately! Sorry they're so short!

I was addicted to your desperate kisses,
I left you stranded on an island of thought,
I’m not for everyone,
I don’t agree with your guilty lies,
An empty defense,
I don’t hear what you’re saying, all I hear is their names,
I found a way to let you go, painlessly, effortlessly,
I know I’ll never need someone like you to weigh me down,
Push me around,You thought you could.