I’m waiting for you to come around,
Like it was before but I know the feelings intensified,
It seems you know just when I’m needing you most,
Always there to say the right things just when I’m losing hope,
Or when I start to lose interest,
Keeping me tied on,
No chance of escape,
I’m sick of taking your fair weather love
Whenever you call, asking me to,
How you lead me one way and leave,
I fill this void of yours while mine runs deeper,
Throw yourself into me and run after I react,
So I have to wait until you give me the go ahead,
Can’t we just coincide,
Collapse at the same time,
I’m only playing along to please you,
If you resurfaced at this moment,
You might catch me weakened,
I’m beckoning you,
Need you next to me,
I’m letting my barrier down,
Opening up to the idea,
Another night without you is torture,
It’s not fair to push me aside,
When you see me in this state.

When words disappear
I have nothing to say to you now,
You’re losing the only chance you’ll ever get,
You don’t seem worried,
So I’ll close this door I left ajar,
Kuz I can do better,
Perhaps you sense its loneliness,
Throwing rocks at your window,
All the shit I put up with doesn’t mean much to you,
If you don’t care then why should i?
You’d have to make this worth my wasted while,
It would take more effort than you’d care to impart,
So stay out of sight,
Let my anger settle,


After I kissed you,
I lost my place,
I guess you saw it coming,
But you didn’t try to stop me.

I’m leaving, leaving,
I won’t be honest and ruin you,
This uneasy situation,
You’ve been plowing me through,
His insolent maundering,
Making me the defect,
Always fault the father, unless he is you,
This obstinate presence,
We’re unable to exorcise.
You married an ignorant mendacious man,
He’s a tyranny I cannot obliterate,
Releasing disconcerting electrons,
You seem to overlook and grasp tightly to.
What compels you to stay?
To obey his manipulative coercion,
Speaking down to you.
With negated love and happiness,
Your guilt-ridden conscience
And trepidation rooted in your feet.

Make my heart pound,
Then my blood boil,
It’s push and pull,

An abrupt stop,
In this surge of feelings,

Why would you conceal,
What’s bound to be revealed?
Was I deceived? Did I misread?

Is there any purpose in supposition?
Or is this wasted time?

Intuition speaks candor,
My agonizing flummox echoes at volumes,
ears can’t detect.

Don’t shelve your stars,
Time will find you when you’re ready,
We’re all set to fall,
It never happens in anticipation,
I’ve wondered and waited too long,
I know it will catch me when my eyes are closed.

Don’t pack it in,
Give up just yet,
Fate works in mysterious ways,
Bide your time,
Instil faith,
you’re worth it,
Imbue joie de vivre,

I have learned a lesson,
Solitude bleeds you dry,
All you’ll find is sterility,

In opportune,
Your parapet appears.

You revived me,
Brought hope to light,
You turned a bad day bright,
Surprising me with your interest,
How can a distance be made shorter,
when there is an ocean in between?
The hours expired hastily,
Where can this liasion lead?
How can we stay connected?

Maybe you were sent as a sign,
But I’m hooked and I can’t quit relinquishing,
Revel in our insatiable conversation,
The ease in which you lifted me,
Rescuing me from obstacles too big to climb,
A magnificent mien,
I just drowned in,
The inexplicable chemical combustion,
That incited us.
I hope we meet again.

I don’t like these floating feelings,
Your embrace soaked with unattainable affection,
My perplexity,
Your determination to confound,
Where do I stand?
What character are you considering me for?
All these inclinations indicating,
The unfathomable,
I become a fixture,
In your unravelling,
But what unfastens you?
Silence falls between meetings,
I will see you by fates appointment.

Allowing thoughts to fester,
Emotions to sit unsettled,
If you’d ask, would I comply?
A friendship drunk on suffocated desire,
Or a deceiving smokescreen,
Commitment bound by love,
That you will not break,
Nor will you defend,
As you obscure my mind with ambiguity.

Removed myself from memory’s way,
All the sites we sunk into,

I’ve pushed all my emotions to the farthest reaches,
Stronger without knowing of your existence,

But at the mention of your name,
I falter, I fold,

Aware of how little I can do,
To reach you,

Like a spell that I’ve been put under,
Enduring only for you.

Just another,
Wind your words around me,
Stretch your feelings and deceive with your inaction,
Have I become just a pawn?
Falling into a trap, taking a number while I wait in line,
For a dial tone, for disappointment,
Made to believe fate had a hand,
This fictive fairytale,
Is the error out of contrivance?
Finger reflected back at me,
A covetous defect,
Too long derelict,
Veiled neatly,
Staged impermeableness,
Are you buying my performance?
I’d like your attention please.

Play me like a fiddle,
I’ve been a fool,
Trying to mould myself for you,
Arguing with my intentions,
Filling my head with sexy scenarios,
Believing that you want what’s underneath,
Not a fingerprint to convict,
You reach right in,
I omit my precept to feel the thrill,
Initially a repugnant rival,
Now rescinded and penchant requited
Confusing you with a proclivity of distaste.
Inculcate my improper translations,
Bury the vacillation.

Time to update this ancient blog!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Removed myself from memory’s way,
All the sites we sunk into,

I’ve pushed all my emotions to the farthest reaches,
Stronger without knowing of your existence,

But at the mention of your name,
I falter, I fold,

Aware of how little I can do,
To reach you,

Like a spell that I’ve been put under,
Enduring only for you.

I’d like to see you wither and shaking,
Strip it off, strip it down,
Show me your bones,
What lies underneath is what keeps me intrigued,

Cancel your hesitation,
Deepening exhalation,
Surround the night with your sound,

Swept by the sight of your skin rising,
Chided if it pleases,
Rousing receptors once dormant,
This complacent communication,
Implicit reverence,

Foretasted it,
Consecrated in the dark,
Before you knew,
Redolent of my minds desires,
Impetuous succession
In our venery,
Adumbrate in your advance,
Rapturous perpetuity.

Sick, sick, I’ve been lovesick too long,
I just need to be discouraged,
I don’t want to hear it.
Press on please,
Can’t let me to linger,
I won’t leave,
Stability is shaken,
Won’t return to that solid place,
I stopped breathing for a minute,
Quicken the pace,
Alarming light bulb, I keep turning off,
Don’t illuminate the truth,
My ears only hear proof to plead my case,
Guilty of never giving up,
Hope that can’t be stamped out,
A cry implacable,
Waiting for my hearts funeral.
You were the laudanum, the lullaby.

Two completely separate bits...

I feel like a bird that you can’t catch,
But you can’t be caught either,
I’ve had my hands on your wings, but you always shake them free.
Tired of being close, walking away empty handed.
You deceive me with your compliments.
Another face appears in the place I thought I’d be.
Her words are mine verbatim,
Do you disappoint her in the same way?

~*~


You’re a harlot, a harbinger of deceit,
Anxious to prove your love is above mine,
But you just proved you’re easy and cheap,
Your head is polluted, as is your taste,
Narcissistic, eager to right the indignation of attention not centered around you.
Karma is a killer,
You’re lighting the kerosene,

Have I solved the equasion,
how to love without pain?
Is there such a thing?
I’m veering much too close,
Past the point of no return,
No resuscitating,
I want to free fall,
Find you at the bottom,
Softly land in a pool of you,
Years of mind splitting confusion,
Led me here somehow,
The universe has a reason,
I’ll keep following fate,
With an open heart,
It wasn’t easy to be susceptible,
To the inexplicable,
Believing is receiving,
And I asked for you,
Afraid of expiration,
I procure the nerve I need,
To pursue without reticence.

Too haste to pass judgment,
I am enamored by your reverence,
Startled by your evolution since my abhorrence,
Your reference to marriage is so trivial,
But do you mean it?
Sincerity seems certain, as it never had
You softly say you’ll miss me,
As I engage in actions I repudiated,
Winter romance is creeping in,
My heart holds no resistance,
I wish I could love with no restraint,
Without fear of having it taken,
The little trust I have left,
I’m afraid to invest in you,
Promises are easily made,
When there’s no time to be followed through,
I will leave believing you.

I’ll wish you into submission,
I’m fishing for effective bait,
Your hook is a slippery slope
And I can’t seem to climb it,
You’ve got me tangled in tension
With no outlet for release,
Couldn’t you follow through just once,
Risk the fall and lose it all,
Create something warm and beautiful,
What sends you into suppression?
I can’t believe it’s me,
Preventing the unraveling,
Sweet dreams of all the things you hide from me,
The only allowance from your lips,
Left with strictly fantasies,
Of the lacking you lead me to,
You spoke words of ready,
But I’m still counting unfulfilled promises.

I don’t want to be this solo project,
But unfulfilled simple requests will not grant you safe passage to where you want to be,
I can’t accept falsified lines or counterfeit sincerity.

What I need cannot be fabricated.
Something true, unwarranted and wanton,
No hesitation and boundless.

I’m starting to lose hope,
This underlying brevity,
You drain the light with your deflating demeanor,
From the girl who holds the yarn you seek,
You will not get one inch from me,
Please don’t play coy, it never suited you.

I’ve been wandering lost for some time,
You help me feel grounded,
but I have to learn to steady myself.
I felt I couldn’t get on without your unconditional ardor,
I lay in the arms of lies for so long
And found no comfort there.
There isn’t a visible boundary guiding my way.
Where are the words to help keep me strong?
Some intentions driven by sincerity.
Only the liars love me.
Seeking a soft heart.
A profligate in the past,
Now the well has run dry.
I feel the libertine incarnated.
Thirsty and lachrymose.

We live and love and breathe,
Without feeling,
Sometimes the world grows still,
And I can’t wait to hear a scream,
Just an inkling of happening,
I can’t close my eyes until movement’s made,
I’d rather drown than float endlessly,
Please don’t walk out and not look back,
While I keep waiting to hear your body hesitating,
this plateau is suffocating,
send some motion my way,
nothing I haven’t cried about,
how many times do I have to change,
before life becomes okay and I can stay in one place,
I’ve been leaving it all behind each time it finds my safe haven,
I keep my feet on the pavement,

I live alone between these walls,
With barely enough space to breathe,
I can't keep up to meet demands,
It wasn't a part of the plan,
But I can't say no, I don't want to be alone,
Only until the morning burns my sight,
It's the wrong kind of love I'm asking for,
emulating the rush I used to feel,
they want the charade, my drug of praise,
a service I can't refuse,
with arms outstretched,
meandering in and out,
as you please,
lover of the lost ones,
unbound and buttoned-up,
unable to provide when pushed for more.

I think every poem should be paired with some sort of visual.

It’s been a long time since your face found a home in my head,
Reading into old words you had written,
A sweet November, you remembered me,
Letters laced with star-crossed love,
Keeping the idea of you close to the furnace,
Welcoming you back with an inviting light,
Don’t make me wake without you another night,

TIME FOR AN UPDATE!!!

I have neglected the poetry since before my European trip and now that i'm back I have just been focusing all my energy and thoughts on moving to London in the fall. I've been a giant emanating ball of nerves since I realized the painstaking process of becoming an international student. However it all seems to be falling into place and I feel confident saying that in nearly 4 months I will be a student at Central Saint Martins, Uni of the Arts London!!!!!

Today was an exciting and inspiring day. I visited with my mum, brothers and sister-in-law and was able to feel my little nephew kicking! I can't wait until he arrives in 10 weeks.

Later, I was checking my favourite graphic artist, Silja Goetz's website for new work and realized how badly I yearned for the perfection in her sketches. My talent for drawing rests at about the level of a 6 year old. Perplexed by this matter, and the fact I was enrolled in an arts Uni, I felt there was no better way to refine my capacity than to practice. So I had a go at drawing and seem to be improving drastically! What do you think? Is there any hope for me?

(See above: Right page = the two year old scribbles that were the previous extent of my abilities. Left page = my current level of capabilities).

the future is not a dead end,
what i deemed dead survives,
but to actually persist,
this is where the trouble lays,
inadvertently misled,
maybe you're the one exception,
seize this sailing ship down solitary seas,
toast our union, initiate it's foundation,
i will tend to it's preservation,
and pacify it's appetite.
should I ally with time?
to await your approaching arms,
this day, a dream long ago deceased,
shall i revive or let you breathe it back to life?

sick of this, you sauntering in,
speaking through a swollen ego, masking your insecurities,
thinking you can reach me,
i'm waiting til you're neck deep,
drown in your ill-intentions,
fated to fall, believing you're fortunate enough to be forgiven,
flashing yellowed teeth,
not if you're honing in on me,
you've been circling around me,
like a hungry hawk,
since i've resisted your advances,
feigning interest to knock you over,
injecting madness in my method,
hooked like a baited fish,
following promising words down a blackened tunnel,
just to watch the way my mouth moves.

Here you come bounding back,
Ready to attack just when the air fills my lungs,
I suppressed those bitter feelings for so long,
Now you feel the free in me,
Refuse to let the wild possess again,
Rope my neck and wind me in slowly,
You missed a beat, you’re a moment too late,
I taste the sour your skin has turned,
Life is better living as your lover in past tense
Owing me a fortune in favors,
It will take more than your arms length to feel my heart’s safe with you.

What I say is not what I mean,
Surprise,
I’m just as deceptive as you,
Only with a less devilish smile,

Even if I’m too weak to say no,
When you leave my heart hasn’t broken,
Maybe I’m getting used to this pattern,

Every meeting is brand new,
And just as fleeting,
Silence plays a bigger role,
Once time has dwindled,
It feels like September,

I waited to discover brilliance undressed,
instead found you empty underneath.

Alas we reached this point I’ve anticipated,
And while I prepared myself for the gloomy descent,
There is still a bitter sting,
but I won’t cry,
An outside perception clouds my head, I delude myself,
What a harsh reality I awake to find,
No matter what you feel one moment,
It never transfers onto the next,
I wouldn’t take back what’s progressed,
I wish I could bind my hands to keep them from finding you,
All your limits and boundaries are invisible wires I trip upon,
I just want this to be over,
To feel I’ve had my fix of you,
More than enough and never want it again,
I’ve got this image in my mind that I can’t shake,
A merciless body,
Laying beside me at night,
It’s no comfort to me now,
Only a reminder that I can’t quit,
I’ll write your life the way I watched you live it,
Repressed, masking sensitivities with conceit,
It made me sick in need,
What’s wrong with me to fall for such lamented charm.
And yearn for it as soon as the memory of malice fades.

flashes of forbidden moments,
the ones we longed for,
a night that seemed too short,
but worth waiting for,
wished for again,
I know who you are now,
With a twisted vision of you in your head,
You can’t see the good,
The lines my fingers love to trace,
Loathing yourself doesn’t leave room for anyone else,
what we both don’t want, you won’t let me forget,
when I try to break the boundary,
is this a service? a way to spare me?

You can retreat all you want,
Shield yourself from me,
I could be armed and loaded,
Taking aim.
What do you fear the most?
The run of my emotions or asking of your own?
There will be no exchange of reprimandments,
I know better than to unleash these racing feelings,
As uncertain as I am, your ego convinced of my unwavering affections.
Lies that I allow you to believe.

Are you proud to say you’ve guided my transgression?
I can’t feel a thing.
I don’t even ache knowing I’ll never see your face,
Maybe that’s your purpose,
Will this anesthetic last?
I’m using you to destroy myself.

The man with the crooked mouth,
Mesmerized by it’s movement,
And his clear eyes,
Shifting calmly but with artful suspicion,
Sustains mystery, shy away from the probing eye,
Something so unique and incendiary,
Impossible to withdraw from watching,
Often a figure in my dreams,
He imbues me,
Permeated by his emanated longing.

Coiled around your shadow,
I cannot reach inside you,
You refuse to give me a glimpse of what you hide,
Slow and deliberate,
I am circling you,
Imagining you with me,
And the bliss we’d rouse,
It’s a sickening thought,
To become those we deride,
You bonafide acerbity
Sometimes I see your affection,
appear and fade before you notice that I’ve caught on,
a faint light, but still burning behind two windows,
evolving, not fast enough to include me,
being your placate playmate,
leaves this abyss you forget to inject with your empathy,
my importunate pleas aggravate your response to me.
The part that hurts the worst is why you cut me off so suddenly,
I swear I want you as you are.

Every minute you are remembered,
I see your name and know you’re breathing,
My eyes are fighting tears,
My heart races faster,
You’ve become this chimera,
A constant thought impossible to abandon,
I wrote my love for you,
I’m still waiting,
Even just the acknowledgement of words swallowed,
Will lay my mind to rest,
Somehow I’ve been running without blood in my veins,
You took it all away,
I hate the numbness I’ve befriended
after years of missing you,
you were my extension, the part that encapsulated vivacity,
I simply decay at the slightest association,
I can’t keep myself intact.
I wish it were your arms collecting the fragments that once reified me.

You had me when I ran with fire in my eyes,
The wind could never slow me,
Too wild to be tamed,
Too ignorant to be aware of the world,
There must be better out there,
I never second guessed my choices,
Reality was much harsher than expected,
I never lost anything of value,
Not until I realized what I found in you,
Couldn’t handle complacency,
Never felt I deserved the euphoria I held,
Instead of loving you like I should have,
I turned you away.
Mourning the death of our affinity,
Nothing rests comfortably,
With this part of me absent.

This will pass,
i’m concealing apologies,
that want to find you,
but it’s your sorries I’m not expecting,
you know how hard it’s been,
for me to sit and wonder,
since you’re withholding validation,
what’s the point in hanging hope on a baitless hook,
in an empty sea,
watching my words incase I trespass your safe grounds,
taboo topics I transgress upon,
and you take them like a witness to a murder,
no one plays the arcane contrivance better than you.
I’ve tried but you’ve uncovered every entry.

Don’t make me a damsel,
Slippery imputations slithering between painted lips,
Stop rendering me helpless,
No more deliberate misconceptions,
Just to draw attention to the worst in me,
Your restrictions are exhausting,
I shouldn’t have to defend myself against your fiction,
You’ve never been on my side.

Almost forgot your existence,
Accepted the idea our paths weren’t meant to join,
But your beautiful face resurfaced in a place I didn’t expect,
My mind keeps rehashing the evening,
Searching for indications,
That my hopes might have motive to soar,
The first to strike my interest,
While the others are amenable,
You’re the latest enigma,
I can’t resist unraveling,
Fraying from the inside,
My credence deteriorated as your mouth moved,
Curiosity’s affliction,
What feelings arise when I appear in your mind?
While I’m wishing you oblige,
will resolve terminate the allure?
I'd rather be apprised.

Another heedless mouth,
When will I meet the last time-waster?
Are we so desperate, we’ll lay fueled by intoxication?
I’m always the one caught in crossfire,
Naïve to believe a chance might be worth taking,
Romance is deliberative plea,
To those with broken egos/to the pitiful egotist in need.
They’re all vampires.
It’s a shame how disillusioned I’ve become,
I feel nothing when the anesthetized elucidation arrives,
Is it wrong to wait for the archaic concept of fervor to return?
I’ll quit liaising with the same syndication.

I hit the trigger to turn your toxicity on,
Where in the night did I find it?
The first could be no mistake,
If I found myself in your arms twice
Finally released, I felt at ease enough to be me,
You seemed pleased until the light licked your window.
What wore off in two hours time?
Grant me mercy, toss me a clue,
What instantaneously changed you?
From entertaining my lips to recovering from the blade of your sharp-edged tongue.
You held me tightly,
but I awoke shivering from your imprudence.
Were there words that displeased you?
As soon as I allowed myself to let you in,
you morphed into this monster.
It’s the unwarranted actions that bruise me,
I can’t forget the way it felt to be pressed against you,
There are no breaks,
only loss after loss for nice girls like me.

i'm not one to disguise my feelings,
I could tell in your tone,
it hung heavy in the air,
I left my mind on your lips,
unaware of anything but your touch,
and being ajoined by legs locked together,
last night,
my mind can't stop meandering back,
I couldn't stay for fear of where my hands would lead me,
i'm wishing to prolong the moment and our mingling heat,
in my head i'm crawling underneath your covers and your comforting arm,
every melody becomes our rhythm
and the rise before I crash into you,
i'll keep your kiss with me,
until the urgency strikes us again.

how many are you going to go through,
before you cease licking my plate clean?
when this comes full circle,
you'll be wishing you played your hand differently,
I should pass you my book of numbers,
so you can finish what unwritten law you've broken,
you know how to suffocate a dying song,
show me some remorse,
i'm not the forgiving kind,
I keep all your faithless actions,
locked in my memory,
it's a lucid fact that you're not changing,
latch on to your own dreams,
stop tracing where my steps have been,
to prove you're good enough to have what once was mine,
fill your pockets with my past,
take all you can carry,
you'll never be better than second best.

Coming in waves of twos,
Still I never manage to win,
It’s the wayward ones that find me,
I’m sleeping with a satisfied smile,
But it always fades too soon,

I do this to myself,
Becoming inured to,
This sort of assiduous self-torture,
Every admonition is ignored,
While I’m aware you’re whoring yourself out,
I long to be the solitary,
I feel like a waste,
Filling my head with obstinacy,
And your ascetic prophesy,
I was certain of your quiet covet,
But I am the one you return to,
After all the damage has transpired.
Use me when you’re low,
Just to get back on your feet,
Leave me, until there is no one else.

Beneficial mendacity sustains my resilience,
and my will to adore you still.

Those spiteful words,
They keep jumping around in my head,
I hate what you have instilled in me,
Destroyed my self worth,
Held my head high with knowing,
What I may have meant,
But you broke that vision,
Of all the grand things I could be,
I can’t be sure, you refuse to clarify,
Only set to mystify,
I never get a glimpse to go on,
All those hints you hide in your sarcastic strides,
Why is it so impossible for you to open up,
When you know I’ve never been anything but here for you,
And near for you,
To steer you away from the dark that steals you,
I give every ounce of strength to try and heal you,
But I’m never thanked.
I must dissuade myself from feelings I believed I held for you,
Chock it up to fabrication,
I lay all the blame on you.

My fragmented mind,
A calming obsolesce,
Your presence, once dispersive, I have outgrown
I am renascent without the love of another,
A perfectly timed chasm

Your excuses are so docile and effortless,
All your stories have no ends,
I can’t agree you’ve outsmarted me,
I’ve finally learned not to let you,
I wasn’t dumb, just full of compassion,

It’s hard to detach myself from you,
You’ve been an underlying force in my life,
But this is history now, let’s leave the dust in the pages,
The benevolence, I dropped my own engagements to provide for you,

the adulation I spit to please you,
your unrequited appreciation shamed my benign,
after allowing your hands to reconstruct me,
I felt like a prisoner in the war to amplify you,
Am I the artist to this disaster?

The more I cling to what we have left,
The more eager you are to run,

My body’s ambulant,
But my heart’s held by inertia,
While your eyes were occupied I found a wall to fit between us.

Finally I wrote something!!

Here I lay my armor for you,
Bare my shoulders and brave the cold,
To renege awaiting your embrace,
A subrogation,
I’ll linger years and cling to passing planets,
If gravity defies me.
I’ll attest its purity, if you shed the blinding light of truth.
Precariously prevailed to exalt you where I deemed deserved,
Set to enisle, if you weren’t so enmeshed,
Happy where you can remain, surrounded by stillness,
That which I cannot grant,
Though I am subsisting somehow,
I am fragile in my futility,
This, my final valediction,
I prepare my heart for a hard departure,
From one that I loved so methodically,
I will not feign our fate as auspicious.

Wake me when you remember,
My arms are still outstretched,
Are you ignoring what sits before you?
A letter that embodies me,
If you can’t see me than I can’t be real,
As long as you can keep me a dream,
I’ve got these feet that won’t fail me,
And a love that I can’t pacify,
Even when I’ve caught the obvious,
You avoid the argument,

I am holding my breath for word from you,
Everything I hear sounds like you’re content with your life,
But whose stories are right?
Are things as happy on the inside?
The only man with steady hands,
Who embraced my passion and my pain,
I can’t turn my back these days,
You don’t know how much you’ve enriched me,

I lost the scent of you,
It’s all I had to cling to,
Now the rest is just slipping away.

This is what I’ve been longing for,
The moment you resurface,
With an invitation to respond,
But in what context are you reaching out to me?
I’m regretting everything I said,
How forceful it seems,
What’s better, you knowing? or leaving this unspoken?
I’m not delusional, I understand there is no chance for me,
How can I love you without saying,
It’s hard to be so vulnerable,
Maybe you’re a different person,
But I love who you used to be,
I can keep my secret dreams,
While I’m waiting for you to learn,
All the things that have been burning inside of me,
I can’t waste any opportunity to taste,
The beauty we once achieved.
Just one night,
To belong in your arms,
To share feelings swelling,
to express without speaking,
the adulation thats escaped these lips,

I am so cold sometimes,
I can’t love myself enough to fill the void,
I need to just be,
I’ll show you the empty side of me,
Everything I wanted is gone,
For you and me,
I think it’s too late,
To reshape what I have become,
i’m sorry it wasn’t what you wished it would be,
we all agree,
it was right to walk away,
I’ve been telling you the whole time,
Don’t run me down,
with what mess remains,
don’t fall pray to his pleas,
they rest with all his unfulfilled promises,
sometimes pain is better on the outside,
I’m drinking mine down,
He ruined a city for me,
Too harrowing to pass places sated with memories,
Why were our walls meant to crumble?
Why was it best to flee?
Left me with questions,
I’m not at ease,
Unless I’m feeling heartache,
What’s it like to live without?
I wouldn’t trade you to know.

Don’t underestimate my perception,
It’s painfully obvious,
How you’re putting it on,
Attempting to convince yourself,
Things will work themselves out,
The love has died,
Did it ever exist at all?
you keep dragging yourself along,
The undertow is heavy and it’s winning,
Your painted smile isn’t fooling anybody anymore,
The root of my skewed vision,
Can be traced to the bad decisions you believe in,
the longer you suffocate, the more you harden me,
I can't see the world the same,
Everyone's become an enemy out to damage me,
Sewn deep in my psyche,
There's no chance in hell i'll ever break free.
While your life falls apart, you lean on me,
it's impeding without reliance,
constructing an unwilling cynic,
with all this animosity I hold onto,
I hate the change i'm forced into.

In this city where I live, I am learning to appreciate what surrounds me. Being attacked by all these profound realizations, I'm taking it all in incase it should ever slip away. You are my driving force, the one who inspires me. Eliminating boundaries in my endeavors. I still think about you every day.

I found myself in a world so tainted,
I couldn’t be rescued,
Giving up on optimism,
How small a change could start,
Falling in love with a stranger,
Whose eyes met mine,
With a smile to follow.
Bringing me, the notion of possibility,
And how I could spend these days,
if only we convened.
Compelled to return the site of our connection,
I can’t live just knowing you’re alive,
Is this the face of fate?
Or am I just drawn to the unknown?
Feeling that time is wasted,
when I’m not where you are,
ask me my name,
so I’ll learn more than your demeanor,
beyond your entrancing exterior,
memorized in my mind,
I’ve never been so shaken.

One weary week is passing,
I find promise unraveling this evening,
Finally the dark is rising,
Arm yourself with a smile,
There is no need to lay down dormant,
And obliterate hope,
I am intact and I am alive,
Follow in foot,
“Don’t say it,” she said.
“Put away your prescience,
I’d rather drown in despondency.”
Words of woe, hearts I cannot sew back together,
But I’ll gather the pieces.

I'm not sure this one is finished yet, but here's what I have so far!

It’s not fair,
How you’ve kept me here,
Encased in this glass,
Where you can watch,
But far from my eyes,
I cannot catch you,
As desperate as I am to,
Out of my hands,
I am patiently pacing,
Is my existence still calamitous?
I tend to be a wind,
That disaster rides in,

In pursuit of a path,
That may lead us back,
Consulting the constellations,
For their sagacious advice,
Heed their warning,
“Don’t let this pragmatic world ruin you”

Hello hello! I hope this hasn't been previously posted, I just found this poem in a notebook and thought I would put it up since I haven't been writing much lately!

A hopeful lie,
meticulous and sly,
departing sanity,
embracing empathy,
a sad solid plot,
to drive a pair to part,
bring a loaded past to light,
reiterate me into sight,
you cannot look beyond,
what lines the surface.

I was deluded,
When it came to you,
Hallucinated a fragmentary change,
you shook me awake before I fell fast asleep,
Finally the us is over,
Weakness won’t let me slip again,
What I see,
Is a part of what I don’t want to be,
a substitute was what I withdrew,
with each inebriated kiss I stole from you.

Caught in a corner,
With impressing inspiration,
You fill me with an urgency,
I flourish like a flame,
With wild ideas attainable,
There is no productivity without pain,
You are a distant fraction of focus,
A transitory transition,
Befriending ambition,
To climb higher than you expected me,
The success I suspect in each step.

I thought I knew everything,
When I was young,
I had you and gave you up so easily,
Didn’t know what I was setting free,
Years later I come to my senses,
Suddenly I felt what I’d been missing,
Once you were out of sight,
I could never have you the way I had,
The impact of losing you,
Memories of us so vivid and bright,
Make it hard to swallow,
I need your voice,
I need your arms around me,
I can’t stand up without you,

Would you leave her if you knew?
All these ceaseless feelings that burn for you,
Isn’t this what you always wanted?
I still have a home in your heart,
Every reason I can find leaves me with hope to hold onto,
Why did you give up fighting?
Persistence pays off too late,
Now I’m waiting,
For a day that may never come,
When you realize I was the one.

Answers are emerging,
i've played out every ending,
choose our demise or resurrection,
we died long ago.

Don't speak,
it's better that I do not hear,
scrapings from the bottom of your heart,
slaughtering the last shred of hope I hold,
I am not ready to let you go,
an honest love realized much too late,
bears no relevence to you any more,
why would her lips so eagerly ask?
questions from ancient lives,
worries that plagued your mind,
why do they concern you still?
I cannot free providence,
if it begets resurgence,
all ill that escaped my mouth,
my feet did never follow.
clumsy words that misled,
a harrowing tale with no truth,
that gave you impetus for indolence.
Conditioned to lose,
I send my message to you.

I just discovered this old poem in my closet today. I must've written it a long time ago. Here it is.

We've been running smoothly with some starts and stops,
my head hasn't been hectic lately,
like a clear day, I have no thoughts but you,
when i'm seething you soothe me,
there's no love like i've found in you,
it's unexplainable,
thought I was untamable,
but I conformed to suit you in any way you please,
unbound, ready for release,
stunning like the stars,
you're catching me,
I willingly, forget my identity,
stake my claim under your frame,
live like I could die,
swallow my apathy,
how clever a disguise to hide what's inside,
but I let it bleed for you to see,
those stolen moments where I recall,
the first striking revelation,
the need for you in me.

I just deleted at least eight months of writing.. if anyone has any pieces of my book please send them to me! :(

Love means letting go,
It’s because what I feel is so real,
I will sacrifice for your happy heart,
I hope you’re pleased,
With the strength that it took,
Remember me in your next life,
something pure and wonderful,
We had that thrived inside,
Even apart,
While you sleep,
I awake and write,
Passages of memories,
These silent scenes,
Inciting pain and passion,
Free to create any conclusion,
But none as tragic as the truth

Complacency is dulling,
I am numb,
Haven’t grabbed a hold of emotion,
This isn’t really living,
Just a state of observation,
While the world blurs by,
In the center, watching the rain coming down,
Around me,
Tasteless, my nerves never were enabled,
I’ve been waiting for a moment to meet me,
Standing in this place, static in the sand,
I should bid riddance to this invisible force,
That’s suppressing the essence of me,

Could you lend me your sanity,
To fix these jagged holes,
I’ve left them unkempt for too long.

This is not okay,
it’s impossible to unravel,
What’s keeping me glued to the ground,
I can’t move,
Something is pressing me down,
I feel air escaping,
Out of my lungs,
On strike from life,
a much needed hiatus,
please pick me up,
unfold this heap of me,
I can’t break out,

With these tears may a garden grow,
Lighten my load,
Line life with a pretty row,
And with an ambient sound,

Lost my luster,
Giving into your oppression,
Now I’m sick with regret,
A case unkind,
Too many wrongs you have to right,
I’ll make it work
Against your will,

I applaud your assault,
Look at how it flattened me,
Was that the idea?
I started off so strong,
You should have realized,
I am made of diffidence,
Bared by your reticence,

This solemn strain that I have gained,
Loosens knots that I fought to keep tied.

Everything goes wrong,
Don’t say it,
Better luck next time,
Luck is a just excuse,
My tears have dried,
But I’m not calm inside,
i will crawl back into bed,
and stay until somebody drags me out,
when I hear your voice,
i know it's safe to rise from beneath the covers,
if you really cared you'd inquire,
and mop my heart up off the floor,
I tried to be reborn,
but the results just ended up the same,
send me off to the arms of anyone who'd take me,
easier than letting guilt eat away,
what have i become?
this fallen soldier,
in the battle of I against me.

i watched you fall,
and waste it all,
thought love was different,
meant to fill the hole,
but i see it's digging deeper,
creating a place for you to crawl into,
in disbelief, an end to your fake fairytale,
image is more important than the walls crumbling within.

I’ll stay up tonight,
Let you unbind my mind,
I’ve been playing scenes of you and I,
Over in my head,
When it’s lost will I know it?
Seems we’re traveling nowhere,
At the sight of you,
Losing breath, taken by a tremble,
Stronger than the first time,
I laid eyes upon you,
Still we won’t kill the space between,
How much sense are we making?

how these lacerations slip through your teeth,
what I hate in me I see in you,
this is how I nurse my wounds,
how can I change the way I feel inside?
I want to forget my existence, erase the foot prints i've made,
nothing is good, blinder is better,
wind me tight, for I am close to unraveling,
brace yourself,
a sight for pitiful eyes,
hunting myself with little resistence,
all these filthy thoughts,
you can't stop me,
when you say it,
almost giving yourself away,
never more than just a taste,
so keep your distance

i want to go,
where the broken girls go,
to feel beautiful,
where i'm living without all these vacillations,
just when I have things figured out,
you untie my pretensions with your intrinsic opposition.

I don’t know you like I used to,
As bad as I want to believe,
It just cannot be true,
You and me,
never meant to be,
I can’t hold on to you,
And spend my life waiting,
a break to alleviate the desolation I’ve sunk into,
a day that will not dawn,
you would be here if you wanted to,
I can’t harbor false hope that undying feelings slowly swell in you,
I push and I push until i find myself convinced of possibility,
I’ll let it die tonight,
Shed this skin I’ve spent too long in.

Have you exceeded your fill?
When will we hit overkill?
This emerging pause,
How do you decide?
I asked for answers,
But can’t find clarity,
this trial might expire,
will we breathe life into our desires?
afraid to implode,
will I receive you well?
Awake with you beside me?
Are our conversations growing tired?
When will you dispose of me?
The more it drags on,
The longer I’m apart from myself,
Now beguiled,
When will our destruction set in?
I am holding hope so high for you and I,
Once started impossible to stop,
Derail me, let us collide,
With two feet in,
Who will draw back first?
Your operative mouth,
Inciting images my mind impounds.

i'll take on your pain,
if it lessens the impact,
when can we help ourselves?
learn from repeated mistakes,
nightmares won't be reality,
when did the world become so ugly?
beauty can kill,
keeping our mouths shut won't solve much,
our fate can't be left in the hands of others,
one small decision could cost you your life,
what's going to make it right?
so dark, losing our sunny disposition,
what reasons do we have to maintain faith?
let love radiate,
which day will be our last?

What the fuck is wrong with people?????? I am so sad, so disgusted and so sorry to learn that a girl I remember from my home town was stabbed to death...

it's hard to shut my eyes,
when will the blood stop spilling?
how can we live amidst this madness?
safety is a false impression,
I only knew your face,
but the impact remains the same,
how can we trust?
in a sea full of secrets,
anyone is capable of anything,
someone so undeserving,
it's sickening,
how did we raise a society of psychos?
when will tragedy impart?
sorrow encapsulates our hearts.

I learn so much from your misfortune,
you're always trying to do the right thing,
maybe this time will be different,
you control your own happiness,
so choose your battles wisely,
your strength radiates,
no matter how soft you seem on the outside,
I absorb your decisions,
my watchful eye,
while he serves you vilification,
I'm seething in my skin,
I hope you'll be care free,
and find the arms you need,
ones to hold you high,
love you unconditionally,
you come with such a heavy heart.

words come so easy,
when communicating with you,
how do I act when i'm standing before you?
sometimes, I feel affinity with your wreckless ways,
mistakes I make wondering if you'll catch on,
how I worry i'd displease you,
notions I may invent,
to find you reaching out for me,
insinuate what thoughts lay poisoning my mind,
you crept up on me unexpectedly,
discerning the rules you'd bend for me.

Can I let a little lust escape?
suppression always backfires,
into the face of the beholder,
aligned with your eyes, I read what's written,
I believed I belonged with all the others,
what's intended, tell me your objective,
do you hide it well?
conclusion hasn't changed,
make me a martyr,
make innocence fade,
worth working for,
seeing light in darker things,
a sight i've discovered,
addition to your appeal,
resounding,
how could I tell if there's more to your story,
discrepancy,
transition from lonely,
a clause in motion,
maybe you'll meander with me

in my veins,
the smoke invades,
catches in my throat,
a covered get away,
with your back pressed against me,
folding and collapsing,
we're breathing and laughing,
pretend that I don't see disaster following,
allow wind to lift my regrets,
uncover insecurities,
aware of your dispositionm
still I ensued, breaking caution without heed,
take me eagerly,
one simple word swelling in meaning,
inhabit your reaction,
mirrored with my own,
steer myself from treason,
this dignity I fake.

~*~
Let it bleed,
fall to your knees,
beggars dishonesty,
the sharp blade of allure,
calling out to be captured.

wishing that you were nothing,
that I didn't care,
I could be weightless,
your touch is crushing,
you kiss could kill,
it's better to remain detached,
curiosity may deter me,
from paths I chose,
needing, knowing the strength you steal,
wrap me in safely,
so he cannot harm,
beginning ignorance,
never leave me empty, lost,
or without your arms to fasten me,
convalesce from your lashing tongue.

Left, like an open window,
unattended with thoughts of you,
where they travel, a forbidden place,
tell me your purpose for being here.
If there's a reason, set me upon it,
let it shake the ground,
in wondering, will my time ever arise?
an endless pause,
sigh in frustration,
all these actions missing attraction,
unanswered pleas,
i'd rather believe you can't read me,
how blantant in my sinful subtleties,
much to prove,
allure you in a surreptitious manner,
wanting what's never attained,
to create truth from impossibility,
we must have skipped the chase.

This one isn't finished!

Every time I find the strength to ensue the ending,
You hunt me down and drag me back,
When will permanency replace this shaking wall,
I’ve been building between us,
Where I can sleep,
Memories only make me weak,
when the room empties, isolation finds you,
reel me in, you know I’m willing
lay under the knife while you take what you need,
just enough to satisfy until another,
this repetitious repression,
every time my feet leave the ground,
you fracture my wings to keep me captive.

?

Who knew the GO train could be so inspiring!

Is it affecting you?
Left to decipher,
A code so complex,
Climbing closer,
So subtle, not to stir suspicion


all the faces I see,
heat generated by bodies,
wrapped in their tight cocoon,
water drinks us in,
we're all waiting to drown,
don't dare move,
what's thick and hanging heavy in clouds,
i'm choking in this state of stale,
wasted chances are casting glances,
seemed so serene at the beginning.

Destined to be mine,
this inclination,
such little time to rebound from the impact,
how short life appears,
adjust to your taste,
killing the image you once contained,
would this new one appease you?
tainted and delicate,
I must be awakening,
a peculiar yearning,
for something so eloquent and unfamiliar,
inviting, one hint of sweetness and i'll subsume,
incite me, starve my appetite as it swells,
once so solid, is now see through,
never confess, never define,
so close to implosion,
derived from deception.

I needed it so,
lost and lonely,
i am home,
nothing's the same,
now that you've changed,
i don't know myself,
quite different than the i with you,
seeds of hope stopped growing when it got cold,
a battle that we fight,
to forget each other,
the war which you've won,
the end of an addiction,
finding it's way out of me,
a suspension of strength,
dragging me across the floor,
hands tangled tightly,
where's the fun in simplicity?
just say this is where i'm supposed to be.

He struck me by surprise
With his piercing eyes,
Never say goodbyes,
A thin line never crossed,
But bent on my side,
Heavy in my hand,
It’s all under tongue,
Read the waste,
The pieces you left me,
To gather and bury,
When will I repeat your name,
No longer in vain.

Strip me bare,
Peel back all my layers,
When there’s nothing left,
There is only you,
my blood and bones,
wrapped around you,
listening for lightning,
waiting to strike me,
bring life alive in me,
determination to fill your empty pockets,
with pieces of me,
I have to give up and save myself,
Barren, I have become,
So weakened I must succumb.
I was hoping for a fairytale,
You can find me looking out the window,
A true skeptic,
Throwing wishes at the stars,
Perpetuate my convictions.

do feelings this strong dissipate?
after this long,
can one heart be replaced?
you seek me in dreams,
challenge me with the words I linger here for,
all my disappointments rise under the ice,
write me another letter,
send it telepathically,
steal away in the night,
i will tear open closure with my teeth,
love don't let go,
you choose mind over heart,
every safe decision,
leaves me an empty option,
placed with your discarded things.

I love my Nugs!

Sense without reason
My spiteless treason
Fall out and far below
Dining by candlelight
Saw ahead of time
Swerving to cross the line
Feel my way in the dark
With broken fingers
Tragedy impends

This would be my very own photo of Mr. City and Colour.

After taking in the beautiful man that is Dallas Green live, I was completely enthralled by his talent and presence for the remainder of the evening and most of the next afternoon. I discovered that his immaculately perfect sound could not be captured in a recording studio. I had never and probably never will again be in such awe by an incredible human being. Maya was knocked off her rocker as well. Her expectations had been blown away. We both walked out of the venue that night helplessly in love with Mr. Green. It was well worth the hour long shiver session waiting in line to get in.

So disheartened,
My chest feels vacant,
Every sound radiates in my head,
Unable to sit still,
Until I hear your voice,
My lungs are collapsing,
Barely breathing,
I am anticipating your arrival,
I’ll never see your face,
But my hopeful heart won’t rest,
I will drown in your words tonight,
Spilling off the page and creeping under my skin,
I let you invade,
Better late than never,
Tell me it’s still living inside you,
it’s what you’ve been waiting for,
all this time has just been a façade,
kept in a cage,
Let me out baby, set me right,
I feel so messed up, so out of control,
There’s no pleasure in trailing the past,
If you’re absent from the part you play.

If I don’t have you,
How will I ever know myself?
Could you come perambulating?
And I will take you in,
Return to me, you can’t stay gone forever,
What if you do?
What will become of me?
I’ll just fade into the background,
Never shine like I could beside you,
i left my heart at your last show,
a year ago september,
you rose and I fell,
she was watching,
and I’ll never hear goodbye,
the way I wanted to,
even if I fought, would I still lose?
Is it worse for us to end this way?

I am here,
Whittling away,
Giving up easy,
You were never a quick catch,
Wandering somewhere alone,
Avoiding attention,
While I’m pouring my heart into effort,
That you ignore.
Why should I bother?
you won’t throw me a reason,
Feeling so inclined to let you be,
Forget the way you make me feel,
So swollen by your misdirection.
How you’ve undermined my intentions,
As far as I can manage to get from you now,
Show me your cold shoulder,
It’ s better for me,
Sick of trying to prove,
How good I am for you,
Baby we’re done.

Don’t you see
How weighted we are?
Will love prevail this time?
Has it ever before?
I know I know
How empty you’ve felt
But if you’d let me linger,
I could fill the void,
You might be a lot to manage,
But i am stronger than perceived,
Opening and closing,
I’m counting days til we meet,
Did you find the place where you left off?
Buried under heaps of heavy sky,
I’ll dig a trench to keep you safe,
By the side of the road,
Watching speeding cars pass,
Searching for your face,
Spot lit by the sunlight,
Here you come to save me,
Flames eating at my halo,
These poisoned ideas,
You could take me to a desolate place,
I wouldn’t tell,
How typical a tale,
To kill my pragmatic legacy,
But you make my mind crawl,
Into corners I never knew hid in my head

All the contradictions,
Bled me nowhere,
Just left me lying empty,
The thoughts that meandered my way,
I’ll pass off as your confusion,
Tear yourself between misdirection,
Gun me down,
They’ll keep coursing through me,
I’m still moving,
Letters that you’ll write,
Filling up the sorrowful room,
Who’s going to read them, with as much dignity?
I held you high on a pedestal,
But stole the weight from under your feet,
Now it’s all you’ve got,
Ceaseless and unchanging,
Seizing and phasing

I wish I had known you,
When you were alive,
I would have loved you,
Shown you the reasons,
This world couldn’t have gotten on,
Without you,
Hearing your voice,
Much too late,
What drove you to leave this way?
Can you watch what’s happening,
Where you are?
Know how heavy our hearts are to carry?
I could tie yours to mine if you came back,
If you floated down to meet me,
I’ll save a place,
Every chord inspires me,
I couldn’t care more,
About your misses and arrows,
Leading me to tomorrow,
Erase the puddles that clouded your judgment,
And crowded your heart,
We could be unhappy and belong,
Rock me to sleep

I’ve lost you now,
My heart won’t sing a sad tune,
Not for you,
Underneath every hope,
My layer of misery,
Has been revoked,
I don’t feel the sting,
Every day that you’re not here,
Is one less lonely,
Steps closer to the right one,
I know what I’m searching for,
Someone to wake me with a sweet melody,
I might live a long life on my own,
but I have all I’ll ever need.

I’ve fallen in love with a song,
A face I see in photographs,
There is no future,
But this romance with his words,
My thoughts embodied,
Echo in my room,
Invading my head,
Will I meet you when I rest my eyes?
Take me to your world

My mind is so clear
With the sun in my eyes
Squinting out philosophies,
The highway brings such a sense of clarity,
Here nothing can taint my mood,
I can forget the madness of reality,
What you meant to me,
Isn’t near as impacting,
At this speed,
There is no stopping my spirit from soaring,
Why can’t I feel this way every day?
Free, running where I want to,
Remembering moments I wish I could go back to,
Meet me in my mind

Here I am with my heart on my sleeve,
Holding it out to you,
And you shut me down,
Give me reasons kuz I don’t understand,
Every sign you give me is a go ahead,
That you wouldn’t mind being mine,
But I lay my pride on the line,
Only for you to decline,
The way you look at me makes me believe differently,
Like there’s a story hiding,
Contradicting words with your actions,
I can’t count on anything but confusion,
When will this torture end?
Truths reveal themselves so I can just move past,
I’m trying so hard to show you,
Who we could be together,
But you’re shying away.
Do you embrace your darkness?
Revel in your pain?
Kuz I am the remedy,
Ready to take you somewhere you’ve never been.
I don’t know what you want from me.
All the effort that I’m making,
To save you from your sorrow,
Seems so desecrate.

How long will it take
For your heart to heal?
Loan mine out to you,
You can keep it like a secret,
if you like how it feels,
can you push aside your pain
to make room for me?
Am I wrong to assume what I see before me is real?
I can’t continue to contain myself,
On the verge of spilling everything,
And you see how untied I’ve become,
First time finding it’s not a waste of time to wait,
Guilty of giving too much to a taker,
You’re hollowed out,
But she still finds a solution to drain you dry.

Putting an end to my ambivalence
All I see is you,
and the light in my eye flickers,
knowing I’ve found you,
in a sea of unfamiliar faces,
it’s yours I long to caress,
take hold of in my hands,
the lines and creases,
I’m learning this language,
As fast as I can process,
Your elegant imperfection,
how it makes me ache to love you,
while I fall I’m afraid to let go,
incase you change your mind,
you could be mine,
what is it that imprisons you?

I might lose my mind,
With all these convictions you’re throwing,
No one knows who’s telling the truth,
How can I want more,
When I don’t know you,
Sending me fleeing for safety and sanity.
I’ll hide out until your secrets are revealed.
Stop tracing my footsteps,
Only I can be me,
You can’t breathe down my back,
And expect me to stick around.
I don’t want to pick someone up
Who’s always down.

A sordid design,
Hide it in my eyes,
To steal thoughts from you mind,
Make them my own.
One weary tear,
A collision of unkept words I swept for you my dear,
Tracing panes of long passed days,
Where I have waited.
Your careless lines echo in my ears a thousand times,
Belied tonight,
I won’t fight sleep to keep you from my dreams,
Devised a plot to invade your thoughts,
But you beat me at my own game.
I have let you wander on.
What lies will be replaced with truth?
Below the tide, time’s ticking. Grace in regression.

Delegate your ways,
fierce and devestating,
morose and impending.
Enrapture me.
Breathe in, smoke out,
piercing my dialect,
innocuous claims,
deterred only for a moment.
My heart stops.
Slow down,
take me in,
we will break apart.
Meander near,
find yourself here.
Tied to your affliction,
ceased to tame me.
The crimson I bear,
longing to remember the heat between our tangled souls.
You remain my fondest memory.

Thought I had it made,
Thought I had it coming,
Was sure I could have you,
But circumstances always change when they’re relied upon,
I faked brave for you,
Made my move,
As much as I tried,
Everything came untied,
Blamed myself for the destruction,
It must be me,
I can’t keep taking the weight on my shoulders,
How many more times will the fault be mine?


Days gone by,
Bring me closer to realization ,
I might love you,
How long will we wander separately?
You know I’m not going anywhere,
The look in my eyes is changing,
I can’t hide its growing strength,
What are we delaying for?
All the time you take,
Makes me anxious,
Close to admitting,
Fighting the impulse,
Afraid to hear your reaction,
Would you say we‘re better off this way?