Look at me,
I can stand proud without you,
I think i'm happier this way,
nothing should change,
you took up too much time,
what a shame I wasted more than a little,
at least now I don't have to worry anymore,
i'm comfortable now,
this is me,
not the desolate stranger I used to be,
you formed me with your bare hands,
I couldn't conform to the way you wanted me,
look at me bounce back,
submerged in all things that lead me to contentment,
I could never devote myself to someone devoid of any emotion besides misery,
how can you live that way?
you're the last detail I sought after,
was I always just the answer to your desperation?

~*~

From the backseat,
jammed in tight,
you're that close,
stretched across and heavy,
I can see you're looking in all the wrong directions,
so you're hurt, doesn't mean you've lost all your charm,
it's working on me,
you're too blinded to see,
if you've got any love inside to spare,
I can use some charity,
only if you will,
there's a discovery unfurling before your eyes,
do you look right past it?
you probably know any way,
no words are necessary,
I can say what I feel,
but it only gets me in trouble,
hasn't been returned in ages,
what's the use of risking it,
maybe in a little while,
when your wounds have healed over,
we can meet again in a different light,
i'll take you and keep you safe and warm.

Can you still feel my fingers trace circles on your back?
I was certain it was in your arms that I belonged,
this is so unlike you,
but are you scared by the feelings you found?
were you overwhelmed by guilt?
why did you deny yourself from such perfection,
is hurting me the answer?
did pushing me away cure your misery?
I know you felt as much as I,
you were dying inside,
needed my kiss before you shattered to pieces,
now you've run away,
you can't control your actions,
it was never me, always the blamed,
it's yours for the taking,
my power over you makes you feel like less of a man,
you can't take it,
pressuring you until you crack,
you'd never accept true happiness,
you don't feel like you deserve it,
i'm starting to agree with you,
sad you'd turn down the one chance you had,
to outlet all the pain and passion you keep inside,
so fragile and small you have become,
no sight for a weak heart like mine,
you captured me with a beautiful voice,
but it can't win you everything,
look what you missed out on.

~*~

You'll never do better,
I actually believe what they've been saying,
I have to laugh,
when I remember what I ever saw in you,
I gave so much,
nothing in return,
wasn't a lot I wouldn't do for you,
why did I fall for you?
should have seen this from the beginning,
you weren't good enough for me,
you never tried to match the love I had for you,
you can't even express yourself,
held so much from me,
how could you have sufficed,
when I told you everything,
I asked the sky for answers,
it explained more than you,
you never made sense,
i'm still buried in confusion,
this puzzle you left me to unfold,
will it ever reveal the truth,
the reasoning behind,
you sold me out,
to beggars and thieves,
open up and let me in,
everyday without you feels like a sin.

I don't even think about you anymore,
every once vivid moment is a distant image,
your vocation is the only aspect i can't see past,
it sticks beneath my skin,
why'd you have to sing so sweetly,
you proved to me that you've never deserved the adulation,
still you act like you were falsely accused,
and that I could never belong,
even though you gave me your affection,
mystified when you switched back and forth,
the only thing I ever wanted was to render your happiness.

Could there be reason behind your actions? The possibility remains.

Could it be just an excuse?
perhaps a sign,
you'd like to get closer,
the questions I ask,
to the answers I already know,
potential promise,
I am alert and I am ready,
just waiting to hear those words,
that may be near,
I caught the glare in your eyes,
saw something there,
it wasn't just a friendly stare,
you look away,
and my heart dances,
so slow and it sings a hopeful song,
you take your time,
evaluating me in your mind,
how could I ever do you wrong?
so blatant and honest,
your words strike me speechless,
my cheeks crimson,
my awkward existences unfolds,
the opportunity left open to be fulfilled.

As I stood,
in the doorway,
there your eyes were introduced to mine,
all at once,
a collision I wanted to last,
the impossibility exists,
your gentle manner,
would never harm a sensitive soul,
never a kinder exchange,
progressing to an exquisite stage.

~*~

Every Word,
all the things I wish i'd said,
maybe I could have spared us falling apart,
i'm living in denial,
making excuses for your behavior,
if I could i'd just close my eyes,
and push you right out of my mind,
I wonder if you paused for even a moment,
to consider,
how I felt,
wrapped up in your selfish actions,
all I ever craved was an explanation.

Some moments may grow dark, but rain is a beautiful thing.

I am sleeping between,
craddled somewhere safe,
away from any harm,
though sometimes I still think,
about the warm nights we spent,
i am unperplexed by your carelessness,
sheltered from any impending violations,
my strength's inspiring and expanding,
so let your distaste for me shine in all it's glory,
make it easier for me,
it's never been a struggle,
secluded in my smiles,
I won't let you put the storm in the sky,
everything is more than just fine.

I know the next time,
I see you, i'll be numb,
when you look at me,
I won't be weakened,
you'll sit in your dark corner,
making eyes with all the options,
but that won't last,
until your empty glass hits the table,
you will arise,
searching for someone you'll never find,
i'll be on the other side of the door,
moving on, moving up,
you're shrinking, losing your head,
maybe that's an improvement,
it's best for all of us,
my heart's safe out of your reach,
you'll never know a touch more divine than mine,
the pieces never will,
fit together, your actions go unexplained,
is your mind that empty?
couldn't you see how much I cared?
you're too much unlike the person I first met,
that possessed your name,
you aren't the same,
what an unanticipated twist,
how could you, how could you?
but i'm weary enough to forget,
what did you expect from me?

What's lost is gone, but I won't let you carry on. I'm not that stupid to realize, what in your eyes is the real prize. You never cared about me. Now i've become everything I want to be. Honestly why do I settle for second best? I'm through with that.

It's hard to think about,
how you've lead me on for so long,
how cold hearted you must be,
she explained it perfectly,
"emotionally those nights meant something to me"
the reality stung, they never meant anything to you,
you had the audacity to act like I was nothing,

I hope you'll ache without my presence,
need me when i'm not around,
you've only made me stronger,
one day you'll come back begging,
I wish you will,
so I can remind you of how I felt,

i'm not devestated,
I may be hurt, but i'm not shedding tears over you,
you had the chance and now it's gone,
there won't be any more,
you've never been worth the mess,
i'm not worried about losing you,

I know when I find somebody,
he'll be way better than you,
i've never been blind, I just denied the truth,
came back and now i'm thankful that I can get over you,
it won't be hard I promise that,
I thought you deserved it,
but I was mistaken,
you fooled me with your convincing softness,

but that's the last of you,
good riddance to my confusion and my heart's contusions,
your mind games and false pretensiousness,
i'm glad to see you go.

That's just fine,
It's not like i need you,,
it would be nice,
but i'm not looking for a waste of time,
it's just as easy to say goodbye,
don't be fooled by my exaggerated words,
it could be divine but i'm just as happy on my own.
If you've got the nerves to endure,
if you don't have the strength,
i don't have the will.

The ramblings after the effects of tequila rose/peach schnapps and gin.

If positions were flipped,
and it was me up there,
would you be held captive in my voice?
i'd have you under my control,
would i care?
can't you rescue me from this despair,
and it's quiet when i think,
thoughts of you above me,
it's too hard to hate you,
for making me so naive,
i stepped out in the snow today,
caught snowflakes on my tongue,
all the while wishing you were beside me,
how can love be so simple to disguise,
when it bursts from my seams,
do i melt your heart sometimes?
is there any way to get through to you,
have you built defenses,
to keep me out,
have i gotten close?

~*~

it's no secret anymore,
when you press your face to mine,
and say what you said,
hands in my hair,
it's become publicly aware,
this time it was your mistake,
it doesn't make any sense,
when you try to hide it,
the next our fingers intwined,
all the world can see,
isn't that what's keeping us apart?
the bind has broken,
we layed it out clear,
for everyone to witness,
so why'd you let loose?
you were all over me,
it's so obvious now,
so why are we still pretending?
if regret overcomes you,
i will walk away from us,
leave you to figure out where you went wrong,
i've done everything i can,
if it's not enough,
your offer's not good enough.

Time takes away the drops of a long forgotten day.

Weightless, with all my unimaginable thoughts,
So I still alone,
My life’s a mundane dream,
Standing to be corrected for my misperceived perception,
The mounting ardour becomes apparent in your sights,
A sigh and one whisper that fades,
“can we restore these memories”,
you said it but the words were mine,
stunned, a dishevelled you, knew I put those words in your mouth,
recollecting, you deemed me worthy of repute,
decline the opposition, greet me with defeat,
easily able to resist, why am I here,
a victim of misconstrue, you had me,
though I recognized your ploy for confusion,
I played along, held blind by my affection,
Haven’t grasped the relation between your words and convergence,
So sundry, with discrete emotion elasticity,
The innocent honest intentions, exist evidently,
Repetitious as I relish preceding days.

Silence. An empty mind makes life easy. I can't believe it's snowing.

I ran to escape,
screaming from inside out,
I resent you,
i'm laying it before you,
the icy truth,
if you ever told me,
"I just want you to be happy"
your selfish ignorance lit up the sky,
you're unraveling, peeling everyday,
revealing how little of you there is left,
was it me who set you off?

I'm going home tomorrow, I need a break from all the craziness here in Oakville. I've been thinking too much again.

Hey,
How long must I live on knowing,
i'm running into nothing,
falling, headfirst,
pushing, only ending up right at the beginning,
when I lost you,
I felt the crushing of my insides,
even though I might indulge in your arms,
I can't stay there forever,
the indigo takes over,
I disappear with the rising sun,
somehow I can't manage a simple goodbye,
the words get caught in my throat,
I can't kill my love for you,
no matter how many holes I drive through it,
any logical thoughts are scarce,
you pull farther away,
I always told you exactly how I felt,
you couldn't say it just once,
i'm endlessly asking for too much,

the complications are too big,
there's nothing I can say to make you stay,
you've already walked away,
how will I forget you
~*~

I looked up,
in the clouds i saw,
one familiar fall night,
you and i entangled,
moments cut short,
i was high off the addiction to your lips,
and the rising heat,
and i descended deeper,
how did it progress to this plateau?
you see through my transparency,
how much of a fool i've become for you,
i can't rest until we pursue this further,
but would you give in?
my jaw dropped at the sound,
contagious are those scenes,
face to face we lay,
i prayed that your actions were real,
watched the light creep across the floor,
i asked you not to let me go,
maybe you forgot,
there's still this flooding feeling,
never runs dry.

It's crazy how a simple feeling can put so much in perspective.

If i asked you how you felt,
would you avoid the question?
what are you scared of?
what answer would i expect?
you'd be the first i'd run to,
i'd confide in you a mass of secrets,
ignoring the inevitable,
I won't accept the looming impossibility,
if all we have is tonight,
i'd pause the world for an eternity,
and love you until the end,

I don't want to believe,
i'm the only one who feels this way,

seems as though i've been waiting out losing you for good,

I can't bear it,
how close are we to something?

will i clench my fists,
and shut my eyes,
to the sound of my breaking heart?

this time i loved for all the right reasons.

Nothing's going on, my poems seem to have transformed into loose thoughts gathered together that don't really sound pretty anymore. It's kind of sad.
I think i'm forcing things out that aren't there.

The words I want to say,
could drive you away,
yet they remain,
demanding to be released,
is there a possibility,
you might share this immense intensity,
it's getting hard to pretend,
these feelings aren't tearing at my insides,
struggling to pry themselves out,
how can this be fair,
we act like friends,
but so much more lies behind,
itching to be unleashed,
while you're dreaming of fame,
i'm dreaming of your kiss,
and all the things it would bring.

Liann's on her way here at this very moment, it will be a very chaotic, fun week!!

sound is still,
the echo of your voice,
fills the silence,
entertains and enhances thoughts of you,
striking me strongly,
tears contained,
stain these cheeks,
knowing your internal aches,
wanting to wash them away,
make you endlessly happy,
undo the pain you've kept inside,
how long has it been?
weeping,
wanting to bridge this gaping hole,
present in your gentle heart,
is my love not enough?
not the right one?
why can't you let me,
under your skin,
so i can try to be,
everything you'll ever need,
summon all the bright days,
that are long overdue,
you lock everything inside,
it's all you've known how to do.

~*~

trying to sort through all these things,
discovering where you fit into the picture,
you're all that's inhabiting my mind,
feeling helpless, there's nothing i can do,
to make this any clearer,
the intensity between us,
stings me deep, every moment,
you're not near, i need you,
sun sign rings true,
i wonder if you're the one,
that's come to make me whole,
do you still abide his wishes?
i'll never understand,
what this pounding in my blood means,
everytime you're here it comes rushing back again,
your scent stayed with me for days,
now i just feel lifeless,
everything's going right,
but you're still missing.

~*~

Have you heard,
one damn word i've said?
it's easy for me to say,
"i don't need you, i never did"
fooled myself into thinking,
i could count on you,
i'm tired of getting nowhere,
waiting while you procrastinate,
live on without me,
i won't settle for seconds,
coming to reach me when you find the time,
i'll never let you get the best of me,
search for somebody else,
you won't find the love in my heart,
my patience retired yesterday,
if you come looking for me,
i won't be here for you anymore,
it's too late and it's too bad,
you weren't worth the tears i'd shed,
i refuse to cry over you,
it's so sad to find a man,
who doesn't know to treat a woman,
it's never been that hard to please me,
but broken promises won't win me over,
i wish i could say i never cared for you,
i'm almost there.

~*~

There's something I want to ask you...
Are you happy?
I've been wanting to tell you,
the thing that hurts most about not being with you:
knowing you deserve so much and not being able to give it to you,
You should know,
no matter what we are,
friends or lovers,
i'll always care,
deeply,
for you,
how much?
it kills me.

A week full of adventurous activities and endless possibilities!!

One lasting longing look,
drawn up tall before me,
stands with an outstretched hand,
to greet me with affection,
a darkened delicate whisper,
a hushed hello on the hint of a sweet breeze,
circling the laps, outlining your core,
you spoke,
a slight arise in the bluest skies,
held in the swirl of your kiss,
wrapping it's arms around me,
alluring, inviting,
a precise persuasion to contentment,
rendering responses replaying,
reminiscess of a dreary day.

~*~

it's just us,
bound by the bitterness,
prelude to the restlessness,
the confusion of my pounding heart,
inside this cage,
behind the tranquil waves of rage,
my escape from your receeding stage.

~*~

A lingering possibility,
i'd care to endure,
pursuing one path to discover,
your passion that lies somewhere inside,
carefree, you've been everywhere,
i'd like to wake up, whisked away,
so how come i still can't find you,
I found a flawless loss,
why haven't i won this game that's begun,
without consequence it seems,
you've acquired all my dreams,
my luck's been long since burried deep,
you stole the ease from my sleep,
I created this unhappiness,
for you and I to revoke the bliss,

Back in Oakville, thank god, things are back to normal.

One Caress,
My shoulder to your chest,
the pale winter in your eyes,
I tried to hold on to an instant,
silently swept me by,
here's to the endearing embraces,
my nervous lips and your expressions while you sleep

....

I was bewildered at the sight,
I sensed the coming words,
as cold as they are,
those nights stain my skin,
I thought the worst was over,
imagine the surprise,
hit me from behind,
my euphoric glow died,
the dereliction emerged,
contained in my tired eyes,
the falling answers,
a fresh forming dismay,
derived from your incinerating discourse,
you knew every step you placed,
the privation I endured,
I heightened you beyond the sun,
I told everyone,
the mysteries you'd undone,
the marathon's you'd outrun,
I made myself a fool for your deception,
it's getting late now,
but i can't forget your face.

I'm at home in Bracebridge, being here reminds me of why I was so eager to leave in the first place.

A million times,
the stars have burst,
you set them aflame,
i fell for your false promises,
you've been found guilty,
why do you walk in and out of my life,
when you tell me i'm a lovely breeze,
you disappear like you've been caught in a hurricane,
what's wrong with me,
to make you up and leave,
lie to me and fill me with hope,
whisper sweetly and wrap me in your arms,
in the morning run for your life,
what have i done to be so deserving,
you're careless, how could you be so blind,
can't you make up for what's been lost,
still no word you keep me dangling,
how cruel and unkind you must be.

and yet another:

What does your enthusiasm mean?
we can never be, you said,
but now you can't wait,
a hurried invitation,
does it access your heart?
what changed inside,
have you realized what we've become?
are you letting your heart lead?
will i fall once again,
even if it's wrong,
why do i feel so contrite,
dreaming of reaching,
those lips again,
the flushing of my cheeks,
from the invasion of tempting reminders,
how can you deny,
when i see it clearly,
i'm waiting for the words,
and the moment to arise.